The word "okay" is used so frequently in our everyday conversations that we often take it for granted.
However, this seemingly simple word can hold a multitude of meanings, depending on the context and the speaker's underlying emotions.
By understanding the various interpretations of this word, we can improve our communication skills and build stronger relationships.
We are often careless with our words, and some of them are so laden with negative meanings that we cause great harm without realizing it.
Recently I began a discussion of such words,
Words That Matter Part 4: No, Not
Words That Matter Part 3: I Don't Like
Words That Matter Part 2: Can't
Words That Really Matter: Should
and now we will continue with:
The Many Faces of "Okay"
There are many ways to say this:
āOkay.ā
āMm-hm.ā
Silence.
āI see.ā
āYeah.ā
Regrettably, āokayā can have a great variety of meanings, and unless we are sensitive to the tone of the person saying itāoften along with their history and the context of the conversationāwe may have no idea what is meant when āokayā is spoken.
Beyond the Surface: Understanding Underlying Emotions
A few of the possible meanings might include the following:
- āI understand, and I agree with the concept youāre explaining or the instructions youāre giving.ā This is usually the meaning of āokayā we WANT to hear, even though often that is not the meaning at all, so great misunderstandings can occur.
- āI understand, but I donāt agree with a word youāve said. On the other hand, I donāt really want to get into a discussion with youāeither because I donāt feel like it, or because you never listen anywayāso Iāll just mumble āokayā to minimize further conversation.ā
- āI feel backed into a corner. I feel criticized and attacked. I hate everything you just said, but I also know that if I defend myself, Iāll loseāpartly because I lack the skill, and also because what you just said is RIGHT. So Iāll just lie, and because you want to believe Iāve listened and agree with you, youāll be more likely to go away.ā On many occasions people have asked me what they need to learn next, but after carefully explaining what they need to know and do, they conclude that they have no interest in learning or changing. Theyāre not going to listen to a word I said, but to avoid conflict, they say nothing, or they mumble, āokay.ā Itās a cowardās way out of a difficult though meaningful conversation, but it often works, which is why they use it.
- āIāll do what you want, but I really donāt want to.ā In this case, āokayā is usually muttered with a distinctly resigned or even sarcastic tone.
- āOh, how I wish you would shut up. Iām hating every second of this conversation, and Iād do anything to make it stop. Maybe if I say āOkayā youād feel like Iām agreeing with youāor at least listeningāand youād stop talking.ā
The Importance of Empathy
In other words, if weāre not alert to the state of mind of the other person, their saying āokayā could be meaningless or confusing. We need to be sensitive to what other people are saying, or weāll misinterpret entirely a simple āokay.ā
In future blogs weāll discuss more words that have a much greater negative effect than we realize or intend.