The Cycle of Worthlessness and Shame

By Greg Baer M.D.

July 24, 2015

We can understand human behavior by going back to a process discussed in a great many places in Real Love literature:
Event ➝ Judgment ➝ Feeling ➝ Reaction. The events in our lives—especially the early events—formed patterns in our minds that eventually qualified as firm and lasting judgments. If, for example, we were raised in a household lacking Real Love—which is the case with nearly everyone—all those unloving events caused us to FEEL empty and afraid, which caused us to form the judgment that life overall was painful and empty.

As we consistently lacked Real Love in our lives, we could conclude only that we were not WORTH loving. We judged—however unconsciously—that we were WORTHLESS. That judgment then affects everything we feel and do.

Now, imagine standing up in a roomful of people and declaring that you’re worthless. How would you feel? You’d feel deep shame. Worthless is the judgment, while shame is the accompanying feeling.

How do we react to pain and shame? We can’t see how WE caused these conditions, so we naturally feel victimized and act like victims.

Moreover, the more we feel shame and act like victims, the more pathetic—worthless—we judge ourselves to be. And the cycle continues: worthless ➝ shame ➝ victimhood ➝ more worthlessness, and so on.

In summary:
Worthless is a judgment.
Shame is a feeling.
Victimhood is a reaction.

And these conditions all perpetuate and aggravate each other. Simply understanding this enables us to take a powerful step forward in changing our lives. Once we feel truly unconditionally loved—by even one person—we COULD NOT be worthless. Then gone are the shame and victimhood, and the entire cycle stops. 

Keep in mind that this is not an intellectual process. It must begin with FEELING loved unconditionally. And thus our lives are revolutionized.

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About the author 

Greg Baer, M.D.

I am the founder of The Real Love® Company, Inc, a non-profit organization. Following the sale of my successful ophthalmology practice I have dedicated the past 25 years to teaching people a remarkable process that replaces all of life's "crazy" with peace, confidence and meaning in various aspects of their personal lives, including parenting, marriages, the workplace and more.

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