Master Index - R

1-A    B    C   D    E    F    G    H    I    J-K    L    M    N   O    P-Q    R    S   T    U    V    WXYZ

How to Use the Index

This Master Index covers thousands of topics found in every Real Love book, the 500 Daily Coaching Videos and all the blogs.

Note that all the page numbers for the books refer to the hard copies of the book but not to location numbers in Kindle books.

In this index you can find Real Love answers to all your questions—it's like having your own personal coach 24/7.


How can you use it? Let’s look at a couple of examples:

Example One:
You want to tell the truth about yourself to your spouse. You want to change the direction of your marriage and create genuine, intimate, and lasting connections between you. How do you start? What can you say? Let’s look at the index:

Click on the T above and then go to Truth Telling, and you’ll discover a great many sub-headings, like “about ourselves,” “about your spouse,” “about our mistakes,” and more.

Or click on M and go to Marriage, truth telling in

Example Two:
Your child is being irresponsible, or angry, or whatever. What can you do? Click on the P and go to Parenting, and you’ll discover a great many sub-headings that will get your interest, like “teaching children about choice,” and more.


The following abbreviations are used throughout the Master Index:

DC = Daily Coaching Videos, 1 - 505
B = Blog, for example, B19Sep12 means blog from 19 Sep 2012
RL = The book, Real Love
RLM = The book, Real Love in Marriage
RLP = Real Love in Parenting
RLD = Real Love in Dating
RLWM = Real Love for Wise Men and Women
PCSD = Post Childhood Stress Disorder
RLV= Real Love and Freedom for the Soul (Victimhood)
RLW= Real Love in the Workplace
EWB = Essentials of Real Love Workbook
BWB = Essentials of Real Love Bible Workbook
Note: all the page numbers for the books refer to the hard copies of the book, not to location numbers in Kindle books


Raccoon trap, B21Feb11
Race, life not, B09Oct17
Rachel, RLP64, RLP191-2, RLP285-6
Rachmaninoff, B14Nov16
Racial prejudice:
cause, RLWM 262-3
caused by not seeing clearly, RL140, RL143-4
healing with Real Love, RLWM 262-3
hypocrisy of those who claim, DC192-193-194-195
response to, B18Dec17
Railroad, switching tracks, B13Feb15
always will be, BWB169
not personal, B07May11
Random kindness, acts of, DC26, DC40, EWB339-41
in marriage, DC200
nature of, DC405
PCSD 336-41
responding to, DC200, DC405-DC406
Rapids, negotiating in canoe, B12Dec11
Rappelling, B06Feb14
like life, B27Feb17

Rash, treating, B24Feb17
Raspberries, PCSD 27
Rat bait, RLD 182-3
Rats, experiment with shocking, PCSD 74
Rating system for desires, RLM 208-9
Razor blades, B03Apr15
Rebar, metaphor, B23Nov12
Bible verses about, BWB190-1, BWB248
giving up Getting and Protecting Behaviors contributes to, BWB189-91,BWB 248
giving up sins necessary for, BWB 22
necessary, BWB22
through love, BWB190-1, BWB289
when, lose need to sin and use Getting and Protecting Behaviors, BWB190-1
Reaching, for qualities we need, B23Dec15
Reacting, to past, examples, B12Apr17
defined, BWB194
our choice, B16May11
over, B17Jun15
see Behavior
to pain, B11Apr18
to pain automatic often, B16Jun14
to pain eliminates choice, B02May12
vs choice, B11Apr18
Real Love:
4 steps in experiencing, B05Nov14
absence causes starving, DC4
absence causes unhappiness, DC1, DC3, RL intro
abundance of, RLWM 266
action, B06Aug09, B20Feb12
activities to find and share, DC2
addiction to, B24Oct14
all of us worth receiving, RLWM 114-16
allows deeper pain to surface, B17Nov17
always about, EWB383, EWB386-9, EWB408, EWB413-4, EWB418,EWB 429, EWB439,BWB404, BWB407-9, BWB426, BWB 430, BWB434, BWB 442, BWB445-6, BWB448, BWB450
anger separates from everything else, RLD 6, RLD 8, EWB38-47
answer to addition, DC58
answer to all problems, B07May07
appearance of, B13Oct06
asking for, B18Feb11
at work, DC40
attracting B12Jun15
awkward at first, B27Jul15
“bad” behavior from lack of, DC6
benefits of, RLV 355
books about, RLP123-4
calibration determines everything else, B09Jul12
can’t be forced, B13Dec06
can’t give until get, RL71, RL137-9, RLM 65-9, RLP14-19, RLP93-5, RLP148, RLWM 2, RLWM 3-6, RLWM 123, PCSD 224, RLW113-18, RLW165, EWB59, BWB355
can’t give until get, see Changing, examples of in parent-child relationship
can’t give what we don’t have, DC5, DC161, DC352, DC451, B24Feb14, B25Apr14
changes everything, B28Feb14, B02Jan15
changes how we see things, B02Jan15
characteristics, B19Nov14, RLWM 2-12, RLW 23-4
children ask for freely, B18Feb11
children can’t give to parents, RLP69-70, RLP208
choice, EWB38-9, BWB49, B06Aug09, B01Aug14, B19Nov14, B17Aug15, B07Mar18
choice or feeling, B19Nov14
choice, feeling, and ability, PCSD 272
coaching vs therapy, B10Feb16
commitment required, B28Aug07
communicating the most important thing, not accomplishing a task, BWB407-9
compared to twenty million dollars emotionally, RLP19-20, RLV 26
competition for, B05May14
connection from, RLP8, RLV 12, RLW12
connection to others from, RL5-6
consistency important, PCSD 103-4
consistent needed, RL129-30, see Real Love, frequent
controlling doesn’t work, B15Oct08
corporations that demonstrate, RLW3-4
counts only when children being “bad,” RLP137-8
create opportunities to feel, DC27
definition, RL4, RL8, RL83, RLM 4, RLP8, RLP137-8, RLD 5-7, PCSD 5-7, PCSD 16 , RLV 11, RLW 11, BWB48-9
definition calibrates everything else, B09Jul12
demanding impossible, DC443
demands for vary, B23Nov11
demonstrated by behavior, not words, B30May12, RLD 200
demonstrated when children behave badly, not when they behave well, RLP12-13
desperate need for, B18Apr14
determining absence in people, DC298
despite wounds from others, B07Feb11
different kinds of, B06Aug09
difficult at times, B09Jan14
difficult in beginning, B06Sep11
disappointment and anger separate from everything else, RLD 6, RLD 8, EWB38-47, BWB49-58
discussion of avoided in business literature, RLW27
discussion of in business as important as discussion of soil and water in agriculture, RLW 1
discussion of subjects closely related to in business literature, RLW 27-8
distinguishing from conditional love, RLV 12-14
disturbing at times, B17Nov17
does not just go away, B11Sep15
doesn’t mean giving everything people want, DC25
doesn’t mean you have to be doormat, RL8
don’t expect from any one person or group of people, DC161, DC165, B09Mar12
don’t try to give when you don’t have enough, BWB328-9, BWB332, BWB441
doubters of, B04Sep15
easier, B31Mar17
easier than everything else, B08Sep07, B02Sep08, B31Jan11, B04Apr11, B27Jul11, B16May14
easier than Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RL167, BWB309, BWB453-4
easier than the alternatives, B06Mar15
eat, B31Jan07
effects of, DC3, DC40, DC73, B07Oct06, B13Oct06, B23Feb07, RL6-7, RL124-8, RLD 67-8, RLWM 259-65, RLWM 271-3, PCSD 9, PCSD 16-17, PCSD 271-6, RLV 87-90, RLV 218-21, RLV 221-4, RLV236-8, RLV355, RLW12-14,RLW 14-15, RLW20-25, RLW72, RLW92-3,RLW 120-24, RLW138-40, RLW149-53, RLW160-62, RLW193-4, RLW200,RLW 248, RLW266-9, RLW312-17, EWB39-41, EWB51-3, EWB256-7, EWB273, EWB275-7, EWB351-3, BWB59-63, BWB215, BWB256-7, BWB453-4
effects of, examples, B09Apr07, B09May11, B22Jun12, RLM 33-6, RLM 68-9, RLM 80-4, EWB177, BWB330, BWB365-6, BWB371-2
effects of in workplace, RLV 227-30
effects of lack of, RLW16-20
effects of, physical, B09May11, RLM 5-7, RLM 77-80
effects of, see PCSD Treatment
effects of, specific to business, RLW162
effects on children as they feel from us, RLP121-2, RLP162-3, RLP197
effect on physical health, EWB23, BWB36-7
effect on self-control, RLWM 81-4
effects on us as adults, RLP101-2, RLP116, RLP120, RLP121-2
effects overwhelmed by moments of disappointment and anger, RLP12-13, RLP137-8, RLP162
effort required to find, B28Aug07, B05Feb08, B08Sep07, B21Dec08, B25May11, B27May11, B22Jul11
eliminates anger, DC3, DC4, B23Feb07, EWB49-53
eliminates conflict, see Conflict, eliminating
eliminates emptiness and fear, DC3, DC4, DC5, DC39, B23Feb11, RL65, RL210
eliminates Getting and Protecting, EWB49-53, BWB309
eliminates Getting and Protecting, examples, EWB177
eliminating victimhood with, RLV 209-39
endorsements, B07Oct06
enough from just a few, B29May15
especially when people treat us badly, BWB322-3
essential, DC2, DC3, DC4, B08Jun11, BWB69
essential to us, like water to fish, B08Jun11
everyone needs, B13Feb09
evidence for, B03Sep12
evidence that we have not received, RLW118
example of parenting interaction, DC10
examples of, DC26, DC366-367, B13Oct06, B25Mar08, B04Feb11, RLW20-25
examples of in public, B09May11
expectations in finding, RLD 58-60
expecting from one person, B26Mar12
experience to understand, B10Apr15
expressions of, B13Oct06, B25Mar08
fails only when not applied, B25Jan16
faith and, BWB266
faith in, B30Jun14, RLD 55
faith needed to feel, RLWM 153-5, RLWM 269
faith required for, DC133, B28Aug07, B31Jan11, B07Feb11, B05Aug11
falling in love in, RLD 119-20, RLD 121
fear obstacle to, RLWM 267
fear of losing, B26Mar12
features, B19Nov14
feeling, B31Jan07, B23Aug07, B06Aug09, B04Feb11, B21Nov11, BWB256-7
feeling in person, B16Feb11
feeling needed, not just understanding, RLWM 65, RLWM 283
feeling once enables us to recognize it when we see it in future, B27Aug12
find, don’t just talk about it, B31Jan07
finding, DC313, B16Aug07, B11Jul11, B21Nov11, B26Dec11, B20Jun12, B05Nov14, B29Sep17, EWB351-3, BWB383-4
finding compared to physical training, RLV 35-6
finding, cost, B12Aug16
finding, four steps, RL63, RLM 55, RLP98-120, RLW118-62
finding, not making, RLD 53, RLD 95-6
finding, not manipulating for, DC324
finding from particular person dangerous, B01Jul11, B09Mar12
finding from people other than spouse, RLM 65-72
finding from those who have it, DC352, B01Jul11, B09Mar12, B22Aug12
finding often, B11Nov11, B23Nov11
finding outside family, DC314
finding requires effort, DC349-350-351, B26Mar07, B27Jan11, B26Dec13
finding, resources to help with, RLP123-4, RLV 37-9, RLV 233, RLW163-4
finding, persistence required, RL65, RLM 116
finding takes what it takes, B26Dec13
finding, then taking to spouse, RLM 77-87
finding, truth telling, PCSD 16-17, RLV 35, RLV 225-6
finding, ways to, EWB 351-5, BWB383-4
first priority, B07Apr12
flow, B03Oct16
flow of, BWB358
forgetting, B15May18
forgetting, effect, B02May12, RL127
freedom of, B07Nov06, B04Feb11, B22Jun12
freely given, DC211-212-213, B13Dec06
freely given and received, DC369, B24Mar08, B15Oct08, B21Jan11, B18Jan12, RLWM 64, RLWM 69, RLV 257-8, RLV 259-61, RLV 261-2, RLW318-19, RLP69-70, RLP148
frequent needed to change our lives, RLWM 14-15, RLWM 45-6, RLWM 97-8
from anyone healing, EWB174-5
from spouse not essential, RLM 68-9
foundation of marriage, see Marriage, foundation
foundation of our lives, BWB169, BWB311
foundation of relationships, DC316, see Relationships, foundation
from anyone healing, BWB205, BWB275
gathering small bits, B04Feb15
get during conflict, RLWM 231-2
get from others to bring back to relationship, not to replace spouse, BWB420
getting can eliminate anger, RLP92, RLP129-31
getting doesn’t work, B15Oct08
getting in order to eliminate anger, RLM 126-27
getting it, effects of, EWB277, BWB313, BWB314
getting it destroys it, EWB277-9, BWB313, BWB314
getting vs. finding, BWB314
getting yourself and bringing back to relationship, RL125-6, RL128-9, RL234, RL241, RL250-3
gift, B21Jan11
gift, freely given and received, RL44, RL54
give what you can give freely, DC162
giving it increases it, BWB 308, BWB359
giving, see Loving
giving, not trading, RLD 104-5
greatest commandment, BWB38
greatest need for children, RLP8
greatest treasure, DC2, DC3, B21Dec08, B20Jan09
greatest power, DC3, B24Sep12
groups, see Real Love Groups
groups, EWB271-2, BWB305-6
grows with practice, EWB293, BWB322-3, BWB331
growth in, B07Nov06, B12Sep11, B02Jan14
half measures insufficient, DC349-350-351, B08Sep07
happiness only from, DC1, DC2, RLW 11
healing from any source, DC154-155, DC162, DC232-233, DC240, DC352, DC443, B11Aug11, B24Aug11, B18Aug14, RLM 68-9
healing past with, RLWM 259-62
heals all wounds, DC3
how comes, RL64-5, RL134
how it looks, B13Oct06, PCSD 227-8, RLV 225-7, RLV 231-5, RLV 284-8
how it’s not trading, RLD 104-5
how to find and share, DC2, DC5
Imitation Love a distraction from feeling, RLWM 267-9
impossible when demanded, DC130-131-132-133
in marriage, RLD 121-3
in person, B16Feb11, B26May11
in war, B08Mar17
in workplace, RL222-5
increases market value of company, RLW 3
increases stock returns, RLW 4
increases with giving, BWB308, BWB359
infinite supply, DC341-342, B14Jun12, B05May14, B12Feb16
infinitely more valuable than Imitation Love, RLD 92-3
innate desire for, DC243-244
innate feel for, DC243-244
intellectual understanding not enough, B30May16
interventions, see Interventions
introducing, B27Mar15
kinds of, B06Aug09
lack of, DC34, DC39
lack of, becomes normal, PCSD 84, PCSD 92
lack of, causes unhappiness, RLD 7
lack of, central wound, PCSD 4-11
lack of, effect, B09Nov06, B17Aug12, B24Aug12, RLD 7, RLWM 82, EWB61-3, EWB383, BWB69-144
lack of, effects, PCSD 9-19, PCSD 78-87, PCSD 216-18
lack of, evidence, PCSD 87, 92
lack of, explains our behavior, not to be excuse for it, BWB187
lack of, greatest problem in world, B05Jan15
lack of, hidden, PCSD 87-95
lack of, in childhood affects entire life, PCSD 105-7
lack of like electrolyte imbalance, B17Aug12
lack of, longstanding, RLD 7
lack of, metaphors for, RLD 1-2, RLD 3, EWB383, BWB 404
lack of outweighs occasional moments of loving, PCSD 102-3
learned through combination of loving, teaching, and faith, B05Aug15
learning about a process, DC95-96-97, B06Sep11, B12Sep11, B07Apr14, B01Aug14
learning appearance of, B29Sep17
learning difficult in beginning, B06Sep11, B09Jan14, B03Aug15
learning difficult sometimes, B09Jan14
learning is gradual, B12Sep11
life and death, B20Jan09
like riding horse, B09Jan14
like wings, B07Nov06
maintenance of, B08Dec14
marketing, B04Dec12
matters most, B01Feb12
melts monsters, RLW 22-3, RLW262, RLW268-9, EWB 435-7, BWB445
miracle of, B25Dec07, B16Feb11
miracle of multiplying, RLWM 8
miracles, examples, B02Nov12, B16Nov12, B03Dec12, B19Dec12, B17Feb14, B18Jul14
misconceptions about, RLW29
misunderstandings about, B13Oct06
missing piece of the puzzle, B07May07
more important than winning in any particular situation, RLW324
most important ingredient in a relationship, DC43, RLW 16
most important tool for parents, RLP93
must understand to resolve conflict, RLWM 223-4
natural state of life, B25Nov12
nature of, B13Oct06
need for, B18Apr14, RL4-5, RLWM 257-8, PCSD 4-11, PCSD 72-8, EWB272-3, EWB351
need for constant supply of, RLM 77-80
need for every day, BWB307-8
need help with, B14Mar14
need regularly, B11Nov11, B23Nov11
need to find and share, DC2, DC3, DC4, DC5
need to use the actual term Real Love, RLW29-31
needed before anything else, B08Jun11
never be satisfied with less than, RLD 200-1
never speak without, RLV 235-8
never try to get, RLD 55, RLD 92-3
never try to give more than you have, DC162
no disappointment or anger in, RLD 6
non-verbal communication, RLM 91
not all or nothing, RLP162, RLW196
not alone with, RLD 6-7
not being doormat, EWB121-3, EWB302
not enough time for, B16Aug07
not exchanged or traded, RLWM 245
not necessary from parents, DC30
not needing from any one person, B26Mar12
not permissive, RLW29, RLW226
not what most of us have received, EWB 55-9
not weak, DC396-397, RLW29
obstacles to, RL Chapter 9
obstacles to, removing, RLWM 266-71
one source is huge, B11Aug11
one-way in the beginning, B29Jan18
origin, B05Aug11
overwhelmed by moments of disappointment and anger, RLP12-13
pain unavoidable in, B07Feb11, B06Sep11
paying for, B04May11, B21Nov11
peace of, B04Feb11
peace of God through, BWB289, BWB308-9
persistence required, B28Nov06, B16Aug07, B28Aug07
physical health and, EWB23, BWB36-7
plus, RLD 121
pointing out, examples, RLWM 158-62
pointing out feeling to others, B31Jan07
power, not just principle, BWB 305
power of, B07Oct06, B07Nov06, B23Oct06, B25Dec07, B14Jan09, B31Jan11, B16Feb11, B24Jan12, B02Jun14, B08Oct14, B30Oct17, PCSD 271-6, RLV 221-4, EWB 443, BWB21-2
power of, example, BWB257, BWB286-7
power of, versus self-control, RLWM 83-4
power of one, B17Dec13
power of understanding, DC246-247
powerful from any source, RLM 68-9
powers universe, B01Dec17, B02Apr18
practice required, B28Aug07, B30Apr12, B07Apr14, B12Jan15
preparation for, B01Jul15
preventive, B07Sep15
price of, B21Dec08
priceless, B21Dec08
primary need, PCSD 72-8
prisons and, B13Feb09
process, not, B07Mar16
process of finding and giving, DC97
productivity determined by, RLW3-4
profitable, RLW2-4, RLW28, RLW 81-2
protection of, B20Mar15
protects us from turmoil of world, B02Jun14
proves worth, B08Oct14
quantifiable, B14Dec11
quantity known only under stress, B19Dec11
recognizing, B31Jan07, B27Aug12, B29Sep17, B31Jul18, EWB31-8, EWB47, BWB256
recognizing easier when we’ve felt once, B27Aug12
recognizing need for, DC26, DC30
remembering, RL71, RL118-19, RL161-2, RL171-2, RL240-1, RL250-1, RLM 126-7
remembering can help you eliminate anger, RLP92, RLW111-12
remembering powerful, B10Apr15
reminders of, B14Oct16
research in, B03Sep12
resisting, B02May12
river of, B14Jun12, EWB323, BWB358
romance in, RLD 119-20, RLD 121
sacrifice a part of, B27Jun08
sacrifice required to find, B21Dec08, B06Sep11
scientific evidence for, B03Sep12
see Loving
see Loving unconditional, but can still like some people more, RLD 104-5
see more clearly with, BWB338-9
seeing it, RLWM 158-62
self-control and, BWB186-8
setting limits, DC11
sharing, B27Mar15
sharing, how, 17Sep12
sharing it increases what we have, BWB308, BWB 359
sharing, power of, 17Sep12
signs of, DC74, RL8, RL47
simple, B23Aug07, B04Feb11, B13Feb14
skepticism of, B22Apr16
small amount worth infinitely more than lot of Imitation, EWB279
solution to fear, B22Jun12
solution to problems, B23Nov11, B22Jun12
sound soft, while Imitation loud, B25Nov08
spreading message of, B15Aug12
starving for, PCSD 4-5
steps to find, RL63
subject of all conflicts, RLW89-91
subtle effect, contrasted with Imitation, B25Nov08
supply varies, B23Nov11
synergistic with self-control, RLWM 83
synergy with making choices, RLW163
synonyms for in business literature, RLW27-8
test for, RL47, RLP8-9, EWB31-8, EWB38-47, EWB55-9, BWB49-59
test for whether we’ve received enough in our lives, RLP97, RLW118
testimonial, B12Aug16
time required to find, B14Feb11
truer than criticism and lack of acceptance, PCSD 310-11
truth telling begins process for finding, EWB186, BWB220
twenty million dollars, RLW72
understanding alone not enough, B31Jan07, B21Sep09, B13Apr11
unfamiliar at first, B27Jul15
unlimited, B05May14
unrecognized in beginning, B06Sep17
useless without action, B20Feb12
visible in faces of those who have it, 17Sep12
vs. conditional love, RLV 12-14
vs. Imitation, DC5, DC12, RL 47
vs. rescuing, RLV 256-7
vs. sympathy, RLV 256-7
vs. tasks, DC129-130-131-132-133
vs. things, DC129-130-131-132-133
war and, B08Mar17
warming up to, B07Apr14
ways to express, B25Mar08
what it looks like, B04Feb11, EWB223, BWB256
what it is not, B13Oct06, EWB 38-9, BWB49
what we need most, DC30
when have enough, not deceived by Imitation Love
why not?, B30Jun14
why not everywhere, B27May11
why not universally pursued, B17Feb17
without, see Unloved
with, nothing else matters, RL5, RLWM 81, RLP8, RLD 12, RLW 116, BWB84
with, seeing possible, RL136
with friends, RL219-20
with strangers, RL221
without enough, emptiness and fear result, RLD 27
without, metaphors for, BWB404
without, we are blind, BWB169, BWB207
work to maintain, B08Dec14
works from anyone, RL121, RLWM 260
works only when applied, B25Jan16
worth every sacrifice to find, BWB 309, BWB383-4
worth everything we do to find it, B12May14
worth waiting for, DC316
Real Love, the book:
purpose of, RLWM 39, BWB306
Real Love for Wise Men and Women, the book, BWB306
Real Love calls:
faith in, B11Jul14
more not necessarily the answer, B11Jul14, B14Jul14
purpose of, B14Jul14
Real Love Groups: RLM 76-7
attacking in, B23Sep15
described, RLD 67
finding, creating, B11Jul11
guidelines for, DC145
how to form, B12Jun15
Real Love Score, BWB335-6
Real world:
Real Love, not world of pain, B28Feb14
Real meaning of what people say and do, see What people say and do (real meaning)
Reassurance, vs. re-proving love, B26Jun18
Rebirth, see Born again
Reboot, B19Feb07
“Recalculating,” metaphor of, B21Nov06
Recipe for Real Love, more than one, B15Jun11
Reconciliation, suggestions for, BWB446
Recurrent memories, in PCSD, PCSD 181-4
Reef, dead, B07Aug18
in PCSD, PCSD 181-6
in PTSD, PCSD 49-54
behavior tends to be, B22Jul15
changing, B17Jun15
fear is without instruction and love, B22Jul15
our behavior, B17Jul15
our choices are, B17Jun15
to pain, B17Jun15
avoid where unnecessary, RLD 60-1
can’t take love from you, RLP118
defined, DC282
get to faster, RLD 90-1, RLD 93-4, RLD 139-40, RLD 210
lose only illusion of affection, RLP118
recognize early, RLD 90-1
responding to, DC311-312, RLD 94, RLD 139-40
what to do with, EWB223, BWB257-8
addiction of, RLD 109-10, RLD 129
asking questions about condition of, B10Nov14
attention required, B07Apr17
attraction in, basis for, DC88, DC100-101-102-103
based on truth, DC5, DC53
becoming whole first, B09Dec16
beginning with Real Love, DC434
blaming eliminated by understanding Real Love, BWB107-9
blaming in, BWB106-7
can’t be healthy without Real Love, B06Apr07
can’t choose only some of characteristics of our partner, RLWM 212
change as you change, RLD 206-9
changing, examples, see Changing, relationships, examples
changing, examples, DC5, RL118-20, RL124-8, RL149-51, RL159-60, RL173-5, RL207-12, RLWM 4-6
changing, how, EWB241-2, BWB276-8
changing, result of changing you, RL124-5
children in, DC401-402
choices in, DC311-312, RL49-60, RL219-20
choosing, RLWM 212
choosing partners for, B07Mar12
“click,” RLD 24-5
commitment and persistence required, B22Dec17
consequences of choosing to stay or leave, DC15
courage required in, B09Apr12
criteria for establishing, RLD 103-8, RLD 108-11, RLD 111-16
deceptive when going “okay,” B06Apr07
decisions about staying vs. leaving, RLD 202-9
definition, DC66, RL48, RLM 41, RLD 97, RLWM 51, BWB317-18, BWB336
destroyed by lack of Real Love, DC2, DC3
different levels of commitment in, B26Oct12
difficult people in, B11Jan12
don’t move from one to the next, DC100-101-102-103
duet, comparison with, RLD 4
end indicates Imitation Love all along, DC12
ending, DC285-286, DC324
ending can be good, DC15, B11Jan12
enduring, see Live with the pig and like it, gritting teeth failing, feelings in, BWB106-7
effects of expectations, DC5
effort required in, B09Apr12
exclusive not necessary, RL197
fail because of lack of Real Love, RLD 11-12, RLD 21-2, RLD 70, RLD 204
failed, real cause, DC29, DC43, B06Apr07
finding acceptance, being yourself, rewards of, DC14
finding Real Love most important action, RLD 128
foundation Christ, BWB108-9
foundation Real Love, BWB108, B30Sep15
foundation truth, BWB317, BWB429
gathering information in, DC135-136-137
goals in, BWB 276-8
guidelines, B01May17
healthy if accepting as they are, DC59
healthy, natural result of two healthy people, RLD 4, RLD 70
imbalance in contribution to, B29May18
in healthy, people add to one another’s happiness rather than need one another, RLD 108
keys to success in, RLP316-9
lack of preparation dangerous, B21Aug15
laws of, DC496
learned, BWB178-9
leaving, see Leaving relationships
letting go of, DC324
like growing tree, B29May18
live with it and hate it, RL59, RL 219-20
live with it and like it, RL58-9, RL 159-60, RL 183, RL 220, RL 248-9
long distance, DC188-189, RLD 154
looking for partner in, see Partner
“magic” an illusion, DC5
maintaining, B09Apr12
married vs. not, making decisions about, RLD 201-2
mixing with other teachings, B30Sep15
moments at a time life-changing, RL165
natural result of choices of two partners, RLD 4
not complicated, B01May17
one-sided, DC67
one-sided, see Loving, one-sided
pain unavoidable in, B07Feb11
physical abuse in, DC298-299-300-301-302
preparation for, B09Dec16
priorities in, DC401-402
priorities with children, DC401-402
problems mystery without understanding Real Love, RL1-2
problems in start with US, B24Mar14
quality to look for in partner, BWB437
reason for failure, RLV 21, BWB84
requirements of our partners in, see Requirements
sacrifice required for, B28Oct11
saving not always a wise goal, RLD 200-2
selfish, usually, DC5
standards for, B07Mar12
staying in and starting over with present partner, RLD 202-4
successful with honesty, DC43
take 100% responsibility for problems in, RLWM 218
taught little about, RL48
teaching children about, RLP302-3
three choices in, DC134-135-136-137
three decisions about staying vs. leaving, RLD 202-9
two-fold purpose to love and be loved, RLD 104
two keys, B23Dec16
two keys to success in, RLD 2-3, BWB313
unhappiness caused by lack of Real Love, DC1, DC5, DC12, DC15
we are the problem in, B24Mar14
we attract people who are as loving as we are, DC88
what they are not, RLD 97, BWB317
why fail, DC5, DC13, DC15, B31Oct06, RLD 11-12, RLD 22-3, BWB84
why stay in a bad one, DC60
Religion, not primary subject of discussion in Workbook, BWB5-6
Remembering love, see Real Love, remembering and trusting, B18Sep15
Repentance (and repent):
can be discouraging, BWB182
changing our perspective of with understanding of Getting and Protecting Behaviors, BWB182-5
commandments to, BWB182
difficult with will power alone, BWB184
easier than sin, BWB230-1
negative connotations of have interfered with our ability to, BWB182
self-control, role of, BWB185
with Real Love much easier, BWB184-5
effects of, B24Dec12
of same conversation indicates listening not happening, B23Sep11
of same unproductive behaviors is insane, B25Nov09
reasons for, B24Dec12
Re-proving love, vs. reassurance, B26Jun18
acceptance of refusal, RLM 196-97
ask, don’t demand, RLM 194-96
avoiding clear to avoid rejection, B12Mar12
characteristics of, RLW 295
clear, RL179-81, EWB319
clear and specific, RLM 1997-202, RLM 260-61, RLWM 63, RLWM 251-4
deceiving ourselves about, B11Jun14
emptiness and fear in, signs of, RLM 192
enthusiasm in responding to, RLM 193-94
examples, RLM 155-56, RLWM 59-60, RLWM 63, RLWM 66
follow-up, RLWM 254
general, danger of, RLM 203
impossible without Real Love, RL61-2, RL177-8, RL183-4
information and asking, B25Mar15
limit to individual actions, not to patterns, B31Dec14
listening in, RLM 203-4, RLM 261
loving, B03Oct14
make lots of, RLM 202
making, RL61-2, RL177-84, RLM 188-203, RLWM 59, EWB319, BWB 354-5
making clear, B12Mar12
making each time as though the first time, B11Jun14
making others satisfy unclear, B12Mar12
modifying, RLM 205-8, RLM 261-65
need for Real Love in, RL177-8, RL183-4
promises and, RL181-3
rating, RLM 208-9
Real Love most important thing in, RLM 189-94
receiving, RLM 201-2
refusal of, RLM 209-10, RLM 196-97
responsibility of person wanting something, B25Mar15
right to make, B11Jun14
score-keeping and, RL183
tone of voice in, B11Jun14
true, B27Jan17
vs. demands, DC321, B13Feb09, B11Jun14, B03Oct14, B31Dec14, RLM 46-9, RLM194-96, RLWM 60-1, RLWM 253, RLW294
vs. demands, examples, B26Jun18
vs. expectations, B31Dec14, RL 61-2, RL178-9, RL232-4
vs. expectations or demands, EWB317-19, BWB354
vs. persuasion, B27Jan17
definition, DC398-399
each of us unique in, B10Jul15
examples, DC397-398-399
Rescue, children, bad, B21Oct15
difficult and messy, B13Feb12
keeps children from being responsible, BWB439
negative consequences of, B19Jul12, B28Dec12
often harmful, BWB323
perpetuates weakness, BWB 437
results of, BWB438
vs. Real Love, RLV 256-7
cancer of, B20Jan16
eliminated by changing judgment, B30Mar18
justification of, B20Jan16
Resistance, needed, B25Nov16
Resolutions, difficulty in keeping, BWB195
demanding encourages lying and other Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLP83-4
demanding is form of power,RLP81-3
learned, not to be expected, RLP81-3
need for, RLP82-3, RLP85
real is freely given, not demanded, RLP81-3
see Obedience
teaching, RLP84-5
Responding, depends on capacity, B12Jun18
assigning, RLW299-302
avoiding by getting angry at the one giving assignment, RLP347-8
choice, RLP336-7
chores, see Chores
confusion about, B19Jul12, B13Sep12
consequences of not teaching, B14Jan15
examples, B20Jul16
excessive for the feelings of others, B17Sep14
falsely accepting for the behavior of others, B26Jun12, B13Sep12, B17Sep14
fear of, RLWM 90-1
First Law of (responsible for our choices), BWB 342-3
for our choices, not consequences of our choices, RLWM 91-3
for our choices, not for those of others, B18Mar11, RL 230-31
for our own choices, RL11-12, RLWM 88-9, EWB304-5
for what, B19Jul12, B13Sep12
freedom that comes from, RLP78-9
Getting and Protecting Behaviors attempts to avoid, RLWM 91
happy when, RLP321-2, RLP348-9, RLW285-6
identifying correct to take, B18Nov07, B18Mar11, B19Jul12
lack of, teaching effect of, RLP337-8
law of, RLP338-9, RLWM 88
Laws of, EWB304-11, BWB342-8
Laws of, examples of applying, EWB309-11, BWB347-8
learned only with Real Love, RLP334-5
limited for our mistakes, RLWM 91-6
nature of, B19Jul12
not for choices of others, EWB309, BWB346-7
not for happiness of others, RLWM 98-102
not for other people’s choices, B18Mar11, B26Jun12
not for other people’s feelings, B18Nov07, B13Sep12, B17Sep14
not for the behavior of others, RLP349-51
other people are not for our happiness, RLV 147-8
our innate desire to be, RLW285-6
ours not determined by the needs of others, B19Jul12
ours toward victims, RLV 310-11
parents for children’s happiness, RL11-14
positive feedback for, RLP343-5, RLP355-6
primary to love as well as we can, B19Jul12, B13Sep12
purpose of teaching, RLP321-2
reporting, RLW302
responding to lack of, RLP334-8
Second Law of (can’t choose consequences), BWB343-4
see Chores
see Consequences
take 100% in relationship, RLWM 218
taking for others, consequences of, B19Jul12
taking for our own choices, RLW132-3
teaching, DC381-382, DC498-499-500
teaching children, RLP322-61
teaching with Real Love, RLP98, RLP334-8, RLV 192-3, RLV 193-6, RLW132-3, RLW299-302
Third Law (not responsible for choices of others), BWB346-8
to make choices, RLWM 96-8
toward other people, but not FOR them, B24Mar08, B13Sep12
two kinds, RLP321, RLW285
we are to be loving, RLV 148
we’re not for the choices made by others, RLV 308-10
we’re not for the happiness of other people, RLV146
why desirable, RLW285-6
why parents reluctant to assign, RLP322
without can’t be happy, RLWM 90
hanging on to, like old diapers, B24Jan11
Resorla, Rick, B05Nov08
finding, B07Dec16
need for, B04Oct17
Restart, B12Aug15
Results, all that matters, B30May16
according to our ability, B27Feb15
how to receive, B27Aug14
preparation required, B08Nov17
foolishness of, B06Oct06
lazy, B17Jan18
no need for with Real Love, RL121-2
Reverse engineering, B20May15
pay our whole lives for what we get, B14Apr12
price of, B22May15
of growth, B07Feb18
wisdom of, B07Feb18
Richard, King, sword, B25Jan17
Rifle, loading, B05Apr17
children will do if taught and loved, RLP177, RLP276, RLP316
definition, RLP25, RLP65, BWB377
innate tendency to do, DC329
parent’s responsibility to teach, RLP25
why we do it, RLP188-9
Right, being:
addiction, DC58, B16Apr14
acceptable at times, B02Dec07
afraid to let others be, BWB248
Biblical references to, BWB248
can’t be wise man when we insist on, RLWM 29
causes conflict, BWB243
cost, B06Mar15
danger, B06May15, B26Aug15, B01Jul16
definition, BWB238
effects of, EWB201, EWB241, EWB247-9, BWB238, BWB241
examples, B01Jul16
exercise for giving up, EWB201-3, BWB240-1
Field of Death and, BWB248
foolishness of, DC412-413, B31Jan07
giving up, examples, EWB203-5, BWB238-9
happy or, BWB248-9
hard to give up, RL66, EWB 203, BWB238
harm of, B13Nov18
how to judge, B13Nov18
how to stop, B13Nov18
Imitation Love from, EWB199, BWB238
insisting on being vs. being happy, RLP190
irrelevant, EWB429, BWB133, BWB442
judging who is, B13Nov18
kills desire to change, RL66
makes happiness impossible, BWB248-9
messages communicated by, EWB201, BWB239
need to be, DC55
price of, B02Dec07, B03Jun08
reluctant to admit need for, BWB238
safety from, RLWM 29
see Blaming
talking about details evidence of, EWB241, EWB243
talking about other people evidence of, EWB243
test for need to be, EWB199-201, BWB238-9
trap of, B31Jan07
unhappiness from, DC186-187, B03Jun08, RL239, EWB 203, BWB238
vs. being happy, RL 67, RLWM 230, EWB201-5
why we insist on, EWB397
worthlessness of, DC80
Right, definition, RL17, RLWM 84
“Right person”:
finding, obsession with, RLD 2
finding, process flawed, RLD 3
finding not enough, RLD 3
Right thing:
people will do if taught and loved, RLW 226, RLW258-9, RLW297-8
definition, RLW 106
Right to demand, see Rule of Conflicting Needs
cost vs. benefit, B09Mar15
necessary for happiness B23Mar15
unavoidable in search for happiness, B26Dec14
unavoidable in finding Real Love, B28Sep15
Risks, necessary, B12Jul17
River Jordan, BWB308
River, no fire in, B02Jun14
River of Real Love, EWB323, BWB358
River rock, B18Jul11
Road rage, responding to, DC484-485-486
Rob, RLP246-7, RLP316, RLP348
picking up, B23Oct15
sinking in soil, B27Jul16
Role assignment, RLWM 76-81
changing, DC113-114
how acquired: DC111-112-113
repeating, DC111-112-113
rewards of, DC111-112-113
choice, B01Apr15, B22Apr15
in Real Love, B09Jan15
Roof repair, B27Jan11
Room, dirty:
allowing children to make decisions about according to age, RLP269
responding to, RLP190-2
clinging, DC166-167
throwing out, DC11
Roosevelt, Theodore, B13May15
mud and, B06Jun14
not personal, B07May11
kern mantle, B06Apr16
pulling, B26Jul17
stepping on, B06Apr16
Rose bush, people like, B23Oct17
Roses, and expectations, RLM 46-9
Rottweiler puppies, RLP2
Rubbing eye, B11Apr18
Rules of seeing:
First, DC31, RL 97, RL 197-8, RLM 117, RLP164-5, RLP167-8, RLP294, RLWM 125-7, RLWM 129-30, RLW 189-91
Second, DC31 RL 97-9, RL 197-8, RLM 117-19, RLP165, RLP167-8, RLP294, RLWM 125-7, RLWM 129-30, RLW191
Third, RL 99-100, RLM 119-20, RLM 203-4, RLP114-6, RLP165-6, RLP167-8, RLD 117, RLWM 127-9, RLWM 129-31, RLW191-2
Fourth, RL 100-2, RL 231, RL 250-3, RLM 120-21, RLP167-8, RLP283, RLWM 19, RLWM 124-5, RLWM 248, RLW192-4
in non-verbal communication, RLWM 132-3
purpose, RLP163, RLW188
Rules, used to control people, RLW250-51
can’t demand people stop, RL 232-4
cost of, RLW82
defined, RLD 41
definition, RLP50, RLP236, PCSD 166, RLV 27, RLW 82
don't, B11Aug17
effect of, RLD 43
examples, RL 113, RL 255-6, RLM 22, RLP50, RLP236, RLD 41-3, RLWM 215, PCSD 166-7, RLV 27, RLV 92-3, RLW 82, EWB 127-9, BWB144, BWB224
forms of, RL 26-7
parents from children, RLP88, RLP210, RLP239
responding, DC435-436 RL 232-4, RL 255-6
responding to badly, RLP237-9
responding to correctly, RLP239
responding to more productively, RLW283-4
see Getting and Protecting Behaviors
vs. leaving, RL 251
vs. withdrawal, B24May17, PCSD 301-2
ways to, RLWM 214-15
why, DC435-436, RLP236
why we, RLD 41
withdrawing different than, RLWM 250-1
Rush, don't, B11Aug17
beginnings, B29Jul16
deep, B29Jul16
Rwanda, civil conflict in, related to victimhood, RLV 172-9