Helping Others Shift from Storytelling to Healing Love

By Greg Baer M.D.

August 13, 2024

As a life coach, I've often encountered individuals like Caroline, who are trapped in a cycle of victimhood, retelling stories of past injustices.

When Caroline sat down with me, she began recounting her grievances with great animation.

I interrupted her, offering a choice: trust me and let go of the victim narrative, or continue seeking sympathy elsewhere.

Caroline chose trust, and in doing so, she opened herself to love and healing.

Her transformation was remarkable, demonstrating the power of letting go and embracing a new perspective.

Caroline's Cycle of Victimhood

From the moment Caroline sat down, she began with great animation to detail the innumerable injustices in her life, and how everyone had hurt her deeply. Within twenty seconds I said, ā€œThis will not help you. Youā€™ve told this story hundreds of times.ā€ Other people had previously told me about her stories.

ā€œYou need to understand thatā€”ā€ she said.

I interrupted firmly. ā€œI've heard it all before, my dear.ā€

ā€œBut you canā€™t understand me untilā€”ā€

ā€œThere isnā€™t a single injustice or injury that you could tell me in this moment that I havenā€™t heard from you or someone else. Youā€™ve been hurt a LOT, youā€™re very afraid of being hurt again, and youā€™re very angry about it. I got it. I just described your life. The details donā€™t matter much.ā€

ā€œButā€”ā€

The Choice: Trust or Leave

ā€œLook at me. Look into my eyes and FEEL what Iā€™m telling you right now. You donā€™t need to talk about your pain or victimhood or the injustices in your life anymore. It simply doesnā€™t work. YOU have already proven that with your own experience. So Iā€™m giving you a choice. You can choose to listen to me and trust meā€”completelyā€”right this minute, without arguing, resisting, complaining, nothingā€”only listening and trusting. Thatā€™s your first choice, and Iā€™m not telling you what you SHOULD do. Not at all. But the second choice is to leave.ā€

ā€œYouā€™re throwing me out?!ā€

ā€œOh no, not at all. But if you choose to keep acting like a victimā€”telling your story over and overā€”you simply donā€™t need me for that. There are many other people who would be only too happy to listen to your stories, even to sympathize with them. Actually, the trees in my backyard wouldnā€™t mind either. Theyā€™ll listen all day and night, for years. Iā€™m just saying that if you want to tell your stories, you can do that with much more willing listeners than me. So, choose.ā€

Embracing Love and Transformation

She chose to trust, and as she spent the next four hours with me, she didnā€™t complain once. I loved her and taught her. She listened and felt the love.

For the next several days people asked her what had happened to her, because her face had changed so much.

People really do need to tell their story once or twice to loving people, because when people feel truly understood by someone, they find it easier to believe that that person loves them. But telling victim stories eventually becomes a self-destructive spiral.

We need to help such people stop telling their stories and instead feel the love that will heal the wounds that are destroying them.

Real Love for Wisemen and Women

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About the author 

Greg Baer, M.D.

I am the founder of The Real LoveĀ® Company, Inc, a non-profit organization. Following the sale of my successful ophthalmology practice I have dedicated the past 25 years to teaching people a remarkable process that replaces all of life's "crazy" with peace, confidence and meaning in various aspects of their personal lives, including parenting, marriages, the workplace and more.

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