Master Index - D

1-A    B    C   D    E    F    G    H    I    J-K    L    M    N   O    P-Q    R    S   T    U    V    WXYZ

How to Use the Index

This Master Index covers thousands of topics found in every Real Love book, the 500 Daily Coaching Videos and all the blogs.

Note that all the page numbers for the books refer to the hard copies of the book but not to location numbers in Kindle books.

In this index you can find Real Love answers to all your questions—it's like having your own personal coach 24/7.


How can you use it? Let’s look at a couple of examples:

Example One:
You want to tell the truth about yourself to your spouse. You want to change the direction of your marriage and create genuine, intimate, and lasting connections between you. How do you start? What can you say? Let’s look at the index:

Click on the T above and then go to Truth Telling, and you’ll discover a great many sub-headings, like “about ourselves,” “about your spouse,” “about our mistakes,” and more.

Or click on M and go to Marriage, truth telling in

Example Two:
Your child is being irresponsible, or angry, or whatever. What can you do? Click on the P and go to Parenting, and you’ll discover a great many sub-headings that will get your interest, like “teaching children about choice,” and more.


The following abbreviations are used throughout the Master Index:

DC = Daily Coaching Videos, 1 - 505
B = Blog, for example, B19Sep12 means blog from 19 Sep 2012
RL = The book, Real Love
RLM = The book, Real Love in Marriage
RLP = Real Love in Parenting
RLD = Real Love in Dating
RLWM = Real Love for Wise Men and Women
PCSD = Post Childhood Stress Disorder
RLV= Real Love and Freedom for the Soul (Victimhood)
RLW= Real Love in the Workplace
EWB = Essentials of Real Love Workbook
BWB = Essentials of Real Love Bible Workbook
Note: all the page numbers for the books refer to the hard copies of the book, not to location numbers in Kindle books


Dam, leaking, B03Jul12
Dangers we can’t see the ones that get us, B26Jan11
age, RLP397-8
age difference in, RLP399
and adult children, DC44
asking, examples, RLD142
asking, fear of, RLD139
asking, fear of, eliminating, RLD139-40
asking, how, RLD142
asking for date, RLD139-44
attracting wrong partners with Imitation Love, DC12, B25Jul11
best foot forward in, EWB73-7, BWB 82-4
criteria for finding partner, DC495-496-497, B18Jul11, B25Jul11, B09Sep11
criteria for partner different from criteria for unconditional loving, RLD23-4
dangers of, B21Aug15
delaying, DC497
don’t avoid rejection in, EWB 283, BWB317
double, RLD147
drugs and, RLP399
end of date, RLD155
exchanging praise in, EWB75-7, BWB82-4
expectations in, DC134-135-136-137
fear of commitment in, RLV 154-7
fears in, RLD83-4
finances of, DC134-135-136-137
financial arrangements of, RLD86
find Real Love before you start, RLD69-70
foundation of truth required in, EWB283, EWB421, BWB317, BWB436
gathering information in, DC135-136-137, B25Jul11, B09Sep11
goals of, RLD85-6
guidelines, B01Feb17
help from others, B22Oct14
honesty in, DC12
how most of us approach, RLD92
Imitation love in, DC298, B09Sep11, RLD24-5, RLD92, EWB89-91, EWB279, EWB421, BWB435-6
importance of research in, B22Jul16
increasing efficiency of, RLD90-1
Internet, see Internet
inter-racial, DC196-197
kissing, B01Feb17
learning more about, EWB283, EWB421, BWB316-17, BWB436
like job interview, RLD76-8
lying in, EWB 75-7, BWB83-4
moving on to next level, RLD155-6
often, RLD154
partner at work, RLD154
partner with children, RLD154
preparation for, RLD127-9, RLD130-1, RLD140
purpose, for most people, RLD70-1
purpose, healthy, RLD71, RLD76-7, RLD144
purpose of, B25Jul11
purpose to gather information, RLD76-8, RLD95
purposes, RLP397
qualities not to value when, RLD18
qualities to look for, DC226, B18Jul11, B25Jul11, B09Sep11, RLD3, EWB421, BWB437
readiness for, DC497
Real Love book, role in, RLD150-1, RLD186
Real Love in, B22Jul16
repeated attraction of same kind of partner in, RLD24-5
saying no to request for, RLD144, RLD157
second and beyond, RLD156-8
sex in, avoiding, DC495-496-497, see Sex
social pressures of, EWB355-7, BWB385-6
social requirement that we be if single, EWB355-9, BWB385-8
something obviously wrong with way we, EWB283, BWB316
standards for, B18Jul11, B07Mar12
standards not controlling, B07Mar12
steady, RLP398
test for preparation, RLD126
third and beyond, RLD157-8
trading Imitation Love in, DC495-496-497, RLD24-5
transparent, B22Oct14
truth telling in, RLD 71-89, EWB 283, EWB421, BWB317, BWB436
two unhappy people in, DC163
type, 3 RLP98
used for sex, DC12
victimhood in, RLV 154-62
what to do on first and second dates, RLD144-6
what to talk about, RLD147-8, see Truth telling
when, B22Oct14, RLD125-9
when answer is maybe, RLD143
when answer is yes, RLD143
when not to, RLD125-6
where, RLD129-31
who, RLD154
who asks, RLD140-2
without truth telling is worthless, RLD71
working out the details, RLD143
Dead Sea, BWB308
Deaf or offended, B11Feb13, B26Dec13
in family responding to, DC158-159-160
lessons of, DC272-273-274-275-276
nature of, DC307
needed to live, B11Oct17
not cause of unhappiness, B06Oct06
of old ways, B11Oct17
responding to in others, DC272-273-274-275-276
too slow or too fast, B22May17
effects multiply, B08Feb17
joint, how, Principle of Common Ground, B02Jul14
just make, B09Sep16
make first, DC263-264
make in order, DC263-264, B05Dec16, B03Apr17
make without guilt or obligation, B26Oct12
making after Primary Decisions, RLM 160-65
making based on foundation decision, DC207
making joint, B02Jul14
must make, B14Apr17
paralyzed by, B09Sep16
primary, DC501
step-wise, DC212-213, B03Apr17
truth foundation of, DC300
Declaration of Independence, B04Apr14
Defending ourselves, see Protecting ourselves
futility, B22Jan18
how, B22Jan18
makes feeling love impossible, B03Apr15
form early, B08May15
from childhood, B08May15
importance of, B31Jan13, B30Apr14, B08May15
Deformities, sharing truth about, DC358
Delivery, of words important, B05Mar18
can’t feel loved when making, RLWM 62
characteristics of, RLWM 61
consequences negative, RLM 196, RLWM 62, RLWM 253
dangers of, DC121-122-123, B13Dec06, B31Jan07
effect, B04Sep17
giving in to, DC470-471
make less likely we’ll get what we want, RLWM 62
make Real Love impossible, B13Dec06
no right to make that someone do something FOR you, B01Aug11
other people feel them, RLWM 253
responding to, DC267-268-269, DC470-471, B18Nov07
right to make that someone stop doing something TO you, B01Aug11
signs of, RLWM 61-2
vs. requests, B13Feb09, RLM 46-9
unhealthy, RLWM 57-8
Denial, futility of, B08Jun15
children on parents, B23Apr14
privilege and right, B23Apr14
Depends, response on capacity, B12Jun18
Depression, RLM 165-66, RLP258-9
affects ability to feel Real Love, RLWM 270
cause of, DC322-323
diagnosis, DC168-169
interaction with lack of Real Love, RLWM 269-70
leading cause of disability, RLW 19
nature of, RLWM 269-70
Real Love and, DC322-323
responding to, DC168-169, DC409
role of medication, B17Jul17
cotton candy analogy, DC4
dying in:
metaphor, illustrating cause of expectations, EWB314, BWB350-1
metaphor, illustrating that love from any source is healing, like water, EWB239-41, BWB275
metaphor, illustrating why we aren’t more loving, EWB319, BWB355
or jungle, a choice, B30Apr14
refusing food in, B15Aug14
screaming in thirst in, while being given water, B21Feb14
Desire to change, see Change, desire to
choosing, B26Feb18
demonstrated by actions, not words, B26Dec12
demonstrated by our behavior, see Truth, behavior tells first step toward faith, RLWM157-8
healthy, B26Feb18
Desperation, of Imitation Love, B20Apr15
Despite, loving, B06Apr18
Dessert, compared to sex, RLD171
Dew, B03Mar14
not answer, but long perspective, B26May08
avoid when stating what you will do, RLWM 248-50
distilling to what matters, EWB243-7, EWB249, EWB407, BWB279-81, BWB291
distracting, DC411-412-413
don’t cause conflicts, BWB282
don’t be distracted by,  DC411-412-413, RLM 115-16, RLW 279-82, RLW 317
don’t get distracted by, RLV 200, RLV 251-2
don’t matter, EWB245, BWB282, BWB442, BWB443-4
focusing on often evidence of need to be right, EWB241, EWB245, EWB431, BWB275-6, BWB279, BWB282, BWB292-3, BWB423
focusing on keeps us from addressing what’s important, EWB241
important, BWB241 BWB275-6, BWB434
of issues not important, B31May17
of pain not important, B31May17
of wounds don’t matter, RLWM 259-62
telling, B11Jan17
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III), PCSD 39, PCSD 55
cutting, B31Oct16
pursuit of perfect, B21Dec08
we are, B31Oct16
Diapers, RLWM 53
changing, B23Jun17
hanging on to old, like guilt, B24Jan11
soiling, metaphor for making mistakes, DC217
Die (death):
our right to, DC306-307
Diet Coke, B19Mar18
Different (differences):
accepting, DC218-219-220, B08Apr11, B29Jul11
isolate us, B08Apr11
need for, B29Jul11
people are, DC218-219-220, B29Jul11
resolving, RLWM 255-6
resolving easy, RLM 165
vs. conflict, RLM 111
choice, B16Sep09
function of us, not the circumstances, B16Sep09
loving with some people, B06Jul16
often good for us, B15Jul11, B05Dec11
Real Love less than everything else, B02Sep08
see Problems
times help us identify what we need to work on, B03Feb11
used as code word for afraid, B10Apr09
Difficult experiences, required for learning in life, RLV 186-7
Dignity, perspective of changed by trauma, PCSD 34
men and, DC246-247-248-249-250-251
Directness, when, B20Sep17
DIRECTV, commercials, B24Aug12
Dirty, getting in process of finding happiness, B05Dec16
of all Getting and Protecting Behaviors, B10Sep12
spiral of, B10Sep12
ways to express, B28Oct16
when, B11Jul16
eliminating, RL234-6
unavoidable, RL234
vs. conflict, RL228, RL234-5
caused by lifetime of not feeling loved, RL 146
common, RL 146
different than anger only in degree, RL 149, RLW 16, EWB39, BWB50
distinguishes Real Love from conditional, RLM 8, RLV 12-14
effect of, PCSD 75
effect on children, RLP9, RLP10-13, RLP58-64
eliminated with Real Love, RL 179
evidence of expectations, RL 178
evidence of Imitation Love, RL 8, RL 20
evidence of lack of acceptance, RL 146-7
evidence of not feeling loved, RL 139
evidence of selfishness, RLP 9
evidence that we enjoy power over our children, RLP81
evidence that we expect our children to love us, RLP69
evidence that we’re not unconditionally loving our children, RLP9, RLP69, RLP146
examples of, RL 146-7
“I don’t love you” the meaning of, RLV 13
incompatible with Real Love, RLV 13-14
lying about, RL 147-8
manipulating others with, RLWM 54-5
“Me-me-me” the meaning of, RLV 13
natural, RL 146

nature of, B19Mar09
never express to children, RLP95
normal sometimes, B13Feb09
not always selfish, B13Feb09
responding to, B22May12
see Anger Disapproval
selfish, RL146-7, RLWM 21

selfish vs not, B19Mar09

selfishness of, B19Mar09
sensitivity to, PCSD 75
separates Real Love from everything else, B13Feb09, RLD6
sign of Imitation Love, DC47, RLWM 21
signs of, RLWM 54-5
what really means, RLP9
wrong, RL238
reacting to, DC44
avoid when pursuing Real Love, RLM 116
responding to, DC409
Disgusting, notion of is learned, B06Jan12
Disparity between the precipitating events (the action) and their consequences (the reaction), PCSD 89- 91
Disrespect, how we interpret as parents, RLP81-2
compartmentalization and, PCSD 31-6
role in PTSD, PCSD 31-36
Distractions, effects, B27Sep17
Ditch digging story, EWB144, BWB164
blocked, how, B30Mar12
dig in rain, B03Feb11
first, B13Jun16
ditches, necessary, B13Jun16
Division of labor, B05Mar14, RLM 213-17
after, RLM 312-18
after, with children, RLM 315-18, RLM 304-5
after, without children, RLM 314
anger in, RLM 288-90
begins early, B07Mar14
big decision, RL267
blaming in, RLM284-88
blended families, RLP405
business, DC165
calm needed in, B07Jan13
causes, B07Mar14, RLM 283-88
child custody, RLM 308-11, RLM 316-17
child support payments in, RLM 311-12
child visitation in, RLM 308-10, RLM312
children, custody in, DC480
children in, DC259, DC418-419-420-421, B07Jan13, RLP404-5
co-habitation as prevention of, RLM 292
considerations in, RL196, RL264-7
don’t be in a hurry to, RLM 294
don’t consider until you have Real Love, RLM 174-78, RLM 294
effects of, DC231-232-233
effects on children, B07Jan13, RLM 302-5
explaining to children, DC418-419-420-421, B14Dec12
family events, RLM 318
family rules in, RLM 317-18
freedom from anger and guilt in, RLM 287
friends in, RLM 313
gossip from, B30Dec15
guaranteed early, B07Mar14
guide to, DC163-164-165
hating not productive, B07Jan13
incidence of, RLD2, RLD22
loving children in, B07Jan13
making decision to, RLM 292-301
never too late to stop, RLM 296-97
not cause of trauma to children, B16Dec12
preventing, RLM 290-92
principles to consider after, EWB297, BWB334
process of, RLM 305-12
property, division of, RLM 307-8
questions to ask before, EWB295, BWB333
reasons for, DC66
responding to, DC65-66-67-68, DC257-258-259, DC418-419-420-421
responding to spouse’s decision to, RLM 299-301
separation instead of, RL267-8
see, Leaving Relationships
sometimes best decision, RLM 297-99
spouse support (financial) in, RLM 307-8
talking about, RLM 292-99, RLM 301-2
telling children about affair in, B14Dec12
telling children truth about, B14Dec12
telling truth about your responsibility in, RLM 286-87, RLM300-02
trauma of, DC65
trying to stop usually unwise, DC66
understanding, RLM 284-90
what if I had been more loving question, DC418
when, B25Dec17
when car burning, B16Oct15
when to consider, B16Oct15
why, B07Mar14
with children, RLM 315
Doberman Pinschers, B07Feb11
Doctors, waiting in offices of, DC444-445
barking, RLWM 73
barking metaphor, EWB171, EWB176, BWB203, BWB209
behavior compared to that of children, RLP2, RLP17-19
easier to love than people, B24Oct12
experience with, PCSD 69-70
experiment with, B11May16
fighting, RLV 107-8
killed, B04Jun14
metaphor, raising children, DC6
shocked, B15May15
training, like training dog, B29Sep14
effortless, B14Aug17, B16Feb18
proceeds naturally from worth, B14Aug17, B16Feb18
vs. talking, B21May12
Donne, John, DC240
Door, decision, B16Aug17
being is actually not loving, EWB302-3, BWB340-1
examples, DC11, DC25, DC30, RLM 188
Real Love doesn’t make us, EWB121, EWB302-3, BWB340-1
laziness of, B18Jun12
Douglass, Frederick, PCSD 130
Down Syndrome, camp with kids having, B13May16
Drainage, metaphor, B30Mar12
addiction, B13Jul16
alternatives, B13Jul16
definition, B13Jul16
distracting, B04Jun14
effect, B22May17
examples, B13Jul16
love of, B22May17
not helpful, B05May17
Real Love protects us from, B02Jun14
rewards of, B13Jul16
Driving, criticism of, DC326-327-328-329-330
Driving, bad:
message of, DC235
reasons for, DC235
responding to, DC235-236-237-238-239, DC484-485-486
Drop dead, ways to spell, B28Oct16
cause of conflict, DC218-219-220
can’t be grateful when, metaphor, DC98
compared to feeling unloved, RLWM 7-8
dangers of saving, B02Nov11
discussed, RLD48-50
examples of using, RLD100, RLD203
foolishness of telling drowning people to stop, RLP368, RLW 92-4
Getting and Protecting Behaviors like what we do when drowning, RL15-17, RL29
helping people who are, B19Oct15
helping someone who is, RLWM 10-11, 232
helping someone who is, why, RLWM 11-12
insanity of, DC109
leaders ineffective if they are, RLW 124
longer straw, B08Feb13
man in pool, RLM 31-3, 52
metaphor, B02Nov11
metaphor, application of in real-life situation, RLV 218-19
metaphor for Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLM 31-3, RLM 40, RLM 181, RLP54-6, RLP143, PCSD 277-9, RLV 32-34, RLV 58-9, RLW 92-4
metaphor, rest of, B02Nov11
metaphor to understand victimhood, RLV 183-4
must look for, B28May12
not obvious often, B28May12
often quiet, B28May12
one person better than two, B07Nov11
parents can’t help drowning children, RLP93, RLP143
people are when unloving, RLD69
people dangerous, B19Oct15
people do not have the right to demand that you save them, RLV 255
people need helping hand not kisses, RLW268-9
power of seeing partner as, RLM 137, RLM 181
raising children, DC8
Real Love the way out, RLW110, RLW111-12
responding to, DC216-217, B02Nov11
seeing = less fear, DC39
seeing other people as, DC156-157
selfishness of, DC109
signs of, B28May12
somebody has to get out of water, B04Feb13
spouse is when behaving badly, RLM 137, RLM 287
story, rest of, B02Nov11, B08Feb13
symptom of emptiness and fear, DC39
understanding alone won’t keep you from, RLM 52-53, RLM 86
visualization about, RL15-17
we use Getting and Protecting Behaviors when we are, PCSD 277-9, RLV 32-4, RLW110
when see people as, can choose to accept them, RLW169, RLW260
when see people as, can choose to love them instead of defending ourselves, PCSD 277-9, PCSD 314-16, RLV 32-4, RLW109-10, RLW268-9
without Real Love we are, RLW116
Drowning man, needs hand, not a kiss, EWB181
Drowning man metaphor:
discussed, EWB145-51, EWB185, BWB165-70 , BWB221
examples of using practically, EWB151, EWB173-7, BWB167, BWB172-3, BWB207-8, BWB434, BWB449
explains behavior of others, EWB149, EWB185, EWB439, BWB166-70
helps to eliminate anger, EWB145-9, BWB165, BWB168
power of, EWB149, BWB168
Drowning people:
Bible verses on, BWB171
need helping hand, not a kiss, BWB215
will always affect us, BWB169
Drug use:
as it affects PCSD and treatment, PCSD 295-7
children and, DC333-334-335
danger of, RLP399-400
responding to, DC355-356-357
eliminated by Real Love, RLP136-7
example of parents responding to, RLP136-7
example we set, RLP404
preventing, RLP400
stopping is an emergency, RLP401-4
urine testing for, DC334
why children do, RLP136-7, RLP399
Drunk driver:
responding to, DC158-159-160
Drunk drivers, two, RLV 141-2
Drunk driving, RLWM 92, EWB309, BWB 346
Duet, compared to relationship, RLD4, RL170
Dumbo the elephant, B18Oct11