How to Stop the Complaining.
In this video clip from a live seminar, Greg teaches you how to help others stop their complaining.
Why People Endlessly Complain
So, if somebody is telling their story or complaining and goes on and on, and be clear that the first time somebody speaks in Group, ‘on and on’ would be four-and-a-half minutes maybe, at most. The second time somebody comes to Group, ‘on and on’ is a minute. Are you're doing them a disservice? You're not trying to shut them up and so I reach out and touch them, because that gets their attention. They wonder, “What?” Try that sometime in Group.
Somebody's talking just reach out and touch them and they look at you like—they wonder what they've done wrong. “What?” You say, “Sweetie, you have told your story a thousand times to a thousand people and it's never helped you. So, you came here to learn to do something different. Different. I am NOT,” I emphasize this, “I am not trying to get you to shut up. If I was just trying to not hear you, I would just get up and walk out the door. I can solve this. I'm trying to help. I'm trying to show you.”
Do you know why people keep complaining, repeating themselves over and over? Nobody's listening! We go, “But I sat there.” And I've watched people do it. They go on and on and on for an hour and everybody's just sitting there listening and I'll turn to the person who is listening and say, “Do you realize that for, I don’t know, for an hour, you realize that in the last hour you haven't heard a single word that your partner said? Not a word. “Well, I've been sitting here.” Yeah, that's how my trees listen. No, that's just sitting there while sound waves bounce off you. That's not listening.
Listening Requires Distilling
So, somebody speaks for three minutes and then I say, “So nobody's ever cared about you, loved you, listened to you, supported you, nothing. And you feel alone and in pain all the time.” They look stunned. Do you know why? Because you heard them and it's the first time anybody has distilled their complaining into what matters, including them! You're doing them a huge favor. They don't understand their story! “Well, it's my story!” Kind of. You're really just repeating an old story from birth. It's just crap. Two sentences. And once people really feel heard, wow, it's great.
Don't, don't let people go on and on in your group. It's a huge mistake made everywhere. They take it over and then people who want to come to Group come there and go, “This is a downer.” Yeah, it is. No, a group has to be hopeful, uplifting, light. Does that help you in ways to stop them? Honey, I'm trying to help you see what you're actually saying and don't realize you've been saying for your whole life.
Learn how to truly listen and give others what they need.