Master Index - V

1-A    B    C   D    E    F    G    H    I    J-K    L    M    N   O    P-Q    R    S   T    U    V    WXYZ

How to Use the Index

This Master Index covers thousands of topics found in every Real Love book, the 500 Daily Coaching Videos and all the blogs.

Note that all the page numbers for the books refer to the hard copies of the book but not to location numbers in Kindle books.

In this index you can find Real Love answers to all your questions—it's like having your own personal coach 24/7.


How can you use it? Let’s look at a couple of examples:

Example One:
You want to tell the truth about yourself to your spouse. You want to change the direction of your marriage and create genuine, intimate, and lasting connections between you. How do you start? What can you say? Let’s look at the index:

Click on the T above and then go to Truth Telling, and you’ll discover a great many sub-headings, like “about ourselves,” “about your spouse,” “about our mistakes,” and more.

Or click on M and go to Marriage, truth telling in

Example Two:
Your child is being irresponsible, or angry, or whatever. What can you do? Click on the P and go to Parenting, and you’ll discover a great many sub-headings that will get your interest, like “teaching children about choice,” and more.


The following abbreviations are used throughout the Master Index:

DC = Daily Coaching Videos, 1 - 505
B = Blog, for example, B19Sep12 means blog from 19 Sep 2012
RL = The book, Real Love
RLM = The book, Real Love in Marriage
RLP = Real Love in Parenting
RLD = Real Love in Dating
RLWM = Real Love for Wise Men and Women
PCSD = Post Childhood Stress Disorder
RLV= Real Love and Freedom for the Soul (Victimhood)
RLW= Real Love in the Workplace
EWB = Essentials of Real Love Workbook
BWB = Essentials of Real Love Bible Workbook
Note: all the page numbers for the books refer to the hard copies of the book, not to location numbers in Kindle books


Valentine’s Day:
gifts for, DC205-206-207
examples, RLW 207-8
used to create sense of meaning, RLW 206-8
Vasectomy, DC170-171-172
Velveteen Rabbit, B02May14
Veterinarians, difficult job, B15Apr16
Veto Principle, B03Sep09
Vic, B09May07
being vs. acting like, RLV 25-6
definition, RLV 26
true, RLV 25, RLV 26
Victim factor: RLV 141-2
defined, DC193
used to inflame situations, DC192-193-194-195
Victimhood: B09Oct15
accepted as normal in our society, RLV 10
addiction, DC58, B30Jan08
addiction caused or worsened by, RLV 162-5
arrogance in, B06Dec17   
beliefs of, RLV 4
benefits of, RLV 5
benefits of eliminating, RLV 263
caused by a lack of Real Love, RLV 10-26
caused by emptiness, RLV 41-3
children’s anger and rebellion caused by, RLV 162
choice, DC255-256, B31Jan09, B08Oct12, B19Mar14, RLV 25-6, RLV 148-9, RLV 185-6
civil conflicts and, RLV 172-9
common to the point of being accepted as normal, RLV 10
continues because victims are rewarded for it, B31Jan09
confusion perpetuates, B16Oct17
controlling and, RLV 75-8
cost of, RLP221-2
cost of in society, RLV 352
cost of in workplace, RLV 227-31
creates a role for people to occupy in the world, RLV 124-6
crippled by, PCSD 345-52
dangers of, B30Jan08, B09Aug17
definition, RLP47-9, RLV 4-5
described, PCSD 162-6
disease of, RLV 1-2, RLV 3-4
distraction of, B06Oct06B
effects, B11Apr14, RLV 3-4, RLV 181-2
eliminated by Real Love, RLP315-6
eliminating by telling the truth about ourselves, RLV 199-202
eliminating with Real Love, RLV 35-6, RLV 209-39
eliminating with understanding, RLV 181-208
emptiness motivation for, RLV 41-3
emptiness of, DC277
evidence of, B17Aug16
examples, B18Mar07B, B09May07, B30Jan08, B09Aug11, B09Aug17, RLP47-8, PCSD 163-4, RLV 2-3, RLV 6-9, RLV 46-9, RLV 64, RLV 79, RLV 80, RLV 80-RLV 84, RLV 91, RLV 92-3, RLV 97-8, RLV 103-4, RLV 106-7, RLV 118-19, RLV 122-4, RLV 133-5, RLV 135-7, RLV 137-40, RLV 147-8, RLV 152-3, RLV 153-4, RLV 157-8, RLV 159-60, RLV 166-7, RLV 167-8, RLV 187-91, RLV 247, RLV 276-83, RLV 306-8
examples, spoken, RLV 80-4, RLV 297- 306
examples of children speaking like, RLV 305-6
exchanging, RLV 2-3
excuses for, B18Mar07B, RLV 41-63
feeds itself, B24Sep14
foundation for other Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLV 86-94
foundations for, RLV 41-63
Getting and Protecting Behavior, PCSD 162-6
handicapped people and, RLV 169-70
healed by Real Love, DC255-256
hypocrisy of, DC192-193-194-195
impossible, B30Jan08
incidence of, RLV 182
injury at the core of, RLV 102-4, RLV 106-7
international conflicts and, RLV 172, RLV 179
justifies our anger, DC182
justification for revenge, DC182, RLV 70
justifications for, RLV 41-63, RLV 49
Law of Choice, understanding of in eliminating, RLV 182-92
language of, B17Aug16
learned, PCSD 164-5, RLV 78-80, RLV 94-7, RLV 110, RLV 125-6, RLV 149-50
learning, how, RLP49
like jumping up and down on broken glass, B28Dec11
makes happiness impossible, B30Jan08, B28Dec11   
manipulations of, B31Jan09
marriage and, RLV 152-3
myth of, DC200
negative consequences of, RLV 131-50
other Getting and Protecting Behaviors and, RLV 85-100
painful, B28Dec11
parents to children, RLP87-8, RLP210, RLP238-9
patterns of behavior of, RLV 5
power of, RLV 238-9
provokes Protecting Behaviors in others, RLV 185
recovery from, B25Feb15
refusal to heal in, B15Aug14
responding to, DC475-476, B18Mar07B, B09May07, B31Jan09, B09Aug11, B27Oct14, PCSD 361-3
responding to badly, RLP49, RLP220, RLP224-5
responding to productively, RLP222-3, RLP225-8, RLP229-31
rewards of, RLV 5, RLV 101-29
rightness at the core of, RLV 102-4, RLV 106-7
see Getting and Protecting Behaviors self-help encourages, RLV 170-2
selfishness of, RLV 6-10
seriousness of, RLV 3-4
sex as claim for, RLV 152-3, RLV 157-62
stopping, B27Oct14
stupid, RLV 148-9
taught, DC475-476
teaching children about, RLV 191, RLV 266-70
teaching children to respond to in others, RLP231-2
therapy encourages, RLV 170-1
tools of, PCSD 162-3, RLV 5
treatment of, PCSD 345-52
truth about, DC277
understanding, B25Feb15
unproductive, RLV 148-9
vs. victimized, B25Feb15
why children do, RLP219
why parents give in to, RLP220-2
why we use, RLV 101
words of, B17Aug16
workplace and, RLV 166-8
worshiped in the United States, RLV 170-1
Victimized, vs victimhood, B25Feb15
Victims and being victim:
always right, DC183, B30Jan08, B02Mar11, B09Aug17
anger and fear, RL 255
blame, RLWM 203-4
can’t be grateful, DC182, B09Aug11
can’t be satisfied, B09Aug11
choice, RLWM 206, RLWM 213
cost of, RLWM 213
definition, EWB123-5, BWB141
demand love, DC442-443, B09Aug11
demanding, DC183
deny responsibility for their behavior, B09Aug17
description, RL 26, RL 255-6
eliminated by Real Love,
examples, DC182-183, DC227-228-229-230, B31Jan09, B09Aug11, RL 251-2, RL 255-6,
RLWM 203-4
examples of being, EWB 123-5, BWB141
feel entitled, DC499, B09Aug11
fight help, B15Aug14
focus on justice, DC182
helping people to see, RLWM 204-8
hostages to, DC166-167, B09Aug11
irresponsible, RLWM 205
let them go away, B28May14
makes us more empty and afraid and likely to use Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RL 73
manipulations of, DC227-228-229-230, B31Jan09, B09Aug11
never argue with, B28May14
never have better way, just complain, B02Sep08
never responsible, B30Jan08, B09Aug11
never wrong, B09Aug11
reacting to, RL 255-6
real, RLWM 213-14
recognizing, RLWM 209
rewards of, RLWM 209-13
responding to, DC166-167, DC222-223-224, DC227-228-229-230, DC381-382, DC450-451, DC477-478-479, B30Jan08, B31Jan09, B09Aug11, B28May14
root of all Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLWM 209
sneaky, B19Mar14
solution for, RLWM 214
spread their misery, B09Aug17
tale of two, B31Jan09, B09Aug17
teaching children they are not, RLP315-6
telling truth about, RLWM 203-14
true, DC254
use lots of words, B02Mar11
we actually are, EWB 123-5, BWB141
we’re afraid of, B31Jan09, B09Aug11, B28May14
we’re all true, DC254
Victims and acting like victims, RLM 21-2
act hurt all the time, RLV57-9, RLV102-4, RLV106-7
also liars, RLV145, RLW279
angry, RLV144-5
arguing with, RLV244-5
arrogant, RLV34
attacking, RLV 43
beliefs and behaviors of, RLV 43, RLV55-70
benefits of, RLW75-6
blaming of, RLV 63-4, RLV106-7, RLV133
book about, Real Love and Freedom for the Soul, RLW279
can’t be free, RLV146-8
can’t be happy, RLV148-9
can’t be loving, RLV133-5
can’t feel loved when, RLV132-3, EWB125, BWB142
can’t grow, RLV135-7, RLV 137-40
can’t have intimate relationships, RLV133-5
characteristics, RLW272-3
characteristics, cost of, RLV131-50
cost of, RLW78-82
dangerous, RLV43
defined, RLD 38-40
definition, RLW75
demanding, RLV 43, RLV 49-50
different from being victims, EWB123-5, BWB141
effects of, RLD 40
eliminated by Real Love, eliminating irritation toward by understanding them as drowning, RLV 32-4
eliminated by Real Love, RLW80-81, EWB123
eliminating, benefits of, RLW80-82
eliminating, profits from, RLW 80-82
enslavement by, RLV 243-5
entitlement a result of, RLW6
examples, RLD 38-40, RLV64, RLW 75, RLW76-8, RLW266-9, RLW270-71, RLW274-9, EWB123-5, BWB142
fairness, concept of, RLV59-61
false, RLV111-16
feeling imprisoned by, RLV 243-5
guaranteed to be angry, RLV144-5
guilt a tool of, RLV107-9
guilt of, RLV66-7
how we protect ourselves from, RLV 242-3
"I don't like it" not a, B06Oct17
“I don’t love you” the message of, RLW267
inconvenienced, belief that they are by others, RLV55-7
injuries proudly displayed by, RLV102-4, RLV106-7
irrational, RLV34
irresponsible, RLV 63-4, RLV121-4, RLV137-40
Law of Choice and, RLV 67-71
lazy, RLV140
lie, RLV145
make excuses, RLV63-4
manipulate people for support and power, RLV 116-21
manipulate people for sympathy and attention, RLV 109-16
motivations for responding to, RLV 105
negative effects of, RLV 241-2
never respond to with Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLV 246-7, RLV 284-5
of fate, RLV64-6, RLV 127-8
of fate, responding to, RLV 293-4
protecting ourselves from RLV 242-3
raise more victims, RLV149-50
real meaning of what they say and do, RLV6-10
responding productively to customers who are, RLW270-71
responding productively to employees who are, RLW266-9, RLW272-4
responding to, RLV245-311, RLV 276-83
responding to by describing what you’re doing and choices available, RLV 270-1
responding to by giving what is needed and what can be given freely, RLV 254-62, RLV285
responding to by imposing consequences, RLV 271-5
responding to by listening to, RLV251-4, RLV285-6
responding to by staying off the Field of Death, RLV275-6
responding to by teaching them the truth about human behavior, RLV262-70
responding to by telling them the truth about ourselves, RLV247-52, RLV287-8
responding to by telling them the truth about them, RLV103-4, RLV133-5, RLV167-8, RLV196-7, RLV199-202
responding to statements by, RLW274-9
responding to what they say, RLV297-308
rightness of, RLV102-4, RLV106-7
self-inflicted, RLV127-9, RLV294-6
selfish, RLV43, RLV62-3
special, RLV 126-7
spoiled, RLV140
stealing justified by, RLW 6
tactics of, RLW75-8
teaching children how to respond to, RLV306-8
true, RLV25, RLV148
vicarious, RLV119-21
visualization, about feeling loved, RLW13-14
Voltaire, RLW 141
what they say, RLV80-4
why we, RLD 40
worthlessness, feelings of, RLV66-7
Video games:
addiction, B17Aug11
controlling of in children, B17Aug11
metaphor, B17Feb16
View, long, B22Aug16
ancestors, B10Apr17
prayer of, B08Jan16
growing, B28Nov16
remove early, B28Nov16
story, RL39
wisteria, B27Jun16
Vision, correction, B08May17
Visualization, RL6-7, RLW13-14
Vitamin C, RLP7-8
Voice, having, B07May14
in our lives often unaware of, B10Apr17
loud, B20Jun16
many, B10Apr17
old, B12Oct16, B10Apr17
Volcano flows, plant growth in, B24Jan12
emotional, B11Feb13, B20Sep17
turning up, B20Sep17
Voltaire, RLW 141
Votes, worthless in determining truth, B23Jul12
defined, B29Aug16
imitations of, B29Aug16
Vulnerable, necessary, B10Aug15