10 Tips for Attracting Real Love into Your Life

By Greg Baer M.D.

May 2, 2023

Need for Love

Love Is All You Need

Do we need love? Are you kidding me? Even the Beatles knew that: “All you need is love,” they sang. Deep down we all know that too.

And the evidence for it is overwhelming. In the longest mental health study ever done, the lead researcher—George Vaillant —said, “Happiness is love. Period.” The people who had loving connections with others were found to be happier and healthier in every way. We NEED love in a way just as essential as we need food, water, and air.

Why We Need Love

Why You Need Love

When I Need Love

Love is a palpable POWER in the universe. When there is sufficient love, there is NO fear, anger, complaining, injustice, racism, violence, or any number of other problems we see or hear about every day. That sounds like an impossible dream, but it’s not.

After thirty years of teaching people about Real Love—or unconditional love—I can state with absolute certainty that there is no power greater than love. Oh, and it’s also the greatest fun imaginable. Love breeds confidence, cooperation, and creativity.

We all need this love. Now. Always. We need love more than anything, and without it we WILL be in pain. We feel small and helpless, and we HATE that.

Need Somebody Who Can Love Me

I Need Love but Can't Find it

Wait a minute! If love is what I need, then why have I not found it? Why can I not find somebody who can truly love me?

Oh, that’s easy to answer, but it also begins the most rigorous and rewarding journey of your life.

Almost none of us know that what we’re looking for is not just any kind of love. What we all need is UNCONDITIONAL love, or Real Love®, which means to care about another person without any thought for something in return. There is no disappointment or irritation in Real Love.

What??!! A relationship with zero disappointment or anger? Imagine that. The thought is nearly preposterous to us, which PROVES that we have little to no familiarity with such love. You didn’t get that kind of love—with no disappointment or anger—so you don’t know how to look for it in another person. You don’t know how to give it to a partner either. How do I know that you didn’t receive unconditional love?

Remember in your childhood how many times:

  • your parents or others rolled their eyes at your mistakes?
  • they criticized your performance, especially with a “tone?”
  • they told you they were disappointed in you—with their words, their facial expression? Or the occasions when you just needed to talk to someone, but there was no one there.

On all of these occasions, we were not feeling unconditionally loved—whether aggressively or by simple neglect—and we FELT the message, “I don’t love you.” Really. It was like being poked with a sharp stick. 

Because we lack Real Love®, naturally we look for the excitement of anything that makes us feel good: praise, physical beauty, sexual attraction, sex, money, drama, social media, and on and on. But none of these things helps us find someone who can share an unconditionally loving relationship with us.

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So What Can I Do?

What are 10 Powerful Ways to Attract Real Love into Your Life?

What Are the Indispensable Tips to Find Real Love? 

Tip #1 for Attracting Real Love into Your Life: Learn more about what Real Love® is.

Almost none of us has experienced enough unconditional love—no disappointment or irritation—to have the capacity to identify it consistently. Not even close. So how could we possibly see it in another person? How could we find it in a potential partner? How could we GIVE it as a partner to another person? No chance.

But we can LEARN what Real Love is. The work has been done. We don’t have to wander in the wilderness for decades trying to figure out this mystery.

And here are some resources for learning about Real Love:

  • Go to RealLove.com and learn a great deal more about Real Love. On the site:
  • Get the Real Love® Boot Camp, a wonderful synopsis of Real Love and summary of practical ways to find it.
  • Watch the hundreds of free videos.
  • Read from hundreds of blogs.
  • Go to the Real Love YouTube channel and watch hundreds of videos about Real Love.
  • Go to RealLoveParents.com and learn how Real Love can be practically and effectively used to raise loving, responsible, and happy children. Nearly half of single people looking for love also have children.

Tip #2: Don’t settle for anything less than the real thing.

The distractions of the world are beyond describing, and they’re accelerating. Every day we’re bombarded with messages and images that promote glamor, sexual attraction, pleasure, social media, money, power, and more. All those things ARE exciting. They’re fun, and in the absence of Real Love, we strongly tend to use them to soothe and excite us. But then we’re distracted—often fatally so—from finding the Real Love we really want.

Tip #3: Tell the truth about yourself.

On dating sites, in dating books, on social media, and EVERYWHERE, what is the conventional wisdom?

  • Look your best.
  • Be sensitive to the interests of the other person so you can say the “right” things.
  • Look attractive.
  • Go on dates that excite you.
  • Find somebody who makes you feel good.
  • Learn how to have great sex.
  • Give compliments freely

These recommendations—and many more—are straight off the most highly accessed dating sites. And you’re afraid not to follow them, afraid that you’ll be swiped left and left out.

But what do you really want? You want a partner who can understand and unconditionally love YOU. If you TRY to look your best, if you WORK at being attractive, you’re not being yourself. And then you can’t find that unconditional love you’re looking for.

So how DO you tell the truth about yourself?         

  • Read this blog about Truth Telling. This is one of MANY links to the subject of “Truth, telling” in the Master Index.
  • Get The Essentials of Real Love streaming video, a wonderful synopsis of Real Love and summary of practical ways to find it. Use the optional Workbook to ensure you take the lessons personally.
  • Join one of our five weekly free Real Love Conference Calls, hosted by certified Real Love Coaches.
  • Go to RealLoveParents.com and learn how Real Love can be practically and effectively used to raise loving, responsible, and happy children. Nearly half of single people looking for love also have children.

Tip #4: Don’t try to make a relationship happen.

This is exactly opposite from what the entire dating environment teaches: “Grab hold of whoever comes near and get whatever love you can.”

Wrong. You can’t get to know someone until they have told the truth about themselves for quite some time, nor can they get to know you until you have done the same.

So, don’t MAKE a relationship happen. No, instead keep telling the truth. Practice caring and being cared for. Keep investigating WHETHER a loving relationship is even POSSIBLE.

In relationships, we strongly tend to avoid mistakes. Wrong again. Tell the truth and make mistakes as much as possible, so you can DISCOVER whether you can HAVE a genuine relationship. It’s way more efficient to find out in the first five minutes of a date that a good relationship is not possible than to discover that after ten years and three kids.

Tip #5: Make friends before looking for a partner.

Before you even consider a dating relationship or potential lifelong partnership, you want to practice all of these tips with potential FRIENDS. It’s much less traumatic to lose acquaintances than to lose partners.

In fact, although these tips appear to be primarily for dating—for finding a partner—you can use all of them to find good friends. A recent study indicated that 60% of American regularly experience loneliness, which causes a significantly greater risk of suicide, as well as causing poor physical health as much as smoking half a pack of cigarettes daily. 

Tip #6: Cast your net widely.

We need all the Real Love we can find. Talk to people everywhere:

  • social media
  • church
  • recovery meetings
  • school
  • work
  • dating sites
  • in the store
  • anywhere

Read the list of resources on the RealLove.com website, and you’ll learn WHAT to say to people. You’ll learn how to gather the kind of meaningful relationships you want.

Tip #7: Learn What to Say to Potential Partners.

“HOW do I tell the truth about myself? What do I say?” Everybody has those questions. Again:

  • Read or listen to the book Real Love in Dating.
  • Download the Real Love® in Dating Ultimate Guide and get the confidence you’ll need to develop a happy relationship.
  • Watch this video (it’s one on MANY) from the YouTube “Dating” Playlist.
  • Read through the references in the Master Index on the subject of “Dating”.
  • Go to RealLoveParents.com and learn how Real Love can be practically and effectively used to raise loving, responsible, and happy children. Nearly half of single people looking for love also have children.

From these resources you’ll learn what to say that will greatly increase your opportunities to connect with people.

Tip #8: Learn What to Look for in Potential Partners.

The resources I’ve discussed will tell you what to look for in partners, but let me summarize briefly. You’re looking for friends and partners:

  • who can tell the truth about THEMSELVES to you as you’re being truthful to them.
  • who can easily admit being WRONG. People who insist on being right are often unteachable.
  • who are willing to study any Real Love material with you, or just discuss it with you.
  • who don’t easily get angry. Angry people are very afraid and difficult to connect with.

There are many qualities to look for, but those are the most important.

Tip #9: Feel Your Feelings, but Don’t Make Decisions While Excited or Afraid or Angry.

In today’s world, feelings and opinions have become elevated to the same plane as the TRUTH. That’s a huge mistake. This is not to invalidate feelings. I am saying, though, that until you feel unconditionally loved and consistently peaceful, how you feel in a given moment can be confusing.

  • You might think you’re in love, for example, when you’re just excited. Not the same.
  • You might think you’re connecting with someone when you’re just feeling flattered.
  • You might feel certain about a relationship, when really you’re just afraid to be alone.

You won’t know your real feelings until you feel consistently peaceful as a result of being unconditionally loved—first by friends.

Tip #10: Practice, Practice, Practice.

As with any worthwhile effort, finding and keeping Real Love requires practice, practice, practice. Practice all the tips above every day. There is nothing in your life more valuable than unconditional love. Make it happen, over and over. As you do, you’ll feel happier, and you’ll get much better at identifying Real Love vs the many imitation of love: excitement, praise, power, sexual attraction, and more.

I’m dedicated to helping you find the Real Love you want, need, and deserve. You really can do this.

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About the author 

Greg Baer, M.D.

I am the founder of The Real Love® Company, Inc, a non-profit organization. Following the sale of my successful ophthalmology practice I have dedicated the past 25 years to teaching people a remarkable process that replaces all of life's "crazy" with peace, confidence and meaning in various aspects of their personal lives, including parenting, marriages, the workplace and more.

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