As a Life Coach, I often hear stories like Charlotte's, where old friendships trigger familiar habits.
When she called me feeling confused and exhausted after visiting her friend Virginia, I recognized the struggle of balancing personal growth with past connections.
It's all too easy to slip back into old patterns when we're around those who knew us before our transformation.
In this discussion, I'll share insights on navigating these challenges and staying true to ourselves while evaluating the nature of our friendships.
The Challenge of Old Habits
After diligently studying and practicing Real LoveĀ® for a couple of years, Charlotte called me and said, āIām confused and exhausted.ā
āBecause . . .?ā I asked.
āI just visited with an old friend, Virginia, and I found myself slipping right back into old habits. Within half an hour I was gossiping, finding fault with people, using bad language, and drinkingāall kinds of stuff that Iād quit doing.ā
āNo surprise.ā
āBut I know that those things never made me happy before,ā she said. āWhy would I do them now?ā
āNo doubt Virginia uses all those behaviors, yes?ā
āYes, and I used to do the same.ā
Understanding the Influence of Friends
āWhen you were with her this time, you felt a subtle pressure to be the person she remembered, and to act like she did. In no time at all, you had fallen back into old habits, which were there waiting with open arms.ā
āSo now what should I do? Do I avoid her? I hate to lose her as a friend.ā
Evaluating the Nature of Friendships
āOh, I canāt tell you whether to keep her as a friend, but the first thing you told me was that your interaction with her left you confused and exhausted.
"So I suggest you ask yourself a couple of questions: First, do you like feeling confused and exhausted? Second, is she really a friend if you have to change who you are in order for both of you to feel comfortable with each other?ā
āBut sheās a good person, and we used to be so close.ā
āI believe you, but youāve both changed. Iām not saying that sheās not a good person, but her interests are not the same as yoursāas you proved in your conversation. And you canāt carve out of people the parts you found desirable. You have to accept all of them as they are, or not.ā
Embracing Change and Finding New Connections
It is very common that as we align ourselves with the truth and love, meaningful friendships become increasingly difficult with people who donāt have the same values.
Weāre not superior to them. Weāre not shunning them.
Weāre just recognizing that we no longer share the qualities that once drew us together.
Weāll find new friends. Weāll find people who are interested in living truthful and loving lives.
In the end, we wonāt miss the people whose lives have diverged from our own.