Master Index - P & Q

1-A    B    C   D    E    F    G    H    I    J-K    L    M    N   O    P-Q    R    S   T    U    V    WXYZ

How to Use the Index

This Master Index covers thousands of topics found in every Real Love book, the 500 Daily Coaching Videos and all the blogs.

Note that all the page numbers for the books refer to the hard copies of the book but not to location numbers in Kindle books.

In this index you can find Real Love answers to all your questions—it's like having your own personal coach 24/7.


How can you use it? Let’s look at a couple of examples:

Example One:
You want to tell the truth about yourself to your spouse. You want to change the direction of your marriage and create genuine, intimate, and lasting connections between you. How do you start? What can you say? Let’s look at the index:

Click on the T above and then go to Truth Telling, and you’ll discover a great many sub-headings, like “about ourselves,” “about your spouse,” “about our mistakes,” and more.

Or click on M and go to Marriage, truth telling in

Example Two:
Your child is being irresponsible, or angry, or whatever. What can you do? Click on the P and go to Parenting, and you’ll discover a great many sub-headings that will get your interest, like “teaching children about choice,” and more.


The following abbreviations are used throughout the Master Index:

DC = Daily Coaching Videos, 1 - 505
B = Blog, for example, B19Sep12 means blog from 19 Sep 2012
RL = The book, Real Love
RLM = The book, Real Love in Marriage
RLP = Real Love in Parenting
RLD = Real Love in Dating
RLWM = Real Love for Wise Men and Women
PCSD = Post Childhood Stress Disorder
RLV= Real Love and Freedom for the Soul (Victimhood)
RLW= Real Love in the Workplace
EWB = Essentials of Real Love Workbook
BWB = Essentials of Real Love Bible Workbook
Note: all the page numbers for the books refer to the hard copies of the book, not to location numbers in Kindle books


Pacifier, temporary solution, B10Aug16
Package, whole, B14Aug15
Paddle boats, B09Oct17
addiction to, B22Aug14
addictions response to, B28Oct15
affects memory, B13Jun11

allowing to pass, B16Jan13
attitude toward a choice, RLV185-7
avoidable, B01Nov17
avoiding unproductive, B13Jul11, B04Apr11, B06Apr11, B04Apr12, B10May12, B01Jun12, B26Nov12, B16Jun14
based on lies, B09Jul14
based on past, B21Feb14
become accustomed to, B21May14
benefit of prolonged, B20Feb17
benefits of, B10May12, B22Aug14
blaming natural result, DC426-427
blessings of, B24Dec07, B06Apr11
blinding, B15Jul16
blinds us, B13Apr11, B10May12
cancer, B04Jun14
caused by lack of Real Love, PCSD 72-3
caused by lies, B09Jul14
causes of, B10May12, B04Jun14, B09Jul14, PCSD 110-11
causes reactions not choices, B11Apr18
causes selfishness, B09Dec11, B19Jan13, PCSD 72-8, RLV 54
choice, B21Sep11, B10May12
decreasing automatic, B16Jun14
deeper surfaces after initial healing, B17Nov17
depends on our perspective, B26May08
diluting, B07Jan14
distorts our perspectives, B21Feb14
distorts our reason, B26Feb14
distorts who we are, B08Jul15
does not define who we are, B09Dec11
easier to tolerate when we know when it will end, DC162
effect(s) of, B10May12, B04Jun14, B23Aug17
eliminating, DC146-147-148
eliminating can be bad, DC146-147-148, B06Apr11
eliminating with Real Love, B07Jan14
enduring, B12Aug16
enduring to achieve real solution, B10Aug16
everywhere in others, B13Sep12
exhausting, B23Aug17
face it, don’t avoid it, B13Jul11, B01Jun12
fear greatest cause of, B05Sep12
feeling instead of medicating, B28Oct15
feel it, B28Oct15
felt differently by giver and receiver, B25Feb12
focus on is unproductive, DC252- 253- 254- 255- 256
focusing on, B29Jun16
goal not to avoid all, B21Oct15
identifying, B04Jun14
increased by victimhood, RLV165
influenced by perception, RLV165
information, B13Jul11, B10May12, B14Jul17
intolerable, B19Jan13
justification for victimhood,  RLV54, RLV70
leading to shame, B05Feb18
learn from, DC118-119, B18Mar07, B24Dec07, B19Feb14
learning opportunity, a, RLV185-7
less is not happiness, B05Oct12
lessons of, B20Feb17
let go of, B12Aug15, B01Nov17
looking for in others, B28May12, B13Sep12
makes it hard to remember principles, B13Apr11
makes us crazy, B21Feb14
makes us teachable, DC115, B24Dec07
minimizing, see avoiding
motivator, B28Oct15
must be willing to endure to find Real Love, B12Aug16
must go through for healing, B04Apr11
must look for, B28May12
necessary for growth, B04Apr11
necessary vs. not, B19Feb14
not minding, B26Nov12
not necessarily to be avoided, RLV185-7
not obvious often, B28May12
not who we are, B09Dec11
often hidden, B28May12
often necessary part of change, EWB 217, EWB227-9, BWB251-2, BWB260-1
origin, B05Jun15
part of growth, B16Dec16
perceived differently by giver and receiver, B25Feb12
price we pay for the Law of Choice, RLV55
principles hard to remember when in, B13Apr11
protecting children from not always wise, RLP262-3
rarely about event in front of us, B04Jun14
reacting to eliminates choice, B02May12
reaction to involuntary and complete, RLV 85-6
reaction to makes us insane, PCSD 74
reflex to, B17Jun15
releasing, B01Nov17
relief, consequences, B01Jun12
relief from blinds us to real problems, B10May12, B14May12, B01Jun12, B05Oct12, B19Jan13, B16Jun14
relief not happiness, B05Oct12, B19Jan13
relief short-term vs long-term, B05Jul17
relief sometimes bad, B05Jul17
response to, DC299-300, B09Dec11, B01Jun12, B19Jan13, PCSD 72-4, PCSD 85-6
response to in children, B23Mar11
responsibility for in others, B13Sep12
rewards of, B22Aug14
role of, DC146-147-148
see Wounds
short and long term, B04Apr11
sources of everywhere, RLV54-5, RLV185
"special", B06Dec17
start over, B12Aug15
subject of any conversation with frustration, DC416-417
teacher, B21Oct15

temporary, B16Jan13
temporary diminishment not helpful, B17Jul18
treating alone avoids treating cause, B10May12, B01Jun12
treating alone leads to spiral of disability, B10Sep12
treating real cause, PCSD 72-4
trumps preferences, B18Sep17
unavoidable, B26Nov12
unavoidable consequence of Law of Choice, RLV 185
unavoidable in relationships, B07Feb11
understanding vs healing, B29Jun16
unnecessary sometimes, B19Feb14
used to, B21May14
useful sometimes, B19Feb14
value of, B10May12
we are not our, B29Jun16
we do anything to decrease, DC4, B01Jun12
worshiping, B29Jun16
Paint, mixing blue and yellow, RLD 96-7
Painting, composed of individual strokes, B20May11
Palestine, and conflict with Israel, RLV179
Pancakes, B15Aug16
Papaya, cure for scurvy, B21Oct16
Parachute, from plane, B20Aug14
accepting children, DC10, DC28
adult children, DC196-197, DC208-209-210, DC439-440-441, DC498-499-500, B23Oct06, B31Oct14
agreement of parents in, DC81-82-83
allowing children choices as they understand consequences, EWB389, EWB439, BWB410, BWB448-9
always about Real Love, BWB448-9
anger makes loving parenting impossible, EWB369, BWB295
answers, B13Dec17
attacking, DC8
bad, examples, B26Aug15
bad behavior children, meaning, DC6, DC8
behaviors that hurt children, B27Jun11
Biblical references to BWB295-6
can’t give what we don’t have, EWB371, BWB396
can’t teach without loving, BWB447-8
cardinal rule of, EWB262, BWB295
children fighting, DC6, DC7, DC8, DC9, DC10
children’s idea of loving, EWB425, BWB439
children’s self-esteem, DC48
choice, giving, B30Mar15
confidence essential, B14Nov14
confidence in, B10Feb12, B14Nov14
consequences and, B23Apr14
consequences, purpose of, EWB269-70, EWB395
consequences in, EWB267-9, EWB377, EWB395, EWB440, B11Apr16
consequences vs. punishments, EWB267, EWB395
consistency, B14Nov14
consistent effort required, B22Jul11, B12Nov12
contracts with children, B28Nov08
control, DC6, B03Aug11
controlling children communicates lack of faith, EWB389, BWB410
controlling children, effects of, EWB439
controlling children eliminates opportunities to learn, RL217-19
controlling children violates Law of Choice, EWB389
controlling vs. permissiveness, RL216
courage required, DC500, B06Feb12, B10Feb12
critically important, B05Feb16
difficult, B30Mar15
difficult when teaching children about life and love, B14Sep11
discipline and, RL215-16
discomfort required, B29Apr15
disobedient children, EWB368-79, BWB393-4
effects of anger, DC7, DC8, DC36, B01Jun11
effects of approval and disapproval, DC7, DC28, DC35
effort required, B22Jul11
enabling children, B15Sep14
enormity of, B30Jan17
everything easier with Real Love, BWB455
evidence that we’re loving children, BWB294-5
evidence that we’re not loving children, BWB295-7
example of Real Love interaction, DC10
examples, B23Mar11
examples of bad, B07Oct16
expectations of children, DC34
faith in children inspires them, EWB423, BWB438
firm, loving, B18Apr11
foundation of, DC81-82-83
good a result of loving and teaching, RL212-13
harm not intended, DC8
homework, EWB440
how we teach our children to fight, EWB371, BWB395
indulging, B26Aug15
Law of Choice and, BWB450
learned, RLP95-6
learning about, EWB265, EWB363
learning how to love, DC141-142-143
listening and, B16Dec11
love first, then everything else, EWB439-40, BWB294,BWB 448
love and teach, DC10, DC84-85-86, DC141-142-143, B18Apr11, B31Oct14
loveandteach, examples, B24Apr17
love unconditionally, helps with peer pressure, DC13
loving and teaching, B02Mar18
loving and teaching the key, BWB294, BWB439
loving children means teaching them to feel loved, loving, responsible, EWB 425, BWB 439
loving children means to care about their genuine happiness, BWB 439
loving one way, DC465
loving without teaching is harmful, BWB 430
mama’s boy, DC21
must get loved first, DC8, DC28
need to increase children’s choices as they understand consequences, BWB410
need to teach children independence, EWB389, BWB410
never speak while angry, DC9
no training required, B17Mar14
not legal contest, B28Nov08
not taught to most of us, RLP95-6
not technique, RLP95
not middle ground between controlling and permissiveness, DC141, B18Apr11
not permissive, B23Oct06, B11Apr11, B18Apr11
one-way flow of love, parent to child, EWB391-3, BWB412-14
overprotecting, B07Oct16
permissive, B02Aug17
permissive harmful, B11Apr11, B27Jun11
permissive not effective, BWB 450
power of, B30Jan17
protecting children often not good, B04Apr12
provide safety with firm love, B18Apr11
punishments in, EWB273
purpose of, DC35, DC36
Real Love in, examples, EWB257-62, BWB290-4
Real Love required, B07Sep12
rescuing children, effects of, EWB423, see Rescuing
rescuing teaches children they are incompetent, EWB423
responsibility to love children, DC36, B23Oct06
responsibility to teach children life, B14Sep11, B09Nov11, B23Apr14
saves lives, B05Feb16
saying no can be loving, EWB395, BWB414
see Anger, “I don’t love you” is the message
spoiling, B15Sep14, B07Oct16
teach by example, DC8
teaching, BWB295-6
teaching by example, BWB302
teaching children about anger, B23Jul14
teaching children about choice, B06Feb12, B23Jul14
teaching children about controlling, B23May11
teaching children about fear, B23Jul14
teaching children about life, B14Sep11
teaching children about sex, DC190-191
teaching children not to be victims, BWB411-12
teaching children Real Love, DC10, DC150-151, B14Sep11,  B23Jul14
teaching children responsibility, DC84-85-86, DC141-142-143, B09Aug11
teaching children with consequences, see Consequences
teaching disobedient children, EWB368-79, BWB393
teaching irresponsible children, EWB368-79, BWB401-2
teaching responsibility, B30Mar15, B07Oct16
telling the truth about our flaws in, EWB371-7, BWB396
test for whether we’re loving our children, BWB294-5
trading with children, B28Nov08, B21Jan11
training for is lousy, EWB377-8
training not required, B17Mar14
training should be required, B07Sep12
truth telling, DC9, B06Feb12
understanding a child’s needs, DC7
understanding fighting among children, EWB369-70, BWB395
use principles, not controlling, DC143
using Real Love, DC9
violating the law of choice with children, EWB389, BWB410
what bad behavior means, DC6, DC8
whining, reason for, EWB391, BWB411-12
without feeling loved, children can’t learn, BWB448-9
wrong to expect love from children, EWB391-3
admitting that they do NOT love their children unconditional is the first step to take, DC141, B23Oct06, B10Mar08
afraid of their children’s disapproval, B11Apr11
arguing, DC55
attached to belief that they love their children, EWB262, EWB373, BWB294
believe they are loving, PCSD 75, PCSD 78-9
blaming of unproductive, PCSD 294, PCSD 308
blaming vs. understanding, DC13, RL11, EWB59
can’t give what they don’t have, EWB371, BWB396
can’t love just because they are, DC161
cause Getting and Protecting Behaviors of their children for life, RL147-8
cause of problems in children, DC319-320, B23Oct06, B17Jan07, 16Nov07, B09Aug11, B09Nov11
cause PCSD, PCSD 20
change rules on children by implementing Real Love, B09Aug11
children loving, DC221-222-223-224
communicate “I don’t love you” with disappointment and anger, EWB262-3, BWB295
comparison of one with the other, PCSD 104
contribute to the whining of their children, EWB391, BWB412-14
controlling, DC6, DC30, B03Aug11, B08Jun12
controlling, why, DC6
cripple children by too much “giving”, DC361-362, B23Oct06, B09Aug11
defending love of, RL12-13
define world for children, DC323, B01Apr11, B03May11, B17Feb12, B02Oct17
deny mistakes, B27Jun11
desire to control children, DC344-345-346-347-348
determine our view of world, RL120, RL147-8
determine way children respond rest of their lives, B01Apr11, B03May11
didn’t get Real Love, RL 11-12, EWB59-61, BWB68-9, BWB396
disagreements between about children, RLP383-5
disappointment at children, effect of, RL147-8
do the best they can, RL11-12, RL33, RLP16
don’t know how to love children, PCSD 84-5, PCSD 108
don’t love children, DC30, B23Oct06
don’t love children unconditionally, EWB55-9, EWB262-7, BWB 64-8
effect on, RL147-8
effects on children, B09Aug11, B17Feb12
entitle children, B17Apr18, B17Jul18
expect love from their children, EWB391-3, BWB412-13
fail to love only because they were not loved themselves, PCSD 108, RLW 17
follow example of their parents, 16Nov07
get Imitation Love from children, RL213-4
getting power from children, DC149-150-151, B08Jun12
giving children too much, B09Aug11
gods to their children, B02Oct17
gratitude for, B08Jan16
hostages of children, B11Apr11, B09Aug11
how to talk to children, B23Oct06
hurt children by being controlling, B27Jun11
hurt children by being offended, B27Jun11
hurt children by being right, B27Jun11
hurt children by not saying no, B23Oct06
hurt children by teaching wrong beliefs, B17Feb12
hurt children unintentionally, PCSD 12-13, PCSD 84-5, PCSD 91-2, PCSD 102-3, PCSD 308, PCSD 348
hurting children for power, DC149-150-151
influence on children, 16Nov07
innately want to love children, PCSD 102-3
loveandteach, B17Apr18, B17Jul18
love children sometimes, PCSD 101-4
love more when children “good”, DC7, EWB55-9,EWB 393, BWB64-8
loving children, see Loving making children responsible for their happiness, RLP30
manipulating children for Imitation Love, DC315-316, RLP70, RLP79-86
manipulate children for praise, RLP79-81
most important job to love children, DC35, DC36
most not loved themselves as children, RLP96-7
must admit mistakes in not loving children, PCSD 101
must be loved first by other adults, EWB371-73, BWB396
must tell truth about themselves, B10Mar08
must be loved first, DC8, DC36
need Real Love before they can give it, RL11-12, RL33, RL214-15
need for children’s love, RLP69
need for contacting other adults to get loved, RLP128-31
no blaming of, DC319-320, EWB371, BWB396
not responsible for happiness of older children, RLP352
not prepared for their responsibilities, RLP22-3, RLP95-6
not technique, EWB375, BWB398
older, care of, B25Nov15
older, giving advice to, DC265-266, B25Nov15
often don’t love unconditionally, DC74, DC75
prepared poorly for the job, EWB377-8, BWB401, BWB455
protecting children sometimes unwise, DC270-271
puzzled by children’s behavior, B27Jun11
require children to love them, EWB391-3, BWB 412-13
responsible for happiness of children, RL215, RL218-19
responsible for unhappiness of children, RL11-14, RL214-16
responsible for loving their children, B23Oct06
responsible for our judgments and Getting and Protecting Behaviors, EWB408, BWB426-7
responsible to love and teach, RLP125
responsibilities, three, RLP25, RLP125, RLP352
responsibility for behavior of children, DC407
responsible for happiness of children early in life, RLP2, RLP15-16, RLP17, RLP21-2, RLP96, RLP99-100, RLP132, RLP351
role in healing wounded children, PCSD 294-5, PCSD 319-24
speaking negatively to children about other parent, DC419-420-421
take responsibility from their children inappropriately, BWB401-2
taking responsibility for children, freedom of, RLP23
taking responsibility for children’s unhappiness simply most effective choice, RLP21-2, RLP3
take responsibility from their children inappropriately, EWB 377-8
teach by example, DC8
teach children combination of Imitation Love that they seek rest of their lives, B28Mar11, B09Aug11
teach children Getting and Protecting Behaviors, B09Aug11
teach children how world is, PCSD 68-72, PCSD 165
teach children life, B23Apr14
teach children their concept of self-esteem, DC93, B23Apr14
teach children to behave badly, B29Sep14
teach children to buy Imitation Love, EWB 277-81, BWB 412-14
teach children view of whole world, B28Mar11, B09Aug11, B23Apr14
teach entitlement to children, B17Apr18, B17Jul18
teaching and loving, RL215-16
tell truth about themselves to adults and children for different reasons, BWB 400
telling truth about not being loving, EWB 265-7, EWB371-7, BWB396-400
test for whether they’re loving, EWB262-3
trade Imitation Love with their children, BWB400
trading with children, B28Nov08
train children like dogs, B29Sep14
train children to behave badly, B03Dec11, B23Apr14, B29Sep14
truth telling to child, B27Jan12
understanding ours important, PCSD 165-6
unfair with children, B09Aug11
use children for Imitation Love, BWB437
using child as pawn, DC55
using children for Imitation Love, DC315-316, B11Apr11
we find marriage partner like our, B28Mar11
what to say to children when wrong, B23Oct06
why they don’t love their children, DC352
Paris, exists without seeing it, DC119
Part, plane, B02Nov15
cannot change, DC59
condition, ask, B07Oct15
criteria for choosing, RLD 103-16, RLD 117-19, RLD 191-5
criteria for choosing is different from criteria for unconditional loving, RLD 23-4, RLD 103-8, RLD 121-3
criteria not to use in choosing, RLD 116-17, RLD 191-2
definition, BWB278
exclusive, our belief in necessity of, BWB388
finding right not as important as preparing to be right, RLD 182
finding, secondary goal, DC497
for men and women in choosing, RLD 116
looking for, selfishness of, RLD 104
most important qualities to look for, RLD 192-5
perfect, defined, RLD 190-2
qualities RLD 1-10, RLD 192
qualities not to look for, B31Oct06, B09Sep11
qualities to look for, DC226, B09Sep11, B07Mar12
quality to look for, BWB437
standards for, B07Mar12
test for finding, RLD 193-4
things in common, DC226
with children, RLD 154
contribute to the whole, B24Jun16
not same but synergistic, B24Jun16
synergistic, not same, B24Jun16
commitment in, B31Mar14
decisions in, B02Jul14
definition, B09Dec15
different roles in, B05Mar14
imperfection in, B31Mar14
in marriage, B03Sep09, B05Mar14
how, B09Dec15
no contention, B09Dec15
unanimity in, B02Jul14
unconditional love in, B09Apr14
Partnership, 5 laws, B01Sep17
affects way we behave in the present, RL15-17, RL120
aware of effect of is useful, RL12, RL14
changing, DC94, B08Dec17
details, not important, B31May17
dwelling on is unproductive, RL12
effect on present, B12Oct16
effects of, B12Dec16, B28Dec16, B07Aug17, B29Jan18, B15May18
feelings about change with understanding, RLP127-32
leaving, B07Jul17
letting go of, DC217, DC354, B02May12
lies of imprison us, B02May12
no, B15Jul15, B01Sep17
Real Love changes, RL120-22
repeating, B26Feb14
stuck in, B21Feb14, B26Feb14
enlarging, B24Mar17
forest and personal, B24Mar17
in woods, metaphor, RLP350-1, RLWM 74-6, PCSD 268-9, RLV 309-10
Patience, problems with concept of, RLP115

changing, B08Aug14
doomed to repeat until we see them, RLD 24-5
old, strong, B29Jul16
Patterson, Floyd, B31Dec12
Patton, George, PCSD 171
Pay with whole lives for whatever reward we get, B14Apr12
age of onset, PCSD 177-8
avoidance in, PCSD 186-7
cause of, PCSD 18-19, PCSD 20, PCSD 177-8, PCSD 222
confused with PTSD, 199-202
contributing factors, PCSD 188-92
definition, PCSD 77-8, PCSD 173-4
diagnosis, PCSD 19
dissociation, PCSD 287-8
emotional upset in, PCSD 185-6
examples, PCSD 78-87, PCSD 199-202, B08Sep17
flashbacks, hallucinations in, PCSD 184-5
hyper-excitement in, PCSD 187
in workplace, PCSD 259-64, PCSD 355-7
not everyone gets, PCSD 194-5
numbing in, PCSD 186-7
perpetuation of with Imitation Love, PCSD 111-12
physical symptoms in, PCSD 185-6, PCSD 187
preset of who we are, PCSD 68
prevention, PCSD 305-6
recovery from, B08Sep17
recurrent dreams in, PCSD 184
recurrent memories in, PCSD 181-4
responding to in those who do want to learn, PCSD 361-3
responding to in those who do not want to learn, PCSD 354-61
responding to in ourselves and others, PCSD 353-63
re-experiencing in, PCSD 181-86
relation to PTSD, PCSD 3-17, PCSD 21, PCSD 212-25
similarities to PTSD, PCSD 180-8, PCSD 188-92
stress in, PCSD 187-8
treatment of, see PCSD Treatment
triggers in, PCSD 185-6, PCSD 187-8, PCSD 355-6
understanding, power of, PCSD 20
PCSD treatment:
effect, PCSD 16-17
examining elements of, PCSD 229-34
goals, PCSD 289-91
healing in, elements of, PCSD 229-34
in children, PCSD 305-6
parental role in, PCSD 294-5, PCSD 319-24
principles of, PCSD 221-306
rationale, PCSD 285-9
Real Love, PCSD 16-17
similarities to PTSD treatment, PCSD 234-5
summary, PCSD 288-9
teaching in, PCSD 270-71
treatment of, examples, PCSD 16-17
two pillars of, PCSD 216-18, PCSD 229-34, PCSD 234-5, PCSD 285-9
we all must know, PCSD 217-18, PCSD 218-20
activities, B22Sep17
beyond understanding, BWB257
choosing, B16May11, B20May11
finding, B07Dec16
from eliminating anger with Real Love, DC3
from God, BWB 63, BWB95, BWB212,BWB 256
from individual preparation, not treaties, B05Nov08, B20May11
from love, BWB63, BWB289
from Real Love, RLW12-14
God’s invitation to, BWB24, BWB63
how, B22Sep17
islands of in world, B24Jan12
world, how, B20May11
Peacock-swan story, RLD 71-2
Peanut allergy, B11Jan12, B14May14
Peanuts, BWB131
Pediatrics, difficulties of, B15Apr16
Peer pressure:
buying approval not Real Love, DC14
cause of, DC14, PCSD 100-101, EWB367, BWB393
finding acceptance, being yourself, rewards of, DC14
learned by children from parents, RLP31
responding to, DC303-304-305
solution for, DC14
accepting, RLW165-71
beautiful, all, B21Sep12
differences in to be valued, not just tolerated, RLW 167-8
different, RLW142-9, RLW166-8
different leadership needs, questions to assess, RLW220-21
do their best, RLW238, RLW313
important to fit to the right jobs, RLW142-9
natural desire to do what’s right, RLW297-8
need each other, B28Nov06, B12May14
“People are our most important asset”, only plaque on wall in most businesses, RLW2
questions to assess differences in, RLW143
some way more difficult than others, B20Jul11
tests to assess differences in, RLW142, RLW166
altered by emptiness and fear, B20Jan12
correction difficult, B08May17
how, B22Feb16
not as we are, B22Feb16
process that requires imperfection, B22Feb16
inefficiency of, B06Nov15
price of, B06Nov15
affected by conflict, RLW5-7
affected by Real Love, RLW 3-4, RLW28
more than measurable numbers, RLW231-2, RLW234-6
questions to evaluate, RLW232-4
standards of, RLW227-9
unproductive responses to substandard, RLW229-30
without Real Love will not endure, RLW231-2
examples, RLP195-6
manipulative, RLP195-6
not effective, RLP66, RLP136, RLP196
response to children’s Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLP194-6
Perpetrator, PCSD 107-8
Perpetrator, victim’s need for, RLV 106-7
growth follows, B22Dec17
required for happiness, B08May18
required in pursuit of anything good, B25May11
rewards of, RLM 174-78
when fail, B06Feb17
Personality, see People
broad, B22Aug16
changes with knowledge, RL15-17
choice, B08Jul16
correction difficult, B08May17
created early in life, B15May15
determined by past experience, PCSD 68-72
determines how we see problems, B30Apr14
effect of, B28Sep16
eternal, B18Jun14
importance of, B02Jan15
larger gives us power, B26May08, B07Mar11, B30Apr14, B18Jun14
learned, B03Feb17
long, B07Mar11
needs to be replaced, B19Feb14
of world changes with trauma, PCSD 31-6
positive, B16Jan15
power of, DC459-460-461-462-463, B07Mar11, B01Apr11, B28Nov11, B19Feb14, B30Apr14, B08Jul16
Peter Principle, RLW223
Petrified Forest, B12Oct15
Pharmacist, death, B24Feb16
Phillipe, Ryan, B31Oct06
Phone calls:
how to make, RLWM 46-7
see Groups, contact with, frequent needed and Real Love, frequent needed
Phone list:
create and keep available, EWB351, BWB382
importance of in finding Real Love, EWB351, BWB381
Photograph of food, compared to Imitation Love, RLD 71
Physical appearance, suggestions about, RLD 151-2
Physical fitness, compared to gaining ability to make loving choices, B22May08
Physical resources, supporting people with, RLW208-9
Physical strength, compared to growth of Real Love, BWB322-3, BWB331-2
can’t learn by being told only the wrong notes, B14Apr14
emotional keys of, B18Nov11
metaphor of, DC311-312, B14Apr14
playing more than learning individual notes, B22Jun11
Picture, big, B22Aug16
Pig, RL50-1
Pig, operating on, B10Dec12
Pin, cost, B02Nov15
Pit, climbing out of, B10Oct16
Pits, digging, B06Oct14
Plan, "I don't like it" not a, B06Oct17
landing, B14Jul17
on fire, B20Aug14
living on new, B03Feb16
new, B03Feb16
old, gravity, B03Feb16
Real Love like moving to, B25Feb15
Planning, questions to ask in, RLW241-2
Planting, right place, B10Jul15
Planting seeds, metaphor, RLD 55, RLD 92-3
pay attention to whole thing, B23Oct17
people like, B23Oct17
space needed for, B11Nov16
Play, the goal, not winning, B23Jan08
Pleasing people:
dangers of, DC388-389-390-391, B30Jan12, B28Dec12
everyone impossible, B29May15
examples, DC388-389-390-391, B30Jan12, PCSD 345-52
exhausting, B29May15
how to stop, DC388-389-390-391, B30Jan12
lie of, B20Aug12
trap of, DC388-389-390-391, B30Jan12, B28Dec12
vs. caring about them, DC388-389-390-391, B30Jan12
danger of, RLP34, RLW 51-2
distracts from feeling of being alone, RLP34
examples, RLP34, RLD 16, RLW51-2, EWB 83, BWB91
form of Imitation Love, PCSD 134, RLV15-16, BWB90-2
From sex, RLM 242
healthy, RLP37, RLW61
Imitation Love, RL21, RLM 11
in Real Love, RL23, EWB83-5
negative effects of, BWB92
parents use to make children happy, RLP34
test whether Imitation or not, EWB85, BWB92-3
Plow, pulling, B26Jul17

insanity of, B16Jan13
see Premenstrual syndrome
Poem, Real Love, B07Nov14, B24Nov14, B28Nov14
anger is, B11Jan13
cure for pain, B11Jan13
failure to apply consequences, B11Apr16
Poke in the eye, B06Jul11
enforcing, DC241-242
making, DC241-242
Pomegranate, word for, B05Mar18
Pool, man drowning in, RLM 31-3, see Drowning
Poop, anger and, B14Oct15
Pooping, where and when, B14Oct15
Porcupine quills, B03Jul15
addiction, DC77, RLWM 267-9
cause, DC77, DC78
treatment, DC77, DC78, DC79
focusing on, B28Apr11
Positive feedback:
examples, RLW 46
characteristics, RLW47-8, RLW217-18
how to give, RLW217-18
Positive thinking vs. true thinking, PCSD 257-8
Postholes, digging, B28Jul12
Pothole, metaphor, DC365
Pots, need more, B14May12
addiction, DC57, DC355, RLW50
being used for as children causes PCSD, PCSD 131-2
benefits of, RLV117, RLW48
benefits of, corrupting influence of using, PCSD 130-31
choice instead of reacting, B24Jan18
connection from, RLP32, RLW48
connection with others shallow, RLWM 27
demanding encourages lying and other Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLP83-4
effect brief, RLD 15
examples, DC54, DC55, DC156-157, RL31-2, RLM 10, RLD 15, EWB 79-81, BWB87-8
examples of, as enjoyed by children, RLP32
examples of how we get, RLW48-50
explanation for “terrible twos,”RLP32-3
forms of, DC39, DC247-248
form of Imitation Love, PCSD 128-33, RLV 15, RLW48-51
from sex, RLM 241-42
getting by controlling children, RLP32
God’s view of people using, BWB 90
healthy, RLP37, RLW 61
Imitation Love, DC30, DC39, RLM 10
in Real Love, DC3, RL23
knowledge can be a form of, BWB 88
natural, B14Aug17, B26Feb18
negative effects of, RLW50-51
obedience a form of, RLP35-6
of love, B30Oct17
offered by Satan to Jesus, BWB86-7
parents manipulate children to get, RLP81-5
parents most common abusers of, RLP32
parents over children, EWB81-3, BWB89-90
parents teach children to use by example, RLP33
real, RLM 45, RLW108
respect and obedience forms of,RLP81-3
seductive form of Imitation Love, BWB86
use of causes PCSD, PCSD 132-3
using by imitation wise man, RLWM 27-8
victims manipulate people for RLV, 116-21
ways we get feeling of, BWB87
why children use, RLP32-3
why we use, RLD 15, PCSD 128-30
loving, B12Jan15
required for Real Love, B30Apr12
Prairie dogs, B23Mar15
acquiring is exhausting, PCSD 123
addiction, DC58, RLD 13-14, PCSD 114-15, PCSD 121-3, B01Jan18
addiction to, RLW 38-9, EWB69-71, BWB78-9
avoiding dangers of, RLW 43-8
blinding, RLW 39-40
buying makes Real Love impossible, EWB 65-7, BWB74-5
can’t make us genuinely happy, PCSD 115, PCSD 123
children don’t need, B09Mar11
children feel pressured to earn, PCSD 119-20
children first learn to earn from parents, RLP28, RLW 35
contribution to PCSD, PCSD 114-28
dangers of, RLP28-31, RLP245-6, RLW36-43
decreases confidence, PCSD 125
decreases creativity, RLW42
decreases learning, PCSD 125
decreases motivation and productivity, PCSD 125, PCSD 126
decreases our motivation and productivity, RLW 40-43
decreases our sense of meaning in our jobs, RLW41
decreases performance, RLW40-43
downside of, PCSD 113-28
earned, RLD 9-10, RLW38, EWB73-5
earning, B01Jan18
earning becomes too much work, PCSD 85-6
earning is lying, RLD 10-11
earning is natural but deadly, BWB82-4
effect, PCSD 12, PCSD 85-6, PCSD 112-28
effect brief, RLD 12-14, EWB 67-71, BWB77, BWB79-80
effects temporary and superficial, RLW36-7
emptiness of, B21Nov06
empty, RLP31
examples, RLWM 22-5
examples of needing or using, EWB63, EWB65-7, EWB105, BWB70, BWB73-5, BWB117
exchanged in falling in love, EWB75, BWB81
expectations separate healthy from unhealthy, RLW43-5
feedback instead of, RLP248-9, RLP344-5, RLP355-6
for adults, PCSD 112-13
for being wise man, RLWM 26
for children, PCSD 112
forms of, RL18-20, RLM 9-10, EWB77-8, BWB85
form of Imitation Love, PCSD 12, PCSD 112-28, RLV 14-15
from sex, RLM 241
good kind, B09Mar11
gratitude a form of, RLWM 25-6
harmful effects of, B29Feb16
has its own reward, BWB74-5
healthy, RLP246, RLP247-9, RLW 61
how to give correctly, RLP247-9,RLP355-6, RLW43-7
how we seek, RLW36
Imitation Love, DC5, B09Mar11, RL18-21
imitation wise man seeks, RLWM 22-5
in Real Love, RL 23
increases anxiety, PCSD 124
increases discouragement, PCSD 126
interfering with ability to be wise man, RLWM 22-5
interferes with creativity and decision making, PCSD 126
interferes with persistence and independence, PCSD 126
keeps us from feeling unconditionally loved, PCSD 124, RLW43
lie of, EWB76-7, BWB83-4
loving and teaching instead, RLP246-7, RLP344-5, RLP355-6
makes us blind to needs of others, PCSD 124-5
manipulation of children with,RLP28-30, RLP245-6
need for strong, RLD 12-15
negative characteristics of, RLW36-43
negative effects, B01Jan18
never produces real happiness, RLW37-8
not about us, RLD 14-15
not always Imitation Love, BWB117
not fulfilling, BWB76-7
not necessary when children already loved, RLP345
not needed by children, EWB363-7, BWB390
not really about you, BWB79-80
parents manipulate children for,RLP79-81
patterns of our use of, PCSD 127-8
pay for, EWB 69, BWB76-7
positive effects temporary and superficial, PCSD 114-15
pressure of earning, RLP30
real meaning of, RLP249, RLWM 26
responding to, RLWM 26
seductive, B01Jan18
see Positive feedback
sex form of, RLD 15
test for using as Imitation Love, EWB105, BWB117
trap of, EWB363
traditional, characteristics of, RLW45-6
traditional, examples, RLW 45
trained from childhood to earn, BWB81-2
trap of, BWB390
used as form of Imitation Love, PCSD 119, PCSD 120-21
used to manipulate children, PCSD 116-18
usually selfish, EWB73-5, BWB79-80
we don’t need, B09Mar11
when healthy, RLW39
why we manipulate with, RLP245-6
why we use when it doesn’t work, RLD 9, EWB76, BWB 82
for changes in us vs others, B09Nov16
for magic, B09Nov16
for miracles, B09Nov16
not as attractive as we think, B28Mar14
perspective of changed by trauma, PCSD 33-4
can’t force partner to change, B30Mar16
vs discomfort, B18Sep17
vs pain, B18Sep17
Premenstrual syndrome, RLM 166-67, RLD 126
see PMS
avoids crises, B18May11
each step for next, B08Nov17
eliminates problems, B16Sep09, B18May11
for happiness, B27Nov15
for qualities we’ll need later, B23Dec15
for unknown, B07Jun17
importance of, DC179-180-181, B29Apr07, B05Nov08, B10Dec08, B16Sep09, B25Aug14, B27Nov15, B23Dec15
little steps, B03Jan18
many steps, B03Jan18
many tools involved, B08Feb11, PCSD 106-7
often unrelated to end goal, B03Jan18
power of, B30Sep16
required, B08Nov17
enjoy while planning for future, B20May16
living in, B13May16
Pretending, B10May17
need to be, B22Oct12
Prevention versus treatment, BWB307
Price, vs. benefit, B09Mar15
Primum non nocere, B18Sep17
lost, B24Jan07
mud, B04Dec06
see Understanding, good but feeling loved better understanding leads to changed feelings and behavior, RLWM 7-9, RLWM 64-5
Principles of Happiness, PCSD 276-85
examples, B22Nov17
in decisions, B27Apr12, B17Jul12
lists, B22Nov17
love highest, above “things”, B01Feb12, B07Apr12, B17Jul12
Prisoner, why angry, DC138-139-140
Prisoners to anger, when believe others cause it, RLM 45-6
and Real Love, B13Feb09
friend in, RLWM 95-6
kills hope, B02Nov16
people alone in, B08May09
role of, RLWM 93
conditions, B09Feb18
limited for children, B09Feb18
often violated, B09Feb18
rules for, B09Feb18
not separable from responsibility, B23Apr14
Proactive loving, B04Sep17
addressing early, B03Jul12
caused by fear, B08Jun11
choice, B16Sep09
easier when not rushed, B03Mar14
easier with Real Love, B03Mar14
fear cause of, B08Jun11
help us grow, B15Jul11
not personal, B07May11, B05Dec11
opportunities to learn and grow, B05Dec11, B30Apr14
rare that they’re complicated, B07May07
repeating over and over not helpful, B28Jul14
response to, B30Apr14
simply happen, B05Dec11
solving can’t be quick fix, but requires foundation, B10Dec08
turning into assets, B28Feb11, B15Jul11
usually simple, B16Nov16
wallowing in is not helpful, B28Jul14
not just one, B15Jun11
Real Love, B21Sep09
Real Love not, B07Mar16
determined by satisfaction of human needs, RLW3-4
see Performance
decreased by Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLW88
improved by Real Love, RLW3-4, RLW28
flow from filling needs of people, RLW 3-4, RLW31, RLW286
not primary focus of successful businesses, RLW 2-3
Progress, measuring, B04Mar16
Prolonged Exposure Therapy (PET), PCSD 273
Prom party, B21Dec16
avoid expectations even with, RL55, RL 181-2
breaking, right to, RL 229-31
broken, what to do then, RL 56, RL 57-8, RL 181-3
clear better, RL 56
exception to Law of Expectations, RL 54-5, RLW106
exchanging, contract, RL 222
less important than love, RL 58, RL 62, RL 181-3
breaking, DC198-199
changing, RLWM 56-7
don’t always justify expectations, BWB352
don’t make involving behavior of others, DC231-232-233
exception to Law of Choice, RLWM 55, RLV 198-9
exception to Law of Expectations, EWB315, BWB351-3
in marriage, RLM 210-12
making impossible, DC231-232-233
responding to broken, EWB317, BWB352-3
some expectations still wrong with, RLWM 56
not highest goal, B29Apr08
of love, B24Oct14
of worth, B24Oct14
Proofreading, B26Mar14
Prophecy, B22Jul11
Protecting, more causes less safety, B16Mar18
Protecting ourselves:
alternative to, EWB433, BWB371-2, BWB443-4
automatic, B13Aug14
dangers of, DC122-123, DC145, DC186-187, DC411-412-413, B30Nov12, B19Dec13
doesn’t work, EWB121, EWB427-33, BWB139-40, BWB442-4
examples, EWB191, EWB427, BWB441-2
foolishness of, DC104-105-106-107-108, B30Nov12
“I don’t love you” the message of, DC411-412-413
irony of, DC104-105-106-107-108
natural response to fear, RLV 53
never makes us happy, DC165, B19Dec13
only makes things worse, RLW259
problem with, EWB427, BWB442
selfish, BWB442
trap of, EWB429-31, BWB 441-4
understandable, DC104-105-106-107-108
unloving, DC165
ways we do, EWB427, BWB 441-2
what to do instead, EWB433, BWB443-5
Proust, Marcel, RLWM 154, BWB93
Prusik knot, B27Dec17
acute stress disorder and, PCSD 48-9
association in, PCSD 37
attitude of others changed toward those with, PCSD 65-6
avoidance in, PCSD 54-6
beliefs change in, PCSD 61-2
complex, see Complex PTSD
coexisting diagnoses in, PCSD 67
cognitive restructuring and, PCSD 254-8
compartmentalization in, 2 PCSD 3-5, PCSD 31-6
confused with PCSD, PCSD 199-202
consciousness altered by, PCSD 65
contributing factors and, PCSD 41-9, PCSD 188-92
contributing factors and Real Love, PCSD 188-92
depression in, PCSD 60
dissociation in, PCSD 31-6, PCSD 287-8
dreams, recurrent in, PCSD 53
duration, PCSD 49
effects of, PCSD 35-6, PCSD 39-67
emotional control lost in, PCSD 64-5
emotional upset in, PCSD 53-4, PCSD 64-5
epigenetics and, PCSD 47-8
examples, PCSD 1-2, PCSD 31-6
flashbacks in, PCSD 53
genetics in, PCSD 46-8
goals, PCSD 289-90
grief in, PCSD 66
hallucinations in, PCSD 53
history of, PCSD 39
hyper-excitement and, PCSD 57-9
incidence of, PCSD 39
integration in, PCSD 22-4, PCSD 31-6, PCSD 37-8
losses associated with, PCSD 35
memory in, PCSD 25-30
memories, recurrent in, PCSD 50-54
morphine lessens incidence of, PCSD 110-11
nature of, PCSD 21-38
not everyone gets, PCSD 194-5
numbness and, PCSD 56-7
origin of, PCSD 1-2
pain cause of, PCSD 110-11
perspective of world changes with, PCSD 31-6, PCSD 61-5
physical symptoms of, PCSD 53-4, PCSD 59-60
reclassification of, PCSD 210-15
recreating original trauma in, PCSD 61
re-experiencing and, PCSD 49-54
response to lifetime of pain, PCSD 37
response to pain, PCSD 22, PCSD 37
reset of our personality, PCSD 1-2, PCSD 37-8, PCSD 57-9
risk taking in, PCSD 61
self-perception changes with, PCSD 62-3
similarities to PCSD, see PCSD
similarities to PTSD survivor guilt in, PCSD 66
symptoms of, PCSD 39-67
trauma and, PCSD 41-49
trauma required to cause can be very brief, B05Apr19
treatment of, see PTSD Treatment
triggers in, PCSD 37, 5 PCSD 0-52, PCSD 53-4
understanding leads to acceptance, PCSD 1-3
understanding leads to understanding of PCSD, PCSD 21
PTSD Treatment:
failure, PCSD 336-41
general discussion, PCSD 110-11
imaginal therapy, PCSD 273
prolonged Exposure Therapy (PET), PCSD 273
see Cognitive behavioral therapy situational exposure therapy, PCSD 273
with Real Love, PCSD 215, PCSD 272-6, PCSD 336-41
with truth telling, PCSD 254-8
Punctuality, RLD 153, RLV 193-6, RLV 207
Punctuality, teaching, RLP369-73
causes Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLWM 93
characteristics, RLV 143, RLW304
victims want them for others, RLV 140-42
vs. consequences, RLWM 93, RLV 142-4
Punji sticks, B15Jul15
Puppies, Rottweiler, RLP2
Purity, perspective of changed by trauma, PCSD 34
Purpose, necessary with action, B30Nov16
Putting self down, see Self-criticism
piece unique, B19Jan15
we are pieces of, B19Jan15
PVC caps, B31Jul18
PVC plugs, B31Jul18
Pyrite, RLD 95-6

Quarreling, see Conflict
real, B09May16
what is loving?, B09May16
which to ask first, B09May16
answer content, RLM 158-59
asking to avoid criticism, RLP346
asking to get out of work, RLP345-6
can be evidence of love, RLM 157-58
confusion in hearing, B10Jul18
examples, B20Jul16
for information vs. accusation, RLP160, RLP244
interrogation, B04Nov15
just answer, even when asked in anger, RLM 158-59
multiple choice, B28Jan15
often dishonest, B20Oct17
often not, B04Nov15
reasons for, B20Oct17
right, B20Jul16
right to ask, DC107
to ask in relationships, B17Apr15
used to prevent conflict, RLM 157-59, RLM 233-34
why, B20Oct17
Quibbling, RLM 134
be when angry, RL236-8, RLP91
be when listening, RLP155
enables us to listen and be listened to, B07Jul14
Quiet, Be:
first step to eliminating anger, EWB344-7
loving nature of, EWB345-7
part of genuine listening, EWB329
versus running, EWB347
ways to, EWB345-7
Quit, everything unhealthy, B05Jun18


Quarreling, see Conflict
real, B09May16
what is loving?, B09May16
which to ask first, B09May16
answer content, RLM 158-59
asking to avoid criticism, RLP346
asking to get out of work, RLP345-6
can be evidence of love, RLM 157-58
confusion in hearing, B10Jul18
examples, B20Jul16
for information vs. accusation, RLP160, RLP244
interrogation, B04Nov15
just answer, even when asked in anger, RLM 158-59
multiple choice, B28Jan15
often dishonest, B20Oct17
often not, B04Nov15
reasons for, B20Oct17
right, B20Jul16
right to ask, DC107
to ask in relationships, B17Apr15
used to prevent conflict, RLM 157-59, RLM 233-34
why, B20Oct17
Quibbling, RLM 134
be when angry, RL236-8, RLP91
be when listening, RLP155
enables us to listen and be listened to, B07Jul14
Quiet, Be:
first step to eliminating anger, EWB344-7
loving nature of, EWB345-7
part of genuine listening, EWB329
versus running, EWB347
ways to, EWB345-7
Quit, everything unhealthy, B05Jun18