As a parenting coach, I've witnessed countless transformations in how parents view and address their children's behaviors.
Recently, I had a profound conversation with a father who shared his eye-opening experience from our Parenting Training.
His journey from treating symptoms to addressing root causes is not just inspiring—it's a testament to the power of understanding and love in parenting.
In this article, I'll share his insights and our discussion, hoping to illuminate a path for other parents struggling with similar challenges.
Moving Beyond Just Treating Symptoms
A father wrote:
What I’m learning in the Parenting Training is having a profound effect on me.
Greg: Pretty fun to see learning actually make a difference in real life, isn't it? This learning is not just an intellectual exercise.
Dad: In response to pain and the emotional and behavioral issues that follow, almost everyone is only treating symptoms and not the root cause of the problems.
Greg: No kidding. All day long we whack away at the weeds (pain and unacceptable behaviors), tearing off the tops and leaving the roots, in the process guaranteeing that the weeds will reappear even stronger and more numerous.
Dad: With our kids, I have always tried to modify their behavior or reduce their pain.
Greg: Of course. You HAD to do something, and your efforts were all you knew.
Recognizing Pain as the Root Cause
Dad: But their behaviors are only the expressions of their pain. For example, we used to think that our daughter Nora had ADHD, so we would look for remedies for ADHD so she could feel more "normal" and behave differently. What a huge shift it is to see her "ADHD" as a response to pain and to be able to address the root cause by loving and teaching her.
Greg: Wow, Dad, that’s a huge change in perspective for you, one that very few parents are willing to entertain at all.
Rethinking ADHD: The Cycle of Pain and Behavior
Dad: Instead of seeing her as having a disorder, I could see that she was actually reacting "normally" to the pain she was experiencing. And because we didn’t understand the root cause, we didn’t give her what she wanted, and she continued to react to the pain with unacceptable behavior. Then she was treated even less lovingly by others, and I'm sure she felt more broken and defective.
Greg: If more parents had your clarity, the suffering of children would be exponentially reduced.
Embracing a New Parenting Paradigm
Dad: How sad this is to me. It seems that everyone is just treating symptoms rather than learning what the root cause of a behavioral issue is, followed by helping the person heal the real issue. This is blowing my mind!!!
Greg: Only because you are willing to be vulnerable and see life differently. You’re willing to learn and grow, not a common trait. Congratulations, kid. Nice work.
