Phrases That Mislead, Part 7: “You Know I Love You”

In Real Love® groups, conference calls, and other Real Love® interactions, certain phrases have crept into use that are not consistent with the principles of Real Love®, or that might cause confusion by their use. Recently I began a discussion of such phrases (see the links below) and now we’ll continue. In this blog we will discuss one such phrase, "You know I love you." In subsequent blogs we’ll talk about some others. 

Phrases that Mislead, Part 6 
Phrases that Mislead, Part 5 
Phrases that Mislead, Part 4 
Phrases that Mislead, Part 3 
Phrases that Mislead, Part 2 
Phrases that Mislead, Part 1 

YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU 

When someone is clearly afraid—and therefore not trusting—sometimes a wise person might say:

“You know that I love you.”
“You know we all love you.”
“Everybody in this room—or on this call—loves you.”

The Danger of Possible Lies

These phrases sound potentially reassuring, but there are also problems:

• What if the first sentence is not true—or is perceived as not true? The fear of the “non-wise” person is clear evidence that he or she does NOT believe they’re being loved, so “You know that I love you” could easily be received as a lie. That would likely make the fearful person even more distrustful of the wise person and of the world as a whole.
• In any given group of people, it’s not likely that the second and third sentences will be true. Claiming to know that a roomful or call full of people are loving—unless you have closely polled all of them—is presumptuous stuff.

If people aren’t trusting already, lies—even the possibility of them—are quite dangerous.

Useful as a Reminder of a Real Connection

So, how can this phrase—or one like it—be used in a positive way?

If a wise man is certain that the other person HAS felt loved by him before, then saying “You know that I love you” could be a useful reminder, a potentially powerful way to help the other person remember past feelings of love and peace.

This may be enough to stop the slide downward into a pit of darkness and despair.