What is Real Love?
You already know that you want to have a life filled with love—receiving it, giving it, surrounded by it. But you also know that the “love” you’ve found so far isn’t quite as satisfying as you’d like. It doesn’t fill you up, make you whole, or give you genuine happiness that is lasting.
What you did NOT know is that people are confused about what love truly is, and that what you want is unconditional love or Real Love. You want to find it, fill up with it, and give it to others.
So, how can you find Real Love?
What is Real Love?
What IS Real Love? Almost no one asks that question. Instead, they ask, "What is love?" Nearly every day, most people ask some form of this question, and it tends to fry their brains. Why? Because it's the wrong question. The word "love" is an impossible mess. Ask 100 people for a definition of "love," and you get 100 different answers, most of them confusing.
The REAL question is, "What is Unconditional Love?" That is so different from what most people have ever known that we're going to call it Real Love. Real Love is unconditional love.
THAT is the kind of "love" we all want. In Real Love there is no disappointment, impatience, irritation, or anger. Wow, now that is different—so different that most people have never truly felt it.
Now you know the answer to the real question: What is Real Love?
Real Love is caring about the happiness of another person without wanting anything in return.
What is Conditional Love?
Somehow we recognize that anything other than Real Love isn't really love at all. We recognize that it's an imitation of the real thing.
Suddenly we understand all the pain we've experienced in relationships. There's only one kind of love that can fill us up, and heal our pain, and make us whole.
Unconditional love—Real Love—gives us the happiness we all want.
With Real Love, nothing else matters; without it, nothing else is enough.
What Is Real Happiness?
It’s also Real Love when other people care about our happiness unconditionally. With Real Love, people are not disappointed or angry when we make our foolish mistakes. They don't sigh and roll their eyes when we don’t do what they want or even when we inconvenience them. Real Love is unconditional.
When I use the word happiness, I do not mean the brief and superficial pleasure that comes from money, sex, or power.
Nor is it the conditional approval we earn from others when we behave as they want.
Neither is it the temporary feeling of satisfaction we experience in the absence of immediate conflict or disaster.
Real happiness is not the feeling we get from being entertained or making people do what we want.
Real happiness is a profound and lasting sense of peace and fulfillment that deeply satisfies and enlarges the soul. It doesn’t go away when circumstances are difficult. It survives and even grows during hardship and struggle.
True happiness is our entire reason to live, and it can only be obtained as we find Real Love and share it with others.
Find Unconditional Love
Learn the difference between Imitation Love, or conditional love, and Real Love, or unconditional love.
Learn how to eliminate conflicts in your relationships with spouses, children, parents, friends, and colleagues.
Break the Cycle
Break the cycle of expectations and disappointment and eradicate feelings of anger, resentment, and fear.
End Destructive Behaviors
Learn how to put an end to destructive "Getting and Protecting" Behaviors.
What readers and listeners say:
This is a most remarkable book . The world would be a better place if people understood what's in this book. Your world will be a better, much sweeter world, if you read this book. My husband has turned in to the sweetest man overnight.
I've read a lot of books. I've had a lot of therapy. I picked up this book and within two or three pages I'd highlighted several passages. Dr. Baer has a way of tapping into a soft place in my heart and cultivating love and compassion. I've already bought copies for a couple of family members, it's that good. I'm writing this before finishing the book because it's affected me in such a profound way already. Reading it so far has been like being enveloped in a big hug.
Outstanding. Life changing. I’ve given copies to everyone I care about and love. So grateful to better understand getting and protecting behaviors.
I liked the background to why relationships are so difficult. The concept of unconditional love vs. conditional love is very clear...we all have partially empty buckets until we learn to focus on the unconditional love, according to Baer, the author. Once you begin to remember the unconditional love sources, then you can give love to those who are still trying to survive on conditional love or Imitation love sources such as food, drugs, affairs, alcohol, fame...and other such temporary fixes.
This should be studied in high school and college as a required class.
Loved the book. It helped my relationships
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