August 16

Intensive Care

August 16, 2007

Personal Growth

As people attempt to implement the principles of Real Love, one of the more common problems they encounter is what they call “not enough time.” They complain that there just isn’t enough time for reading, watching the daily coaching segments on RealLove.com, participating in the chat rooms on the website, calling wise men and women, attending groups, going to seminars, and so on.

Typical is the letter I received from one woman, Lisa, who said, “Greg, I know I need to be spending more time with Real Love. I can already feel the difference in my life, but there are so many other demands on my time: my husband, my children, soccer games, this and that. I feel like there’s just no time for what I want to do most. What do you suggest?”

I address my response to all of us who feel like we just don’t have time for the important things. If you had a heart attack and were hospitalized in the Intensive Care Unit, what would happen to all those things you presently have to do? Who would take the kids to soccer? Who would fix the meals? Who would put in the overtime hours at work?

The answer? Who cares? If you were in a bed in Intensive Care, those other tasks just wouldn’t matter much, would they? And why not? Because saving your life would be such a high priority that no one would criticize you for letting the other things go.

People who are mired in emptiness and fear, and who are swallowed up in Getting and Protecting Behaviors, are every bit as sick as people who have suffered a heart attack. Emptiness and fear are utterly crippling, but because they often don’t cause physical pain, and because they don’t leave physical scars, we tend to diminish their seriousness. We recognize the need for hospitalization for a heart attack, but we trivialize the need for the emotional care necessary for those who have lacked Real Love all their lives.

If you’re in the process of finding Real Love, do whatever it takes to make that happen in your life. Participate in the chat rooms. Watch the daily coaching segments on RealLove.com. Make phone calls or personal visits every day until you find the Real Love you need. That may mean that you’ll have to say no to people who interfere with that process. Those people will often make you feel guilty that you’re spending time “on yourself” instead of seeing to their needs, but you must remember that until you feel more unconditionally loved yourself — and until you are capable of being more unconditionally loving — you won’t really have the ability to love the people around you and make a truly positive contribution to their lives. “Spending time” with people in the absence of Real Love does no one much good.

People will push you to pay more attention to them, but the irony is that if you ignore your own personal development, you can’t really help anyone, and in the process you become miserable yourself. Everyone loses.

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