“But You Said,”

By Greg Baer M.D.

April 28, 2014

Nick called to get my opinion on a personal matter. After I spoke, he said, “That’s not what you said last time.”

“Okay,” I said. “How long ago was that?”

“Couple of months.”

“Was the situation then exactly the same?”

“Pretty close.”

“Then what I said a couple of months ago about a different situation might not apply here. Circumstances have changed, you have changed.”

“But you said—”

I laughed as I interrupted. “You realize that you’re quoting me to me, right?”


I couldn’t help myself. I laughed again and interrupted. “You asked me what I thought NOW about THIS situation. I don’t even care what I said about a different situation two months ago, when you were different and I was stupider. You’re asking my opinion now, and you just got it.”

How often have you said—or heard—“But you said . . . ?” It’s almost like we’re looking for reasons to argue with people. If you want to know what someone believes or feels now, ask them. Don’t bring up the past to argue with them. Live now. Enjoy it. Learn from it. Let the past go, which will only hold you back.

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About the author 

Greg Baer, M.D.

I am the founder of The Real Love® Company, Inc, a non-profit organization. Following the sale of my successful ophthalmology practice I have dedicated the past 25 years to teaching people a remarkable process that replaces all of life's "crazy" with peace, confidence and meaning in various aspects of their personal lives, including parenting, marriages, the workplace and more.

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