Max and Linda came to see me at the end of a seminar. “How’s your relationship?” I asked Max.
“Fine,” he said. “Pretty good.”
“How about you?” I asked Linda. “How do you feel about your relationship?”
“He doesn’t ever listen to me,” she said. “He’s always doing something without me, he doesn’t look at me, and he never includes me. We have no intimacy at all.”
Max looked genuinely surprised, so I said, “This appears to be news to you.”
“Yeah.”
“So you thought your marriage was all right?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“Did you ever ASK Linda what she thought about your marriage?”
“No.”
A great many couples have very different opinions between them about their marriage. This can be avoided simply if one partner ASKS the other from time to time how they feel. It’s rarely wise for us to assume that we know what our partner thinks or how he or she feels.
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