Nelson told me that he could hardly remember anything in his life from before the age of ten, nor did he have more than a handful of photographs of those forgotten years. “I feel like I had no childhood,” he said, “so maybe I just need to find myself.”
I can’t count how many people who have told me that they’re on a journey to “find themselves.” It simply doesn’t work that way. We don’t get lost, so finding ourselves becomes meaningless. We do, however, lose the ability to SEE who we really are, because we’re hidden behind the lies, fears, and behaviors we’ve learned from early childhood.
Contrary to what he said, Nelson DID have a childhood—an unbearably painful one, whether from neglect, or abuse, or whatever else. His pain led to constant fear and to a multitude of behaviors designed to protect him from fear. He was so buried in layers of fear and in his protecting behaviors that he had no idea who he was.
What Nelson learned to do—and what we all need to do—was to focus not on finding himself but on finding and trusting Real Love. When he felt loved, his fears fell away, and gradually he began to see who he really was.
With practice, we can even modify and improve who we are, but all that is impossible in the presence of fear.
Find and trust Real Love and lose your fear.
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