Pain is the Fruit of Lies

By Greg Baer M.D.

July 9, 2014

Love is real.

Pain is real too, but it is FOUNDED on a belief in LIES.

If we understood only what I just wrote, we’d be happy all the time, because we’d realize that pain exists only in a world of illusion. We can do something about illusions. We can find the truth and replace the lies.

Consider some emotional pain you’ve experienced, for example:

  • You are angry that someone close to you has betrayed you.
  • You feel sad, alone, and certain that you’ll always be that way.
  • You feel like nothing you do ever works out.
  • You feel distant and uncomfortable around people.

Let’s consider how one of these pains is rooted in lies, as well as what we can do about the lies and the pain. You can then generalize this approach to all pain.

Pain: You are angry that someone has “hurt you.”

WHY are you in pain? You believe it’s because of the other person. After all, if they hadn’t done what they did—or failed to do what they promised—you would not be in pain. It’s obvious, then, that they are the cause of the pain.

WRONG. So, what are the lies? And what is the truth, and what difference does it make to know the truth?

The Lies and their Truth

Belief (LIE): In great part you are in pain because you believe that the other person attacked YOU, or in some way injured YOU.

Truth: Other people are constantly responding to their own pain, and in the process of thrashing about, sometimes they affect us—our partner has an affair, someone says an unkind word, a child is ungrateful and snotty. The other person didn’t do anything TO you. You just happened to be the object of their reaction to pain. When you realize the truth—really believe it—you CANNOT remain hurt by or angry at someone who is in pain. Your pain and anger are replaced, in fact, by compassion.

Belief (LIE): You believe that the other person has in some way TAKEN love and happiness from you.

Truth: You were already empty and in pain. You expected that person to be respectful or kind or supportive or whatever. When they failed to do that, you were sorely disappointed, which translates to more pain. But they did NOT CAUSE your pain. Your pain was already there, and your expectations made everything worse. When you recognize the truth, you won’t expect love from someone who has none. You’ll find the love you need elsewhere.

Belief (LIE): You believe that your wounds and pain are overwhelming, unbearable, intolerable.

Truth: You have forgotten that there is an infinite supply of Real Love, and you can find it whenever you want. You have attached your happiness to the love of someone who has none to give, and THAT is the cause of your disappointment and pain. Again, now you’ll find love where it exists, confident that the supply is inexhaustible.

Perhaps the greatest source of unhappiness in the world is when we are in pain, we treat the PAIN. We drink, gamble, shop, have sex, lie, manipulate people, get angry, and much more. Regrettably, all these activities DO temporarily diminish our pain, but the real CAUSE of the pain remains unaddressed.

We MUST address the lies that underlie and support our pain, and only then can our pain truly disappear. Love and truth eliminate lies, while everything else is a delusion.

Real Love and Freedom for the Soul

Replace your pain & confusion with peace and happiness.


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About the author 

Greg Baer, M.D.

I am the founder of The Real Love® Company, Inc, a non-profit organization. Following the sale of my successful ophthalmology practice I have dedicated the past 25 years to teaching people a remarkable process that replaces all of life's "crazy" with peace, confidence and meaning in various aspects of their personal lives, including parenting, marriages, the workplace and more.

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