Learning a New Serve

Marilyn wrote to me: “I was introduced to Real Love several months ago, and the hardest thing for me has been the Law of Expectations. I’m learning how frequently I expect things of people in my life—my adult children, my coworkers, my friends—and how painful it has been for me when they choose to do whatever they want, when I have no control over them or their choices.”

We have a lot of expectations only because we have a lot of pain and emptiness that we’ve never addressed. When we're filled with love, we don't need to demand it from any one person.

Marilyn: “It has been very difficult not to expect certain behaviors of people after all I've done for them, or because I really need something, or whatever. But I’m beginning to learn that when I am able to let go of expectations, it is so freeing, and I’m so much happier. I’m a tennis player and recently thought about an analogy that applies to the Law of Expectations.

“My old serve has worked for years, in that I usually get it over the net and into the service box, but it’s a dinky little serve and easily returned. And it’s really hard on my elbow, so I have pain after a tournament. My tennis coach has been helping me learn a new serve. It’s awkward, because I’m used to the old one, but I’m beginning to get it right. It’s faster, more accurate, and doesn’t hurt my elbow. This new serve is definitely better, but it’s taking a lot of time and effort. When I’m tired or fearful, I fall back into my old serve, but then my game suffers, as does my elbow.

“I think that practicing Real Love—and the Law of Expectation—will be like learning my new serve. When I work at it, giving it time and conscious effort, Real Love works much, much better than anything else I’ve ever done, but when I'm frustrated or fearful, I tend to revert back to the old way, and then feel my life doesn’t work very well. I know that with time and practice and experience with the rewards of Real Love, my tendency to go back to the old way of dealing with people will be greatly decreased. The new, better way will replace the old, ineffective way, like with my new serve, and I’ll be so much happier.”

Marilyn describes this well. Learning a new way of living after decades of immersion in something else is no small task. But it’s possible, and it’s so worth it. Anything founded on something other than Real Love isn’t worth doing, so we need to get busy creating that new foundation—that new serve—right now.