What Real Love Really Looks and Feels Like

By Greg Baer M.D.

February 4, 2011

Blog by Joanne Nelson-Metzger

This last week I had the opportunity to stay with some dear friends who have been creating a Real Love marriage together for several years. Although I've known them for some time, I had never stayed with them in their home. I was greatly moved by the subtle yet very powerful feeling of peace that was a continuous undercurrent throughout the time I was there.

I didn't even really notice it at first. I knew I was happy to be there, to see them, to visit and hang out. But then I became aware of the easy, free, peaceful feeling that permeated everything, no matter what we were doing or how busy or un-busy we were. I started to pay attention to see if I could identify exactly what was going on. I wanted to bottle it and take it home!

This is what I noticed: Everyone felt completely free to do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. There were no expectations on anyone's part that someone else would join in on something, although the invitation was open. (I even noticed fleeting thoughts in my own head of "maybe I should go downstairs, maybe I should not make this phone call now" until I remembered where I was and that nobody there cared at all what I did. They didn't need me to do anything, and they trusted me to do what I wanted to do.)

I watched the interactions between them. They each were busy with their own things, but they checked in with each other often. There were little "hi hon's" and "how ya doing?" as one walked by or stopped by wherever the other was working. They made easy agreements about when they would do things like go to dinner, but I knew that if one said "How about 6?" the other one felt totally free to make an honest assessment about whether that would work before agreeing or suggesting another time.

They told me they had no set schedule day to day. It could vary as needed depending on choices or responsibilities. And if one made a request, "I'd love to spend some time with you, want to go to the store?" the other would either drop what they were doing and go, or say, "I need 20 more minutes on this, then I'd be happy to." (Works that way with sex, too, I imagine.)

If one wanted to relax in front of the television, the other often appeared soon, computer or other project in tow, but there was no sense of obligation. If she hadn't shown up, he'd have watched the show happily. If one took a phone call, the show was paused.

It was all so easy! That's the feeling that kept coming up for me. They each felt free to do whatever they wanted to do, they worked out any timing or scheduling issues together, coming to a solution that worked for them both. They asked for time or attention from the other when they wanted it, and there was never a No answer, but often it was "can't now, but can at this time".

On the outside, it could've looked pretty mundane. On the inside, however, the heart-inside, it was glorious. It was love, Real Love, in action. Peaceful, free, happy. Yeah, that's the word. Happy.

And I'm going to do everything I know to take it home with me.

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About the author 

Greg Baer, M.D.

I am the founder of The Real Love® Company, Inc, a non-profit organization. Following the sale of my successful ophthalmology practice I have dedicated the past 25 years to teaching people a remarkable process that replaces all of life's "crazy" with peace, confidence and meaning in various aspects of their personal lives, including parenting, marriages, the workplace and more.

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