Once You’ve Seen the Bait…

By Greg Baer M.D.

July 25, 2016

I saw a woman, Karen, in my office who was very afraid of nearly everything in life, and whose response to fear was to please everyone. She didnā€™t know who she was and had no discernible personality.

Karen began to describe her partner of twenty years, and after a couple of sentences, I said, ā€œDo you mind if I finish your description?ā€

Although she looked surprised, she agreed. I told her that her partner was utterly selfish, never admitted to being wrong, didnā€™t hesitate to assume that Karen would give up her own comfort in any moment to do something for him, and if Karen said she was hurt by anything he did, he would turn it back around into something she had done to hurt him. I added that at a party he paid attention to everyone in the room but Karen, and later if she said anything about it, he denied it as though he had no idea what she was talking about.

As I spoke, Karenā€™s eyebrows steadily rose until she finally said, ā€œHow do you know all this?ā€

ā€œOnce you know the bait,ā€ I said, ā€œYou know the prey.ā€

ā€œI donā€™t understand.ā€

ā€œIā€™ve met YOU. You have ā€˜Use meā€™ written across your forehead, and expert usersā€”narcissists mostlyā€”would spot you a mile away. I simply described a narcissist, the very person who would mostly likely prey on a people pleaser like you. If you were not a people pleaser, you wouldnā€™t have attracted the prey you did.ā€

All trappers know that you put out certain bait to attract certain animals, whether to a hook, or a noose, or a snare, or whatever trap is set. People are attracted to certain kinds of bait too, and we need to be aware of that.

A woman once asked me why all men treated her like a piece of meat, to which I immediately answered, ā€œBecause youā€™re dressed like a piece of meat.ā€ Her clothing was designedā€”and not subtlyā€”to simultaneously reveal and draw attraction to her sexual attributes. Surprisingly, she listened to me, so when I met her a year later, she said, ā€œI was wrong. All men do NOT treat women like pieces of meat. Now that Iā€™ve learned to dress differentlyā€”and she really was dressed differentlyā€”I have found an entirely different class of men. I love it.ā€

If you want to attract an unconditionally loving partner, BECOME ONE. You will be the kind of bait that attracts genuine love.

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About the author 

Greg Baer, M.D.

I am the founder of The Real LoveĀ® Company, Inc, a non-profit organization. Following the sale of my successful ophthalmology practice I have dedicated the past 25 years to teaching people a remarkable process that replaces all of life's "crazy" with peace, confidence and meaning in various aspects of their personal lives, including parenting, marriages, the workplace and more.

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