When You’re Angry, You’re Drunk

When You're Angry, You're Drunk

Greg answers a question about how to stop yourself from being angry, in this snippet from a live seminar. 

The Importance of Seeing You Were Angry

(Participant) “In the heat of the moment. I lose track of being aware of my getting and protecting behaviors. After I had my explosive reaction or the trigger, afterwards, I'm seeing my truth, but I'd like to see it before the reaction.”

(Greg) The fact that you see it afterward, that's the thing. You know how many people in the middle of being angry go, “Oh, are those angels? I, I'm being unloving.” Nobody. I've only gotten recently to where I can go, “Oh, you're being a dumbass again.”

Trying to Talk to An Angry Person is Like Talking to a Drunk

People will call me while they're in the midst of a rage and I go, “It's like talking to a drunk.” I have good friends who are alcoholics, and if they call me while they're drinking, I just hang up because, I mean, they're not there. They don't remember they made the call. Anybody here familiar with 12 Step and AA? Don't talk to a drunk. You're an idiot. The drunk’s not an idiot, you are.

When you're angry, you're drunk. Any form of Imitation Love, drunk. Talk to somebody, would be a little awkward, while they're having sex and explain how the Imitation Love might be distracting. Can you imagine? Nope. See it afterward. Just see it. See it. Don't say, “I won't do that again.” Yeah, you will. Don't beat yourself up for it. Waste of time.

Tell Somebody Who Can Love You that You Were Angry

Tell somebody who can love you, “I was just a horse’s butt. I was angry and I tore my daughter's head off,” or whatever you did. Just listen to him go—they don't have to say, "I love you. I hardly ever say that— I just go, “Yeah, well, yeah, sure. Sure you did. What'd you learn? Anger sucks. It's poison. It's poop on my granola. Okay. The next time you are now less likely to do it because you see it and you feel more loved.” That’s it!

That's what you keep doing over and over and over and over and over and over. And then eventually you'll go, “I don't want to be angry this time.” I can still remember the feeling 20 years ago when an event happened that would always have made me angry. And I chose not to be. And afterward went, “Wow!” 40 years old. First time. I like it. Do you think it didn't motivate me more the next time? It takes what it takes.

“But I shouldn't do that again.” You ever seen that work? Every single time I shot up, I could shoot up in the dark while driving, wrap a tourniquet around my arm and while driving, shoot up. And I promised every time, I wouldn't do it again. Every single time I promised God, Angels, the universe, everybody I loved, "I will not do this again because it's that wrong." Pain rules. Just see it. No beatings, no beatings.

Learn more about eliminating your anger!



Anger Management

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About the author 

Greg Baer, M.D.

I am the founder of The Real Love® Company, Inc, a non-profit organization. Following the sale of my successful ophthalmology practice I have dedicated the past 25 years to teaching people a remarkable process that replaces all of life's "crazy" with peace, confidence and meaning in various aspects of their personal lives, including parenting, marriages, the workplace and more.