I once saw a young man, 19, who was obviously unhappy. He was drinking regularly, having sex with a number of women, sleeping long hours and often missing his college classes and shifts at his part-time job.
I attempted to create an atmosphere where he could trust and feel loved. I asked how his life was working for him, and he said everything was āfine.ā He was there only because his parents thought he needed some help. I pointed out the behaviors that clearly were not working for him, but he continued to maintain that he was fine. He said he didnāt need any help.
I asked how he got to Georgia, and he said heād flown on a plane with his parents. āSo,ā I asked, āwhat if youād had trouble in the air on the way here? What if the plane had rapidly descended with a possibility of crashing? Would you have rushed to the cockpit to give your advice, or would you have stayed in your seat and left it to the pilot to figure out?ā
āThe pilot,ā he said.
āWhy?ā
āBecause he has a lot more experience.ā
āYes,ā I said, āby thousands of times. And I have that much more experience than you do with life. Iām telling you with absolute certainty that your life isnāt āfine.ā Youāre just surviving, and youāre not that far from crashing either. Iām giving you an opportunity to be a thousand times happier than you are now. You donāt even know what Iām talking about, but itās still true.ā
āI donāt want to do it.ā
āWhatās the down side? Whatās the risk? Why not at least find out what it would be like to be happier?ā
āI donāt want to talk about feelings, or do any of that touchy stuff.ā
āBecause?ā
āBecause itās uncomfortable.ā
I described how I had once lived in the jungle for two years, and how sometimes we ate live tree grubsāessentially like worms but shorter and fatter. āWhat if I paid you a million dollars to eat a worm. Would you?ā I asked.
āSure.ā
āBut Iām telling you that I can help you be a thousand times happier than you are nowāworth a lot more than a million dollarsāand you wonāt put up with being just a little āuncomfortable?āā
He refused. There simply is no way to change the direction of our livesāto genuinely growāwithout some stretching and faith, which are always uncomfortable to some degree. In order to get what want, sometimes we just have to eat some worms. If weāre not willing, the greatest rewards of life remain out of our reach.