Real Love Has Made My Life Worse

By Greg Baer M.D.

September 6, 2011

Personal Growth

Mark had read the book Real Love and attended several Real Love groups. He called me and said, "Real Love has ruined my life."

"How so?" I asked.

"I feel worse about myself, and my marriage is worse than ever."

After asking a few questions, I said, "For many years I was an eye surgeon. One day a woman came in the day after her surgery and said, 'My house is filthy, and it's all your fault.' I asked her what she meant, and she said that in recent years she simply hadn't known how dirty her house was, because her vision was so bad. Now that she could see more clearly, the house was 'suddenly' filthy, and—tongue in cheek—she was blaming me for that."

"So you're telling me," Mark said, "that I'm just finally noticing the problems that have been there for a long time."

"Yep."

Very few of us realize how unloved we have felt all our lives, or how unloving we have been toward others. Everyone around us lives the same way, so we accept our condition—empty and afraid—as normal. When we learn the true definition of love, we begin to recognize our pain and the reality of our lives and relationships. Many people, however, are not willing to endure this discomfort, so they put their heads right back into the sand, believing that if they can't see a thing—like dirt in the house—it doesn't exist.

Growth and genuine happiness are not possible without telling the truth about where we are right now, and that requires great faith and courage.

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About the author 

Greg Baer, M.D.

I am the founder of The Real Love® Company, Inc, a non-profit organization. Following the sale of my successful ophthalmology practice I have dedicated the past 25 years to teaching people a remarkable process that replaces all of life's "crazy" with peace, confidence and meaning in various aspects of their personal lives, including parenting, marriages, the workplace and more.

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