Master Index - B

1-A    B    C   D    E    F    G    H    I    J-K    L    M    N   O    P-Q    R    S   T    U    V    WXYZ

How to Use the Index

This Master Index covers thousands of topics found in every Real Love book, the 500 Daily Coaching Videos and all the blogs.

Note that all the page numbers for the books refer to the hard copies of the book but not to location numbers in Kindle books.

In this index you can find Real Love answers to all your questions—it's like having your own personal coach 24/7.


How can you use it? Let’s look at a couple of examples:

Example One:
You want to tell the truth about yourself to your spouse. You want to change the direction of your marriage and create genuine, intimate, and lasting connections between you. How do you start? What can you say? Let’s look at the index:

Click on the T above and then go to Truth Telling, and you’ll discover a great many sub-headings, like “about ourselves,” “about your spouse,” “about our mistakes,” and more.

Or click on M and go to Marriage, truth telling in

Example Two:
Your child is being irresponsible, or angry, or whatever. What can you do? Click on the P and go to Parenting, and you’ll discover a great many sub-headings that will get your interest, like “teaching children about choice,” and more.


The following abbreviations are used throughout the Master Index:

DC = Daily Coaching Videos, 1 - 505
B = Blog, for example, B19Sep12 means blog from 19 Sep 2012
RL = The book, Real Love
RLM = The book, Real Love in Marriage
RLP = Real Love in Parenting
RLD = Real Love in Dating
RLWM = Real Love for Wise Men and Women
PCSD = Post Childhood Stress Disorder
RLV= Real Love and Freedom for the Soul (Victimhood)
RLW= Real Love in the Workplace
EWB = Essentials of Real Love Workbook
BWB = Essentials of Real Love Bible Workbook
Note: all the page numbers for the books refer to the hard copies of the book, not to location numbers in Kindle books


Babbling, B13Apr15
Baby First Steps, B17Jul15
Baby metaphor, raising children, DC6
Baby races, B19Sep16
Babysitter, leaving children at home alone without, RLP376
Back surgery, B11Sep12
Backboard, plexiglass, B28Apr17
Backspace, mistakes, B24May12
feeling, just information, B29Mar17
feeling, learning from, B29Mar17
feeling, unproductive, B29Mar17
people, no such thing, B13Feb17
“Bad” behavior:
condoning, DC439-440-441
communication of pain, B21May08, B21Jul14
definition, B21Jul14
doesn’t make US bad, B21Jul14
drowning, RLD47-9
eliminated with love, B21Jul14
evidence of drowning, RLP54-6, RLW92-3
Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLP38, RLW89
form of irrelevant, DC253
of others often provoked by us, B23Dec11
reaction to feeling alone and lack of Real Love, RLP1-2, RLP9, RLP27, RLP38
response to lifetime of influences, not to event in the moment, RLD204
responding to, DC317-318
response to emptiness and fear, B23Oct06, B17Jan07, B23Dec11
response to a need, DC7
symptoms of lack of Real Love, DC6, DC8
Bad breath, B11Jul12
Bad day, no such thing, B30Sep16
Bad times, plan for, B01May18
Baer, Greg, story of: RL xi-xiii, PCSD 220-21, EWB21-3, BWB35-6
experience as parent, RLP24-5, RLP121-2
experience with drugs, near suicide, RLP121-2
Baer Personality Inventory, RLW 166
Bag, drop, B24Apr15
attracts specific prey, B25Jul16
become good, B25Jul16
Baked Alaska, B18Jan13
Balance, not good goal, B24Aug15
Balsamic vinegar, B02Jan14
Bamboo, growing, B27Jun14
Barges, river, B30Jan17
Barking dogs metaphor, EWB171, EWB176, BWB 203, BWB209
Baseball cap metaphor, EWB192, BWB227-8
Basement leaking story, EWB 143, BWB164
Basement story, DC1
Basketball, playing with feet, B15Jun16
Basketball player, DC115-116-117-118-119
Battle, like life, B02Jan17
BBC documentary, B11Sep17
Beans up your nose, DC16
building, B03Aug16
giving up, B03Aug16
Beauty, physical:
influenced by Real Love, RLM254
need for, B22Oct12
physical used to get praise and Imitation Love, RL19
See Pretty
trap of, PCSD 324-31
Bed, making, B30Jun17
Bed wetting, RLP376-7
Bedtime, RLP363-7
bad, B21Jul14
bad only result of lack of Real Love, EWB177, EWB251, EWB407, BWB210, BWB 284, BWB426, BWB449
changes only with a change in judgment, EWB161-7, EWB417-18, BWB193-200, BWB433-4
changes with real learning, B04Apr18
changing alone is difficult, EWB163, BWB194-6
evidence of goodness, not words, BWB40
evidence of truth more than words, DC415, B30May12
exaggerated when compared to initiating event, PCSD 89-91
leads to greater faith, BWB 272
motivation for more important, B06Jan16
ours, based on lies, B20Aug12
proof of learning, B04Apr18
proof of understanding, B04Apr18
response to lifetime of unloving experiences, PCSD 85-6
see Choices
tells the truth, not words, BWB32, BWB40
the real test for Real Love, EWB31-8, BWB43-8
the truth, not words, EWB31-8
Behavior of others related to how we behave, DC225
Behaviors, in, B21Mar16, B28Mar16
changing, B15May15
changing difficult, B08May17
changing with cognitive restructuring, PCSD 254-8
changing with loving and teaching, PCSD 285-6
created early in life, B15May15
definition, B01Aug12
determined by past experiences, PCSD 68-72
old, chains, B17Feb12
vs. trust, B01Aug12
Benjamin, RLP98, RLP127, RLP138-40, RLP274, RLP300-2, RLP316, RLP346, RLP348-9, RLP389-90
Benjamin, finger injured, DC447
all doing our, B07Nov12, B10Dec12, B03May17, B30Mar18
assessing, B01Mar17
doing, B01Mar17
doing, are we?, B20Feb12, B01Mar17
doing, we are, B30Mar18
foot, DC29
guilty for doing, B30Jan14
our, good enough, B10Dec12, B30Jan14
people doing or not doing, RL72, RL77, EWB233-5
Best, people do their, BWB266-8
Best foot forward, RLM 17-18, EWB73-7, BWB81, BWB83-4
results unproductive, RLD34
see Lying
some degree all right, RLD72-3
taught to, RLD10-11
why we put, RLD29
inviting, B02Oct17
pattern, B02Oct17
Bettelheim, Bruno, RLW286
how to be, B31Jan18
hurtful use of, B31Jan18
cultural translation difficulties in, BWB7-8
translations of in Workbook, BWB7-13
use of in Workbook, BWB7-13
Bible verses, see Bible Verses list on page BWB 479-80
Bicycle, EWB227, BWB260
learning to ride, B18May15
riding, B02Feb18
Big deal, no  B21Aug17
Bilge pumps, B26Dec16
Billionaire, B22Aug11
Birth order, PCSD 174-7
Bison, B08Apr11
captivity of, RLP78-9
cause of, B14Sep16
choice, B15Jan18
danger of, B01Jun11, B01Sep14
destructive, RLM 62
direct reports is ineffective, RLW120-24
doesn’t work, RLWM 108-10, RLWM 151
don’t take on yourself, DC400
eliminated when we see real cause, EWB99, BWB107-9
eliminated when we understand real cause of unhappiness, RL13-14
eliminating makes change possible, RL124-8
examples, RLWM 108-9, PCSD 258-9, RLW5-6, EWB121, BWB61, BWB344
foolish, DC4, DC13, RL2-4, RLP16, RLP19, RLP21-2, RLP73, RLP73-8, RLW5-7, EWB99, BWB108
God’s view of, BWB107
harmful, RLWM 90
in marriage, DC13
in relationships, EWB97-9, BWB106-7
justifications for, RLWM 108-9
justifying, RL2-3
lie inherent in, EWB324-5
lie of, RLW7-9, RLW67
makes happiness impossible, BWB 248-9
makes it impossible to change, RL81
makes us prisoners, PCSD 258-9, RLV 146
natural, BWB274
parents, wrong, RLP15-16
see Anger
understandable, RLP73
unproductive, DC252-253-254-255-256, B01Jun11, RL75-8, RL97-9, PCSD 308, RLW5-7, RLW120-24, RLW130-34
vs. understanding, RL11
why we do, DC426-427
Blanchard, Margie, RLW1-2
Bleeding and blind, B12Jan11, PCSD 217
blind to, B20Dec13
caused by anger and blaming, B10Sep12
caused by drinking, B10Sep12
caused by emptiness and fear, B23Jul12, B10Sep12, RLP142, RLP145, RLWM 6-7, RLW 39-40, RLW57-8
caused by no Real Love, RLP145
caused by past experience, B26Mar14
causes fear, B02Feb11, B23Jul12
dangerous, B26Jan11, B10Sep12
eliminated by Real Love, B23Jul12, RLP144-5, RLWM 18, RLW165
feedback helpful, B24Dec14
must disregard people who are, B21Mar12, B23Jul12
need help to see, B11Feb13
opinions worthless of people who are, B21Mar12, B23Jul12
reacting to, B04Dec15
see what people can do for us and to us, RLP145
spiral of, B10Sep12
when needy and afraid, RL140
Blocks, stacking, B18Jul16
Blood, compared to Real Love, B30Jan14
cherry, B15Mar17
perfect, B15Mar17
minimum physical requirements, RLWM 257, RLWM 259
require nourishment, just like we need Real Love, RLWM 259
Bomb, cut wire to, B05Sep14
Bombs, out of, B12Feb16
Book, Real Love:
using to help truth-telling, RL92-3
definition, B14Sep15
eliminated by Real Love, B14Sep15
Born again:
result of Real Love, B20Aug12
result of understanding true source of feelings and behavior, B20Aug12
Boss, angry, DC24
critical, victimhood in, RLV 167-8
rolling, B16Sep16
stop early, B16Sep16
Boundaries: RLWM 250-1
cause more fear, B02Jul24
not helpful, B02Jul24
used to protect ourselves, B30Jan08
jealous, DC33-34
won’t commit, DC59-60
Boy Scout troop, EWB367, BWB392
Brad, B19Jun07
chemistry, PCSD 46-7
wiring changeable, PCSD 38
Brain tumor, RL111-12
Bread, RL117-18
Brer Rabbit, RLV 244-5
Bridge, crossing, B27Feb15
Bridge over creek, RLM 78-9
Brief, exceeding, B10Jul18
Bubba, B18Apr14
faith, without, like holes in bucket, RLWM 156-7
filled with water or love, RL165-7, RLM 84-5, RLP148
getting loved like filling, RLWM 8
loving like pouring water out of, RLWM 8
miracle of, RLWM 8
Bucket of water, filling compared with our filling with Real Love, RLW171
Buckingham, Marcus, RLW28, RLW142
Buggy, mud in, DC447
Bull, don’t milk, DC162, EWB279-81, BWB315-6
Bullies, children responding to adult, DC453-454-455-456
Bullseye, B12Dec11
can cause complex PTSD, PCSD 206-10
consequences of, RLW73-4
examples, see Kyle
frequency, other characteristics, RLW73
gives people feeling of power, RLW 49
how it happens, PCSD 208-10
parents often guilty of, PCSD 206-10
reason for, RLP295
responding to, RLP294-6, RLW265
school, RLW73
tactics of, RLW74
treatment of bullies, PCSD 331-6
Burden, letting go of, B02Dec15
Burn, reacting to, compared to Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLV 85-6
“Burnout,” cause of, RLW36-7
Bus passenger, B06Mar15
Bushel of apples, metaphor for lying, RLD10-11, EWB 76, BWB83
none of, DC52
not paying attention to more than ours, B10Jul18
see workplace
Business indexes (productivity, profitability, etc.):
flow from less measurable qualities, RLW231
see Performance
see Profit
Busy, emptiness of, B30Nov16
Busyness, emptiness of, B30Nov16
examples of, B13Aug14
meaning of, RLWM 135, EWB 429, BWB441-2, B04Jan16
people use to excuse their behaviors, B26Dec12, B13Aug14
problems with, B04Aug14, B13Aug14
top ten, B09Jun14
vs. questions, B08May12
“But you said,” B28Apr14
Butcher knife, RL32-3
Butler, effect of, B04May16
and ox, B24Jun16
helping out of cocoon not good, B15Sep14
wing and controlling Real Love, B15Oct08