November 18

We Can’t Skip the Steps

November 18, 2016

Personal Growth

All his life Paul had been criticized, pressured, manipulated, and neglected by his parents. When asked, however, he said that his family had been “wonderfully loving,” because it was all he knew, and he didn’t want to commit the crime of criticizing his own parents. The truth was apparent, however, in his people pleasing, clinging, and inability to have a single healthy relationship in forty-five years.

I loved and taught him, and he began to see what he’d been missing. “I can hardly explain it,” he said, “but I’m changing. I’m happier. I’m a better father. I want to take this into a loving relationship with a partner. I want to spread this message to others.”

“These are all reasonable goals,” I said, “but you’re in a hurry. It’s rarely a good idea to push too fast when it comes to love.”

“So what can I do?”

“Enjoy the step you’re on. Thoroughly. You’ve always wanted an emotional and spiritual dad to love and guide you. Now you have one. Enjoy that. You have wanted to feel understood and cared for. That’s the step you’re on. Don’t rush on to the next step, because then you’ll miss the joy of this one, and you won’t be nearly as prepared for the next step.”

We tend to be in a hurry. We want to just “be” at our final destination. But it doesn’t work like that. Don’t take a step because it’s "on the way" to somewhere. Each step is to be savored individually. If we do that, the entire journey is fulfilling, and secondarily we move faster, because we’re pushing off from a step that we solidified with our enjoyment of it.

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