For many years I have periodically offered assistance to a woman in my hometown who would otherwise be unable to completely care for herself. She suffers from bipolar disorder, morbid obesity, chronic arthritis of her knees, and a general sense of victimhood that prevents her from ever taking responsibility for her own decisions. She hasnāt held a job in years, and thereās no way she ever could. Sheās only sixty-three years old, but she acts twenty years older.
Recently I accompanied her to the Social Security office, where they planned to conduct a review hearing to determine whether they would continue to send the disability checks she depends on. After waiting for some time, we participated in the hearing, which went well, but during the interview it was discovered that an additional interview would be required, to determine what Social Security benefits she should be receiving and how those would affect her disability payments.
We were told that weād have to wait another forty minutes or so to see the next counselor, and again we began our wait in the lobby. After only five minutes, the counselor came to the door and called my friendās name. We went back through the maze of offices, but before we began the interview I said, āFirst Iād like to complain that we didnāt get to wait nearly long enough.ā
The counselor looked at me as though Iād lost my mind, so I continued, smiling all the while in such a way that she would know I was joking with her: āWhen we sat down in the waiting room, we were told that weād be waiting for forty minutes, and you came to get us after only five, so I just wanted you to know that Iām a little disappointed that you were so fast.ā
She smiled and said, āWe donāt hear many complaints like that.ā
āThatās my point,ā I said. āPeople always complain when they have to wait too long, so itās only fair that I complain when I have to wait too little.ā
āWell, thanks for your complaint,ā she said. And she couldnāt have been nicer to us throughout the interview.
Most of us tend to be very quick on the draw when complaining about what we donāt like or screaming about things that arenāt āfair,ā but weāre not nearly as vocal when things do go the way weād like, and thatās a huge mistake. When we fail to give equal emotional weight to the good things in our life, we miss much of the pleasure we might have enjoyed. Thereās another way to say this: When we fail to be grateful, we canāt be as happy.
Weāre surrounded by opportunities to be grateful and happy. Theyāre everywhere, and weād enjoy our lives so much more if weād simply notice them. When youāre in traffic, instead of fussing about the delays, be grateful that you have a car at all, and that youāre not walking. When youāre waiting in the doctorās office, quit griping about the wait. Take a book and be grateful for the quiet time you have for reading. When a loved one dies, of course youāre sad at their loss. But donāt spend the rest of your life grieving about it. Be grateful for the love and joy you did share with that person.
The opportunities for gratitude are everywhere. Enjoy them ā and, while youāre at it, express them to others. People love to hear them.