I receive a great number of questions every day. They’re often about relationships, money, children, sex, and more, but the answers are always about love. Every time. And there’s a theme that runs through the answers that might be helpful to remember:
Before we can feel the unspeakably powerful influence of Real Love in our lives—which then changes all perceptions, relationships, interactions, and more—we first have to find someone who can love us unconditionally. In a world fueled by the pursuit of Imitation Love and maniacal self-protection, finding such a person is no small feat.
But we can find people who are loving. First we need an idea of what Real Love looks like, so we can at least recognize people who are likely to love us in that way. The Real Love books and website and other materials can be helpful with this.
No matter how loving someone might be toward us—pouring a waterfall of Real Love on our heads—if we don’t trust it, we will not feel it. End of story.
I have spent countless hours loving people in person and on the phone. We LOVE to be loved. It’s fulfilling, healing, and exhilarating. Those feelings are much more accessible WHILE we’re being loved and trusting it, but when the loving experience is over, and we’re subjected to the distractions and arrows of everyday life, the loving feelings often fade.
We have to learn how to REMEMBER the love we’ve received, so we can carry it with us into any situation.
As we fill with Real Love, it naturally overflows to the point where we can give it to others. If we consciously allow it to overflow, and learn to direct it, the flow of love through us increases. In the process we actually feel more love than we’re giving.
Putting It All Together
Find-Trust-Remember-Share tends to be a sequence. We tend to find love, then trust it, then remember it, and then—finally—to share it. But we don’t have to perfect one “step” before moving on to the next. Allow me to share, for example, my experience with Markus.
Markus was raised in a family where emotional abandonment was the norm, spiced with betrayal, anger, veiled criticism, and disdain. He was a hollow shell of a man, pretending valiantly to the world that he had everything under control. He learned about Real Love and immediately reached out to find the love he’d been lacking all his life. I spent a couple of days with him, and his trust was remarkable. When we parted, we continued to talk on the phone or by Skype at least once every day.
One day he wrote and said, “What a glorious morning. I suddenly had a beautiful idea: I walked into my mother's bedroom and asked her if she would mind moving all her bottles of pills so I could lie down beside her. Then I just lay next to her for half an hour stroking her hair and kissing her face like you did to me. She kept talking and telling me how afraid she was about this and that and I just answered her with one or two words and kept holding her till she was quiet. I just breathed slower and slower until she felt calm. I LOVED IT. I don’t care about all the hurts of the past anymore. I’m crying happy tears.”
Even though Markus was early in the process of Find-Trust-Remember-Share, he didn’t pause to perfect each step as he went. While still in the early stages of trusting and remembering, he nonetheless struck out in the direction of sharing. He did all he could to love a woman who had been emotionally unavailable to him—and thereby hurt him—for decades. What courage and conscious intent.
When we remember the simplicity of the process of love, it can sometimes make our next choice far easier. Life appears complicated at times, but the knots tend to unravel if we remember to find, trust, remember, and share Real Love.
Replace your anger & confusion with peace and happiness.
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