In a movie I was watching, one of the characters said, “Sometimes when I look at my wife’s head, I want to crack it open, unspool her brain, and find the answers to the primal questions of any relationship: What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What have we done to each other?”
Although this is clever writing, these questions are most unwieldy and unproductive. We can’t ask them cleanly, we can’t answer them effectively, and they tend only to confuse us.
So what are the real questions, the questions that matter, the questions that lead to meaningful relationships? They’re simple:
What are my partner’s wounds?
What are my partner’s fears?
What does my partner need?
How can I love my partner in ways that will fill her needs and calm her fears?
Without an understanding of unconditional love, these questions will forever be mysterious, not to mention the answers. As we find Real Love and learn to share it, however, these questions guide us to a fulfillment in relationship that previously we could not have imagined. Of this I have personal experience.
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