We are taught to be afraid from a very early age, most of us from birth. And then we respond with unloving behaviors of our own, and a cycle perpetuates for the rest of our lives. Real Love is a way out. We can find love, trust it, remember it, and share it, and then we don’t have to endlessly react to old pain and fears.
But some people seem quite unable to stop the unloving choices—the craziness—even after being loved and taught. Why is that? Let’s look at the example of Irene, who had been in a Real Love group for a year and had worked with a coach for a long time. Despite the help, she trusted poorly, got angry at herself when she didn’t trust and continued the behaviors that had made her unhappy for decades.
“I just don’t trust,” she said.
“Oh, to the contrary, my dear,” I said. “You DO trust. You trust the lies you were taught in the past. For example, you were taught that you have to earn love. You believe that. You trust that, so you work as hard as you can to earn love. You were taught that the world is a painful, scary place. You trust that, so you protect yourself all the time. The list of lies you trust is endless, and they’re killing you.”
“So how do I change what I trust?”
“Look at the people who taught you the lies—your parents, siblings, teachers, friends. Do you know any of those people who are genuinely happy?”
“So what could they possibly know about happiness? How could they possibly have taught you the truth about how to find happiness?”
“No, they couldn’t. They were afraid and emotionally sick. In that condition, they lied to you about the world and about who you really were. They didn’t mean to lie, but they still did. So why choose to continue to believe them?”
“I don’t know.”
“No, you really don’t, but there is an answer. It’s a bit twisted, but you actually enjoy believing the crazy lies. You GET something from choosing to be crazy.”
“When you’re crazy, you don’t have to change. You don’t have to be responsible. You can just keep repeating the lies and the unhappiness and the victimhood. You’re familiar with that. You know how to do it, so you wrap yourself up in the craziness and avoid the risks of actually taking steps into the unknown of real happiness.”
Most of us cling steadfastly to what we know, even if it’s crazy and painful. We reason—quite unconsciously in almost every case—that the pain we know is better than taking the risk of new or more pain. But this reasoning eliminates all possibility of joy.
If we want to be genuinely happier, we have to make a conscious choice to let go of the craziness we’ve always known. We have to take risks. In the process, we will make mistakes. We’ll fail. We’ll hurt. But we’ll be moving out of a life of guaranteed misery toward a light we can barely comprehend at this point. The risks are small compared with the potential rewards.
Recover from your negative habits and beliefs!
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