Master Index - S

1-A    B    C   D    E    F    G    H    I    J-K    L    M    N   O    P-Q    R    S   T    U    V    WXYZ

How to Use the Index

This Master Index covers thousands of topics found in every Real Love book, the 500 Daily Coaching Videos and all the blogs.

Note that all the page numbers for the books refer to the hard copies of the book but not to location numbers in Kindle books.

In this index you can find Real Love answers to all your questions—it's like having your own personal coach 24/7.


How can you use it? Let’s look at a couple of examples:

Example One:
You want to tell the truth about yourself to your spouse. You want to change the direction of your marriage and create genuine, intimate, and lasting connections between you. How do you start? What can you say? Let’s look at the index:

Click on the T above and then go to Truth Telling, and you’ll discover a great many sub-headings, like “about ourselves,” “about your spouse,” “about our mistakes,” and more.

Or click on M and go to Marriage, truth telling in

Example Two:
Your child is being irresponsible, or angry, or whatever. What can you do? Click on the P and go to Parenting, and you’ll discover a great many sub-headings that will get your interest, like “teaching children about choice,” and more.


The following abbreviations are used throughout the Master Index:

DC = Daily Coaching Videos, 1 - 505
B = Blog, for example, B19Sep12 means blog from 19 Sep 2012
RL = The book, Real Love
RLM = The book, Real Love in Marriage
RLP = Real Love in Parenting
RLD = Real Love in Dating
RLWM = Real Love for Wise Men and Women
PCSD = Post Childhood Stress Disorder
RLV= Real Love and Freedom for the Soul (Victimhood)
RLW= Real Love in the Workplace
EWB = Essentials of Real Love Workbook
BWB = Essentials of Real Love Bible Workbook
Note: all the page numbers for the books refer to the hard copies of the book, not to location numbers in Kindle books


benefits, B20Dec17
everything, B02Jan14
love results from, B20Dec17
required for relationship, B28Oct11
Saddle, buy, B25Jun14
for ourselves (emptiness), RLWM 190-2, RLWM 193-4
genuine (for other people), RLWM 190
responding to in children, RLP257
telling truth about, RLWM 189-94
two kinds, RLWM 190
allows deeper wounds to surface sometimes, B16Dec16
bought by children with obedience, RLP34
bought by parents with fear, RLP85-6
created by love, B15May15
crippled by, PCSD 341-5
definition, RLP34
examples, RLP34-5, RLD 16, EWB85-7, BWB93-4
form of Imitation Love, PCSD 134-5, PCSD 341-5, RLV 16, RLW52, BWB93-5
from lying an illusion, RLP45
from sex, RLM 242-43
healthy, RLP38, RLW 61
illusion of, DC104-105-106-107-108, DC501, B02Jan08, BWB94-5
Imitation Love, RL 21, RLM 11
in Real Love, RL 23
more with less protection, B16Mar18
not healthiest goal, B02Jan08
parents give children by loving and teaching, B18Apr11
perspective of changed by trauma, PCSD 33
pursue in absence of Real Love, RLD 16
real, DC501, B18Apr11, RLWM 29, RLWM 117
required before faith and learning possible, B15May15
required before teaching possible, DC22, B18Apr11
reward for all Protecting Behaviors,
teaching children to pursue by rescuing them, RLP35
used by imitation wise man, RLWM 28-9
effect of Real Love on, RLW 20,RLW 24-5
improved by openness, B14Jun17
Samaritan woman, BWB4-5
Samoa, lost in, B07Aug12
Samoan language, BWB7-8
Samurai, last, B22May18
Sand castle, metaphor of, DC459-460, B26May08, B18Jun14
Sanders, Tim, RLW20
Sandy Hook shooting, B16Dec12
Santayana, George, BWB96
role of, B06Feb13
when inappropriate, B06Feb13
Sarek, B03Apr17
Saw blade, B04Mar16
Scars, of love, B07Feb11
friends arguing, DC51
teacher, problems with principal, DC54
School shootings, B16Dec12
School work:
allowing children to make decisions about according to age, RLP268-9, RLP333
Score-keeping, RL183, RLWM 217-18
Scurvy, RLP7-8, PCSD 4-5, PCSD 17-18, PCSD 271
Scurvy, like lack of love, B21Oct16
Sea of Galilee, BWB308
Imitation love, DC5

drought resistant, B11Jul14
faith in planting, RLD 55, RLD 92-3, EWB225, BWB245, BWB259
planted with every choice we make, B25Nov09, RLM 73
produce only what they came from, B25Nov09
spouting, B29May17
Seedling, growing compared to raising child, RLP6
blindness caused by emptiness and fear, RL 140-2
blindness causes expectations, intolerance, disappointment, RL 140
blindness causes selfishness, RL 143-4
blindness makes us alone, RL 140-1
can’t when empty and afraid, RL 140-2
changes with knowledge of how things are, RLP128
clearly changes how we feel, RLP128
clearly eliminates pain and offense, B21Jan13
clearly essential to making right decisions, B04Mar11, B26May11
clearly lets us deal with flaws that could break us, B20Jun11
differently, power of, DC77, B04Mar11, B26May11
distorted by lies and pain, B21Jan13
clearly with Real Love, RL 136
helped by Rules of Seeing, RL 141
impossible when using Getting and Protecting Behaviors, B10Sep12
impossible when afraid, B10Sep12
impossible when you need someone, RLWM 13-14
impossible with need and fear, RLP144
joy of being seen, B09Jan13
leads to loving, RLWM 7-9
learning to, RL 141
natural when loved, RL 141
people as objects, RL 143-4
people beautiful when, RL 141-2
People clearly, B21Sep12
power of, DC139-140, B04Dec06, B26May11
result of being loved and eliminating emptiness and fear, RL 141
rewards of, RLP144-5
Rules of, see Rules of Seeing
see Blindness
what we can’t is what hurts us worst, B26Jan11
what people can do to us or for us, RL 140
who we are, B04Dec06
will lead to loving, RLP144-5
Seeing other people more clearly:
accomplished by telling the truth about their emptiness and fear, BWB277
makes it possible for us to accept and love them, BWB277
expressing requires safety and love, B05Mar12
finding not necessary, B30May14
knowing requires safety and love, B05Mar12
affected by amount of Real Love we have, RL 37-40, RL 59, RL 124, RLM 27-8, RLM 85-6
affected by understanding, RL 17, RL 124
affected by understanding Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLM 84-6
alone not enough, RL 115, RL 119
always have some measure of, RLWM 75-6, RLWM 82, RLWM 258
effect on Real Love, RLWM 81-4
power of, versus Real Love, RLWM 83-4
Real Love and, BWB186-8
relative role of with Real Love, BWB188
role in accepting others, RL 153
role in becoming more loving, RL 139, RL 166-7, RL 171-2
role in eliminating Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RL 17, RL 28-9, RL 46, RL 112-15, RL 172, RL 244, RLM 84-6
role in remembering that we’re loved, RL 162, RL 171-2
role in repentance, BWB185
severely affected by lack of Real Love, BWB186-7
synergy with Real Love, RL 39, RL 115, RL 172, RLM 84-6, RLWM 83, RLWM 269
we have it, RL 11-12, RL 17, RL 37-8, RL 59, RL 115, RL 124
benefits of, B02Apr14
examples, B02Apr14
why, B02Apr14
Self-deception: RLWM 21, B06May15
common, RLW141
compared to misdiagnosis in surgery, RLW25
dangers of, RLW 141
definition, RLW25
examples, RLW25-6,RLW 66,RLW 67-8, RLW69, RLW140-41, RLW235-6
makes growth impossible, RLW140-41,RLW199-200
reason we have to help people tell the truth about themselves ,RLW 199-200, RLW234
worst kind of lying, RLW 140-41
defined by people empty and afraid, B03May11, B23Jul12
doesn’t exist, DC48-49-50, DC93, B11Mar11
generated by others, DC48-49, DC93, B11Mar11, B03May11, B23Jul12
how concept came to be, DC49, B11Mar11
misleading, DC48
source of, B03May11, B09Dec11, B23Jul12
why impossible, DC49
literature confused, DC49
tends to encourage victimhood, RLV 170-2, RLV 217
Self-love, B10Jun15
doesn’t exist, DC48-49-50, B11Mar11
Self-mutilation, PCSD 57
proof of, B24Oct14
cause, DC341-342, B09Dec11
caused by not understanding Law of Choice, RLP316
caused by pain, RLV 54, RLV 69-70
defined by empty people, B09Dec11
not malicious, DC341-342
pain cause, B09Dec11
Real Love impossible with, DC12, B08Jun11
responding to, DC341-342-343
Semmelweis, B04Sep15
September 11, B06Oct06
Serenity Prayer, B26Jun17
Serve, tennis B03Aug15
real, B19Mar18
worst, B29Jun15
Setting limits, DC11
addiction of, RLD 109-10
addictive, RLP392
adds to relationship with Real Love, RL 199
anatomy of, RLM 255-56
as illustration of mutual victimhood, RLV 233-5
asking for, RLM 257-68
attraction important to us, RL 200-1
avoid until marriage , DC12
can become distraction too early in a relationship, RLV 158
children having, reaction to, DC190-191
combinations of Imitation Love received from, RLW53
conflicts about, RLM 268-75
dangers of, RL 202-4, RLP392-3
differences between men and women , RLM 240-47
dissatisfaction with, RLM 246-47
distracting, RL 202-4, RL 205-6, RL 262, RLWM 16
distracting, DC12, DC63
distraction in finding Real Love, RLD 167, RLD 168-9, EWB403, BWB421
discussing with partner, RLD 175-6
doesn’t create relationships, B07May14
drive for, DC331-332
earning love, B12Mar14
emotional connection from, DC12, DC495
evidence that men see women as objects for, RLV158-9
familiarity with spouse’s body in, RLM 256-57
foreplay in, RLM 251-54
form of Imitation Love, RLD 162
frequency of, RLM 249-50
gift, RL 209-12
healthy, RLD 167
husbands who complain they don’t get, RLV 152-3
Imitation Love, different forms, DC12, DC63
Imitation Love from, DC331-332, B12Mar14, B07May14, RL 23-4, RL 199-200, RLM 240-46
Improving enjoyment of, RLM 248-68
in healthy relationships, RL 23, RL 199, RL 205
in marriage, RL 190-2, RL 197-9, RL 206-7, RL 207-12, RLM 247-82
Law of Choice in, RLM 272-75
loss of interest in, RL 207-12
men who complain women they date don’t give them, RLV 157-8
need for, DC331-332
not distracting with enough Real Love, RLD 172-4
not just a biological urge, DC12
often form of praise, BWB85
orgasm easier with Real Love, RLM 250-54
physical techniques of, RLM 250-57
pleasure of destroyed by emptiness and fear, RL 211-12
power from, RL 20-1, RL 202, RLM 241-42, RLD 15
praise from, RLM 241
pressure to have, RL207-12
prevalence of, RLD 161
preventing harm from, RLP393-6
refusing, B07May14
resolving, conflict about, RLWM 235- 8, RLWM 242-5, RLWM 251-3
restricting to marriage, RL192, RL197-9, RL 205-6
saving for marriage, RLD 168-77
solutions to dangers of, DC12, B07May14, RL192, RL 204-5
stealing love, B12Mar14
substitute for Real Love, DC12, B07May14
talking about, RLM 265-68
teaching children about, RL 212, RLP391-7
test drive in, RLD 176-7
trading for, B12Apr17
trading Imitation Love with, RL 207-9, RLM243-6, RLD 163-6
trap of, B13Jan12, B12Mar14
unprepared to deal with consequences of, RLP392
used as basis for victimhood, RLV 302
why people resist, RLV157
women use to trade with men, RLV159-62
women who complain they’re treated like objects for, RLV 158-62, RLV 302
world teaches casual approach to, RLP391
Sex-starved husband, RLV 152-3
Sexual abuse, see Abuse, sexual
case of, RLV 221-4
see Margie
Sexual fidelity:
definition of, DC339-340
in marriage, DC339-340
Sexual offenders:
responding to, DC211-212-213
understanding, DC211-212-213
Shadows, worry about, B13Jul15
Shakespeare, RLWM 76
and fear, B06Jul15
based on lies, B26Jun12
cause, B15Jun16, B05Feb18
destructive, RLWM 93-6
eliminating, B08Jul15, B05Feb18
eliminating with Real Love, RLWM 95-6, RLWM 263-5, BWB179
eliminating with truth, RLWM 94-5, RLWM 263-5
examples, B26Jun12, RLWM 93-6
how developed, B31Aug15
how eliminated, B31Aug15
misplaced, B26Jun12
see Margie, PCSD 313-14
solution in understanding, B15Jun16
vs. guilt, RLWM 93, B31Aug15
helping children when another child won’t, RLP229-31, RLP304-9, RLP374-5
helping children with, RLP374-5
teaching children about, RLP374-6
Sherpas, B14Mar14
Ship, magical, B19Aug16
Ships, at sea, metaphors for us, B26Dec16
Shoelaces, B05Jun15
alternative, B03Sep14
damage from, B17Sep14
effects of, B03Sep14
examples of, B03Sep14
inappropriate judgment of, B14Mar12, B03Sep14, B17Sep14
know better, B22Jun11
meaning of the use of the word, B03Sep14, B09Nov15
should have, judgment of, B14Mar12
Shouldn’t, meaning of the use of the word, B09Nov15
Shovel, hitting in face with, B13Nov18
Shuster, Dave, B08May18
Shyness, DC41
give opportunity to love, RL 217-19
opportunity to learn about love, RLP367
stopping arguments between, RLP367-8
trading Imitation Love between, DC422-423
our right to be, DC306-307
Sides, wise man doesn’t take, RLWM 131-2
Sierra Leone, B16Apr12
Significant figures, B07Aug15
benefit of, B29Mar17
danger of, B08Jan18
discomfort of, B05Oct16
in listening, RLWM 134
love in, B05Oct16
meaning of, RLP111-2, RLD 153
Silt, production of, B26Jun15
Singing, learning to, B29Apr16
Single-tasking, benefits of, B13Apr16
Getting and Protecting Behaviors are, BWB159-61
give up to be reborn, BWB22
hard work, BWB231
of others, forgive, BWB171
understanding that Getting and Protecting Behaviors are sins gives us power, see Getting and Protecting Behaviors
Situational exposure therapy, PCSD 273
laziness of, B18Jun12
Skiing, metaphor for life, B27Apr16
Skilling, Jeff , RLW59-60
Skinned knee, B21Oct15
Sky diving, RL68
Sky, hold, B02Apr18
Slide, Pacific, B18Apr12
Sliding backward, B16Dec16
Slow, not bad, B26May17
Slower, is faster, B14Jun17
Small, thinking, B02Oct15
Small things, prevent, B21Aug17
Small world, most of us live in, B02Oct15
Smiling, lie of, B28Oct16
responding to, RLP136-7
treating as element of PCSD, PCSD 311-18
understanding as symptom of PCSD, PCSD 199-202
Soboks, B27Jun08
Soccer, playing, B13Nov17
Social media, negative effects of, B13Apr16
Soft, too, B22Feb17
compacting, B10Dec08
nourishing, B17Apr17
Solutions easier to see without emptiness and fear, EWB299-302
Solutions, temporary vs. long-term, B14May12
Sons, parable of two, BWB32
Sony, RLW 207, RLW215
acting to eliminate pain, B07Aug18
and clearer, B21Jan15
acting to eliminate conflict, B17Oct14
Sorry, I’m, see Apology
Sorry, real meaning of, RLP334-5
need to be fed, RLWM 14-15
Soviet Union, farms in, RLW 298
Sower, parable, BWB245
Space, personal, B24Oct11
Space shuttle, B21Mar11
Speak up, B08Jan18
Speaker, examples of false, B23Sep15
danger of being, B17Sep14
love, B18Aug14, 13Oct14
meaning, 13Oct14
need to be, 13Oct14
useful, 13Oct14
we don’t need to be, B09Oct15
Special Olympics, B07Nov12
Spencer, Richard, B18Dec17
Spider metaphor, EWB161, BWB194
Spinning tires, B25May15
Spiral of disability, B10Sep12
can’t feel when using Getting and Protecting Behaviors, BWB230
conveys God’s love to us, BWB229-30
difference between flesh and, BWB99
Splinter removal, B10Feb12
Spock, B03Apr17
Spoiled, victims are, RLV 140
Spoon fed, B03Jun15
Sprouts, crushing, B29May17
Squats, B10Jul17
Squirrels, herding, B26Feb14
Standards, for relationship, B07Mar12
Starvation, compared to lack of Real Love, RLV 72
anger natural when, RLM 36-7
can’t give bread (Real Love) to others when you are yourself, RL37, RL125
compared to lack of Real Love, DC4
expectations natural when, RLM 46-7
man can’t improve his performance by self-control alone, RL38, RLM 28
metaphor for being without enough Real Love, RLD 45-7, RLD 69-70, RLD 101-2, RLD 167
on island after shipwreck, RL3
without Real Love, DC4
woman, metaphor, DC30
Station bill, B01May18
Steak, vs. happiness, B20Apr15
Stealing, justified by victimhood, RLW6, RLW 80
Stealing food, metaphor of, RLV 41-3
Steinbeck, John, PCSD 253
don’t skip, B18Nov16
each prepares for next, B08Nov17
enjoy each one, B18Nov16, B08Nov17
enjoying each, B04Jul14
forward, B09Jun17
next, B28Sep16, B23Jan17
next, always love, B01Jun15
next, enjoy, B23Jan17
next discovered by taking, B21Sep16
next may be unstable, B21Sep16
one at a time, DC409, B04Jul14
conflicts about, DC81-82-83
Stockdale, Admiral, RLW 141
of happiness, three legs, B01Dec17, B09Apr18
legs uneven, B09Apr18
fears, thoughts, B24Sep14
wounds before building possible, 01Aug11
“Stop being yourself,” RLP107-8
Stop sign, RLWM 57-8, RLV 199
Store owner, charging incorrectly, B18Mar16
stopping, B27Oct14, B03Nov14
telling, B11Jan17
Stork, flight of, B14Jan09
Straight talk, B20Sep17
Imitation Love, B08Feb16
sucking on, B08Feb16
assessing, B06Feb17
from many experiences, B24Apr18
from gifts and transmission, B08Jan19
real, B06Feb17
transmission to power, B08Jan19
weakened, B06Feb17
Strengths, focusing on, B16Jan15
any kind can trigger PCSD, PCSD 187-8
cause of, RLW31-2
cost of, RLW31, RLW102
effect on health, RLW 102
helps us identify what we need to work on, B03Feb11, B19Dec11
highlights how much Real Love we really have, B19Dec11
improved by truth telling, RLW 149-53
treatment of, RLW31-2
two meanings of, PCSD 24-5
Struggle, painful, B31Aug16
because of lack of trust, B01Dec14
Students, excellent of bad teachers, B15Jun16
Stupid, RLWM 110-11
negative connotations to in the past, EWB411-12, BWB428-9
use of word, B12Feb07, BWB424-5
Subject of conversation:
changing, B01Oct14, B23Feb18
identifying, B01Oct14
Submission, B26Mar07
addiction, DC57
many steps of preparation required, B03Jan18
only prolongs disappointment, DC117
Sucking, B08Feb16
blessings of, BWB324-5
reason for, BWB319-24
dangers of, DC246-247-248-249-250-251
by Imitation Love, B04Jul08
cause of, DC322-323, B04Dec07, B04Jul08
caused by parents usually, B04Dec07
Sultan, sword, B25Jan17
lack of Real Love is cause of, RLW17
metaphor for pain of lack of Real Love, DC247-248, RLW8-9, EWB383, BWB404
Sunflowers, B25Nov09
Surgery, risk of, EWB217, BWB251
different from thriving, PCSD 194-5
edge of without Real Love, DC33
futility of, B23Mar12
interferes with thriving, PCSD 2, PCSD 128, PCSD 171
only choice, B02Oct15
vs. thriving, B05Oct12
Swan-peacock story, RLD 71-2
Sword, strong versus sharp, B25Jan17
dangers of, DC116-117-118, DC222-223-224, RLWM 38
not love, DC381-382
rewards of, RLV 110-111
temptation to offer, DC115
victims manipulate people for, RLV 109-16
Symptoms, see Wounds
treating without treating real problem, BWB30-2
Synonyms for love, PCSD 274