Understanding Is Over-Rated

By Greg Baer M.D.

April 10, 2015

Julia called and said, “You’ve spent a lot of time with me. I’ve read the books. I’ve listened to the video chats. But I’m still plagued with fear a lot of the time.”

“Do you remember how it felt when I was holding you?” I asked.


“How did you feel?”

“Loved. Safe. Happy. Probably the best moment of my life.”

“If you simply remember that you’re loved, the fear leaves. Fear and love cannot co-exist. They just can’t. So, we don’t have to fight fear, only embrace the love, and then the fear just goes away.”

“But you can’t be holding me all day.”

“No, but you can remember my holding you, and if you trust enough, that memory can banish your fears too.”

“I don’t understand how just remembering can eliminate my fear.”

“You don’t have to understand. You only have to do it. When you’re afraid, your head is just filled with racing thoughts, isn’t it?”


“So change your thoughts. Fill your head with memories of feeling loved, and you won’t have room for fear and racing thoughts.”

“Hmmm . . .”

“Imagine that you buy a computer,” I said. “You want to use it. You ask me for help, and my first recommendation is that you find the cord extending from the back of the computer and plug it into the wall socket. But you respond, ‘I don’t understand how that would work. What difference would that make?’ But you don’t have to understand, do you? Just plug it in and see what happens. It’s like that here, with your remembering love instead of focusing on fear.”

Some things cannot be understood until they’re experienced—trust, love, and forgiveness, for example. We can talk about them all day, but we can’t know these feelings until we simply try them. What have we got to lose?

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About the author 

Greg Baer, M.D.

I am the founder of The Real Love® Company, Inc, a non-profit organization. Following the sale of my successful ophthalmology practice I have dedicated the past 25 years to teaching people a remarkable process that replaces all of life's "crazy" with peace, confidence and meaning in various aspects of their personal lives, including parenting, marriages, the workplace and more.

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