January 3

All Those Little Steps

January 3, 2018

Personal Growth

A woman, Karen—who had practiced Real Love for more than a year—wrote me to say, “I can’t recognize my life from when we met more than a year ago. I am so much happier and peaceful. I must admit when you said back then that I would grow in confidence, I kind of laughed inside, since I’ve been afraid of everything all my life. You told me that I was vastly underemployed, for one thing, not that you cared what job I had, but that I was settling for far less than I was capable of. Again, I laughed at you, but for a few weeks I’ve really been looking, and this week I have two real, in-person interviews. The prospects are very positive. It’s exciting—not the jobs so much—but that I feel confident about myself that I can do so much more than I ever thought possible. I have less fear and more willingness to do something that is new and hard. I’m enjoying my life. It’s all so sudden and amazing.”

“You sound,” I wrote to Karen, “like you’re a little surprised at the ‘sudden’ changes in your life. But it’s not been sudden at all. Look at all the steps you've taken to get to this one point with these interviews. Most people just want to go out and "find a job." That's like saying I want to go out and be a neurosurgeon, or be a great husband, without doing any of the work to accomplish these responsibilities. You don't just fall into these conditions. You PREPARE for them.

“And often we don't recognize the steps we take toward a particular thing, because they don't appear to be connected. Let me observe—in no particular order—just a few of the things I’ve seen you do to prepare for these two job interviews:

You learned to trust some wise people. Huge.
When you got afraid, you trusted even more.
You learned to control people WAY less than you used to.
That release of control allowed you to learn to trust wise people even more.
You began to just listen to your intuition—or divine revelation—to guide you in making the next decision.
Feeling guided by an inner voice, or God—rather than making a decision about what you wanted and then strangling it into existence—you had much greater confidence that you were in the flow of the universe instead of wrestling it.
You began to love people. You offered WHO YOU ARE to them—in lots of capacities.
You learned from steady experience that who you are is actually highly desirable, that you have something to offer in the world.

"And now it’s just natural—after all those decisions—that you're going to simply go out and offer who you are to the world, and you KNOW that somebody will see your value—financially, in leadership, with your confidence, with your emotional power, and more—and will PAY you for who you are and what you can do.

"Look at how many of these decisions you've made were NOT for the purpose of finding a job—you were just doing the next right thing for your life overall—and yet, precisely because you made them, you are now more prepared to get a better career.

"Nice work. Really.”

“I feel invincible,” Karen said, “as I go to these interviews, because no matter what they say or decide, we’re both just deciding if we’re a match. I can't lose because I'll still have your love, and my coach’s love. Getting the job or not can't change that. What a powerful feeling.

“My adult daughter, Laura, and I skyped tonight. It was fun. I noticed my tendency to want to change the subject to myself many times, but I just closed my mouth and listened to her.”

“Again,” I said, “it’s all the result of your making many decisions and steps prior to that, preparing you for THIS one conversation with her. You have practiced being aware and making decisions that were patient and loving for a long time, and it has paid off handsomely for you and for her.

“We love to talk about dramatic events in our lives. We love drama, and we like to show how a particular ‘big’ event or decision impacted us. But mostly we learn and grow from a beautifully subtle and eternally crafted tapestry of decisions, changed perspectives, events, people, and more. You DID it, my dear. Now enjoy it. Keep taking steps.”

Most of us take a couple of steps, but then, when there is the least bit of pain or risk or perceived danger, we give up, often one or two heart breaking steps from realizing the goal we’ve wanted all our lives. Never give up. Keep walking. Keep going.

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