Rarely does a day pass without my hearing people compare themselves to others:
- āIām just not as good as other people.ā
- āIām not pretty enough.ā
- āIāve always been stupid.ā
- āWhy canāt I make friends like other people do?ā
Letās examine the common denominator in all these expressions, recognizing that they are just four examples among thousands of others. I will translate each of the four examples into another form, without changing the meaning:
- āOther people are better than I am.ā
- āOther people are more beautifulāor, excuse the grammar, better beautifulāthan I am.ā
- āAll my life people have been more intelligentāpossess better intelligenceāthan I.ā
- āI donāt understand how everyone is better at making friends than I am.ā
Notice the one word that sticks out in all those examples? BETTER.
I suggest that BETTER is an evil wordābear in mind that I use the word āevilā almost neverāwhen it's used to compare ourselves to other people. We simply ARE WHO WE ARE. NO ONE ELSE on earth has our DNA, our epigenome, our education, our childhood and adult experiences, and more. No one. So how could we possibly compare ourselves to others?
Further, we compare ourselves to people we absolutely donāt know. We think we do, but I assure you that we donāt. I have counseled intimately with thousands of people who look perfect on the outside, but itās a thin shell that hides an unbearably painful, rotting mass of fear, anger, victimhood, people-pleasing, dishonesty, addictions, and more. I am NOT condemning these people, since they are merely reacting to pain inflicted upon them, but I AM saying that we know not what we do when we compare ourselves to the spray-painted shell that we can see.
So how can we use the word ābetter?ā The only productive thing we can do every day is to consciously make decisionsāwith all our imperfectionsāto make who we are just a little better: a little more accepting, a little more informed, a little more patient, a little more loving.
Oh myāI think with an enormous sighāhow much BETTER the world would be if we would just do this one thing. You can read more about this subject here.