As a group, kids would not be characterized as careful. They run faster than theyāre able, throw things without regard for where they might land, and speak words without consideration of their effect.
We have to hold children accountable (an external reporting to someone in authority), or they will not learn to be responsible (an internal choice to personally own a choice or task).
How to Hold Children Accountable
Ella, age four, wrote in permanent pink marker all over the favorite book of her brother, age seven. Mom tried to talk to Ella about how she had been unloving and not responsible, but, in Momās words, āShe didnāt seem to understand anything I was saying.ā
Testing Their Accountability
I began laughing. āDoes she hate it when other people take her things or break them?ā
āYes.ā
āThen she understands ownership and responsibility, at least in the form of not breaking things. When you give her a chore to do, and she hasnāt done it, what does she do when you find her and call her name?ā
āLooks guilty and looks down at the floor.ā
āSo she understands right and wrong, along with responsibility. She just played you, kid. She did the famous āinstantly stupidā act that kids use when they are avoiding responsibility by acting like they donāt understand you.ā
Intervene to Teach Accountability
āSo what can I do?ā
āSit her down in a room with just you and her, not with her brother there. Show her the book she wrote on, and say, āYou wrote on your brotherās book, and you know that was wrong. You broke it, so now I have to take something of yours away, so youāll remember not to do this again.ā
Then you take one of her favorite toys and explain that it will be gone now. You take it out of the room to a place where she wonāt find it. Then you return, hug her, and say, āYou canāt write on other peopleās things. You canāt break their things either.ā"
Success in Teaching Accountability
Mom did exactly as I had recommended and called: āI can hardly believe it, but she got it. After I took her toy, she burst into tears and said, āCan I say good-bye to my bunny (her toy)?ā And then she said she knew it wasnāt loving to write on her brotherās book. Later she talked to her brotherāon her ownāand told him she was wrong and should have written on paper instead.ā
When it suits them, children often act like they donāt understand a principle. Before you fall for that trick, assess their overall knowledge. They understand more than we think, and we need to hold them accountable for what they know.
It will greatly bless their lives.
You can do this, so let's get started.
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