In order to feel unconditional love, we must first trust the sincerity and ability to love of those who are offering it to us.
There are even more ways to learn how to trust, which are found throughout the Real Love website and books, but some of us still have difficulty with trusting. So what can we do?
The Fire Within: How Negative Influences Destroy Trust
It is my experience that destructive influences can greatly outweigh positive ones.
A fire, for example, can destroy in an hour what took years to build.
On a personal level, if I shake your hand gently on our first meeting but then punch you in the face the next time we meet, I guarantee that the punch will be more memorable.
I’m suggesting that we can increase our faith—our trust in love and in those who give it—at least by avoiding the influences that destroy trusting.
What are some examples of these negative conditions?
EXPECTATIONS
A man wrote me to say:
“I’ve been unloved for so long that I’m desperate for love. And I have notions in my head—almost like fantasies—about how that love should look.
"I’ve noticed that when you respond to my emails, or Skype with me, or talk to me in person, I tend to unconsciously demand how you respond.
"Essentially, I try to control how you love me. These expectations set me up for failure, because if you don’t respond exactly as I had hoped, I feel disappointed. How stupid is that? You’re loving me unconditionally, but I feel disappointed because of my own expectations."
Unconditional love isn’t that common in the world. When we find it—sometimes a drop at a time—we need to drink it in eagerly, rather than ruining what little we find by expecting it to look another way.
What if we’re dying of thirst in the middle of the desert, and we’re offered a glass of water? If we’re blinded by expectations of orange juice, we’ll miss entirely the lifesaving experience of the water.
THOUGHTS
When we find any source of Real Love®, we need to embrace it. We need to eagerly believe in the love we’re getting and refuse to nourish any thoughts that we’re not being loved.
One way we commonly discredit love is to find fault with the person loving us, and we need to avoid that diligently.
THE PAST
Most of us have experienced a lack of Real Love®—or even complete absence thereof—our entire lives. Once we’ve found a consistent source of love now, we need to cling to it and let go of all we learned about “love” from the past.
If we bring those beliefs with us—along with the wounds that accompanied them—we will make it impossible to feel loved in the present.
Choosing Trust: A Conscious Act of Faith
Find the love you can. Then don’t set fire to what you do find by nurturing untrusting feelings and judgments.
