Why Do I Feel Bad When I am Wrong?

Why Do I Feel Bad When I'm Wrong? 

This “Nugget” is a short segment from Video Chat 384. In this segment Greg helps a woman understand why she feels bad when she is wrong. 

You equated wrong with being bad. That's it. They're not the same. We all do this. So, every single person listening to me right now, this is about you. She equated wrong with bad and they're not the same. 

I continued, “You are wrong to her.” This was a really serious conflict she was having with her sister and she wanted to prove she was right.

I said, “You're wrong about your interaction with your sister, about being right with me. About missing the point of living, which is joy, not being right.” I said, “You are wrong in well, 100 ways, but you're not bad.” I repeated that with her. “You're wrong in all these ways.” And I listed a bunch. “But honey, not bad. Just learning.”

I said, “You hate being wrong because then you're out of control.” That's how she finds safety in her life. “The world is unbalanced and unfair when you're out of control and you hate that.” She actually used the words ‘unbalanced and unfair.’ 

She said, “Well, why do I do this?”

“Simple. Because as a child, the world was out of your control. And when it was unfair and unbalanced, because your mother controlled everything. When you control somebody else, it's not a unilateral deal. It's not just, ‘you feel in control.’ We always feel in control at the EXPENSE of somebody else. So, I feel in control, and as a result, you feel demeaned and bad and unloved and afraid and wounded. And on it goes. That's how I maintain my control, is by making you less.

And I said to her, “That's why you feel bad when you're wrong.”