I cannot remember where I saw two mothers talking to each other years agoāprobably on a movie or television showābut one mother said to the other, āWhy do you yell at your kids so much?ā
The second mother responded, āBecause itās illegal to kill them.ā
Despite the dark humor, there is a ray of illuminating truth in this response. As we interact with people, we are responding not only to the stresses of the moment but to the pain of a lifetime. Weāre doing our best. This doesnāt make yelling at people a good or loving actāby no meansābut sometimes it IS the best we can do at the time.
We need to remember this as other people are unkind to us, that they are doing their best, and that even in their unkindness they may well be restraining themselves from treating us much worse than they are. We need to remember this as WE make mistakes with others, that we are not intentionally being unloving but instead are doing our best while being affected by a lifetime of pain.
Yelling at people certainly isnāt the best choice, but it beats killing them.