How Can I Keep My Relationship Together? – Top Ten #5

How Can I Keep My Relationship Together? – Top Ten #5  

Greg answers the common question asked by spouses, friends, partners, lovers, parents, "How can I keep my relationship together?" 


How Can I Keep My Relationship Together is the Wrong Question

Every day I receive communications from all over the world and one common theme is this: “I'm in a relationship,” the person writes or skypes or says, “I'm in a relationship that was once pretty rewarding, but things seem to be changing. My partner, my spouse, lover, friend, child, whoever, is becoming more distant or argumentative or demanding or something not good and we're just not as close as we once were. How can I keep our relationship together?” It's the wrong question.

Imagine that you and I are in a relationship, and I set a goal that our relationship will be better and of course, I have some ideas about how that will look. That sounds like a noble idea, doesn't it? What could be wrong with that, a better relationship? I'll tell you what's wrong with it. I've just set a goal that involves YOUR behavior. What if you don't want a better relationship with me, for example, or you don't want it to look quite like I do? Then if I persist in trying to improve our relationship in my way, I'm trying to control you and that just doesn't work, even if we're married, perhaps especially if we're married. 

Ask How You Can Be More Loving to Keep Your Relationship Together

This is a very important concept and one that very few people ever consider. So instead of “How can I keep our relationship together” what question should we be asking? We need to set goals that involve only ourselves, not the feelings or behavior of other people. So in a relationship that's falling apart what is a productive healthy goal? This is not complicated. 

What does a healthy relationship need more than anything else? Real Love. And this is something that we individually can always choose to bring to any relationship. In any relationship, then, our question should be, “How can I be more loving in this relationship?” That question changes everything.

When I ask that question, there's no blaming of my partner and no trying to change my partner. The goal is all about me. If you want spectacular relationships, always look for how you can be more loving. As you do that, you will bring to your relationships more of the one element that both you and your partner need most, and the effects of that contribution are beyond description.

I spoke to a couple once who began to read the Real Love book literally on their way to sign their divorce papers at the courthouse. They stopped on the side of the road, kept reading, went home, applied the principles and revolutionized their marriage. When just one person in a relationship begins to bring Real Love into the mix, miracles will happen. Now imagine what it's like when two people do that.

You will be very pleased at the effect of Real Love in your own life and in your relationships and I look forward to sharing a great deal more with you every day on

Real Love in Marriage

Find genuine happiness now and forever. 



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About the author 

Greg Baer, M.D.

I am the founder of The Real Love® Company, Inc, a non-profit organization. Following the sale of my successful ophthalmology practice I have dedicated the past 25 years to teaching people a remarkable process that replaces all of life's "crazy" with peace, confidence and meaning in various aspects of their personal lives, including parenting, marriages, the workplace and more.