What a Child Needs

By Greg Baer M.D.

October 9, 2023


William Wallace was a 13th-century Scottish leader who attempted to throw the English out of Scotland. He gave his energy and passionā€”and eventually his lifeā€”to free Scotland from English oppression. But many of the noblemen had titles and lands that had been given to them by the English king, and they didnā€™t want to risk losing all that with a rebellion. 

Wallace negotiated and even begged, but he could not persuade the nobles to come together. As this is depicted in the movie Braveheart, Wallace shouted, ā€œYouā€™re so concerned with squabbling for scraps from the kingā€™s table, that youā€™ve missed your God-given right to something far better.ā€  

A Child's Basic Needs

And so we have done as parents. It is our God-given right to love our children unconditionallyā€”without disappointment or angerā€”and teach them how to feel loved, to be loving, and to be responsible. Such children DO become happy and fulfilled. But how can we give this kind of loveā€”Real Loveā€”when we ourselves have rare seen or felt it, if ever? How?  

When A Child's Basic Needs Aren't Met

We canā€™t, and because our children are starving for this kind of love that they need most, they react by doing whatever they can to treat their existential pain: whining, anger, fighting, anxiety, addiction to phones and video games, failure in school, rebellion, lack of responsibility, depression, eating disorders, pornā€”you know, all that kid stuff that destroys their happiness. These behaviors kill them emotionally, spiritually, in relationships. 

We see and feel their pain, and we TRY to diminish their pain. We give them screens, entertainment, clothing, and so much moreā€”all COMFORTS to pacify them. But in so doing, we are settling for SCRAPS from our children and from lifeā€”as Wallace said to the scrabbling nobles. We settle for our childrenā€™s APPROVAL and quiet, when we could be giving them a kind of glorious happiness that we can scarcely imagine.  

Learn How to Meet Your Child's Basic Needs

Oh, but how can we do this for our children? How can we find what William Wallace called ā€œour God-given right to much better?ā€ We donā€™t have to figure it out. We can learn principles that have been proven effective for children of all ages and cultures. Go to RealLoveParents.com and learn. Learn how to stop settling for scraps. Learn how to love and teach your children.  

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About the author 

Greg Baer, M.D.

I am the founder of The Real LoveĀ® Company, Inc, a non-profit organization. Following the sale of my successful ophthalmology practice I have dedicated the past 25 years to teaching people a remarkable process that replaces all of life's "crazy" with peace, confidence and meaning in various aspects of their personal lives, including parenting, marriages, the workplace and more.

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