On many occasions, I have watched couples argue over the details of an event: what happened, who did what, who should have done what, who was to blame, who made a mistake, and more.
Occasionally, I ask, "What matters to you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Is this thing you're talking about"—the event, the task, the blaming—so important that you're willing to ruin your relationship and be unhappy for the rest of your life? Is it really? Or would you rather be genuinely happy and work on this together?"
Nothing matters as much as love. It doesn't matter who left the ice cream out of the fridge, or whose fault it is that the kids are behaving badly, or who started the argument, or anything else. The only meaningful goal is to tell the truth about our own mistakes, feel loved, be as loving as we can, and be happy. It's all that matters.
Don't know where to start?
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