Buy a Saddle

By Greg Baer M.D.

February 22, 2021

Marie wrote and said that she had tried to be a wise woman to Lucy, but Lucy had terminated the conversation with obvious dissatisfaction. ā€œI guess I just wasnā€™t loving enough,ā€ Marie said.

ā€œMaybe,ā€ I replied, ā€œbut you really canā€™t judge how loving YOU were by using the response of another person.ā€

ā€œWhy not?ā€

ā€œItā€™s relatively easy simply to be kind or accommodating, but genuine lovingā€”the kind that a wise man doesā€”includes teaching. You have to teach people what they NEED to learn. Often the very thing people NEED to hear is exactly what they don't WANT to hear, so itā€™s often the case that they will dislike what you're teaching them, even though it's true and loving.ā€

ā€œBut isnā€™t it still possible that I could have been more loving?ā€

ā€œOh, sure, we could ALWAYS be better, but all you want to know is whether you were loving ENOUGH, and whether you did your best to be loving. If you use perfection as a standard, youā€™ll almost always fail.ā€

We should always listen when someone says weā€™re not loving. There might be some truth in it, something for us to learn. But the feedback of people weā€™re teaching is often only a statement of their fears and has little to do with our loving. Just listen to them and evaluate your loving as well as you can.

I remember an aphorism from years ago: If one person tells you that you're a horse, ignore it. If two people in a row tell you that you're a horse, consider the possibility. If three people in a row tell you that you're a horse, buy a saddle.

If youā€™re properly loving and teaching people, it is unavoidable that some people wonā€™t like hearing the truth about themselves, so these people WILL tell you that youā€™re unloving. I suggest, in fact, that if youā€™re not getting at least 15% negative feedback, youā€™re probably not doing enough teaching. If people consistently don't feel loved by you, however, you probably are not being unconditionally lovingā€”PROBABLY.

Real Love for Wisemen and Women

Learn how to truly love others and give them what they need.

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About the author 

Greg Baer, M.D.

I am the founder of The Real LoveĀ® Company, Inc, a non-profit organization. Following the sale of my successful ophthalmology practice I have dedicated the past 25 years to teaching people a remarkable process that replaces all of life's "crazy" with peace, confidence and meaning in various aspects of their personal lives, including parenting, marriages, the workplace and more.

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