When I talk to people who are unhappy, uniformly they are riddled with fear.
Fear infects them like a cancer and distorts everything they see and feel, which then produces behaviors that greatly add to their unhappiness.
The reflex response to fear is to protect ourselves, but that succeeds only in creating an atmosphere of defensiveness and more fear. What is the solution to this deadly cycle?
Ironically, only TRUST eliminates fear—mostly trust in the love of at least one other person.
COMPLETE trust.
Fear's Grip: Why Trust is the Key
Why is this so important? Once you have completely trusted in the love of just ONE person, the entire world changes.
If one person utterly, unconditionally loves you:
- You can’t be unlovable.
- You can’t be worthless.
- You’re not alone.
- You have what you’ve been looking for all your life.
- The world ceases to be the painful frightening place it always has been.
- The pain and fear in your life evaporate like dew upon the rising of the sun.
Real trust, though, is best done in one great leap. Decide to thoroughly trust one person no matter what.
Trust that they will love you. Sure, they’ll make mistakes, but that’s when you trust them MORE.
If you withdraw your trust at any indication of threat, then your trust is meaningless. In a condition of fear, you’ll naturally FIND reasons to distrust, even if they’re not real.
I’ve written elsewhere about how to trust, and you might find that useful at this point.
Beyond Proof: Embracing Radical Trust
Make the decision one time to trust completely.
The alternative is to trust people only when they’ve PROVEN that they’re trustworthy.
That just doesn’t work, because people are fallible. They make mistakes. And even if they didn’t, if we’re fearful and untrusting we’d CREATE reasons to justify our not trusting them.
If I decide to trust you only if you’re always trustworthy, that’s not trust at all. It’s nothing.
A woman wrote to me recently, saying, “Since beginning the exploration of Real Love, I have had moments where I’ve felt SO LOVED that I can stick out my tongue and feel it in the air of the room, and yet an hour later I have completely discounted love, feeling as empty & afraid as ever. This has not been a happy way to live. Then I remembered something you said in a seminar once. After Columbus touched the New World just ONE time, that altered the world maps forever. Subsequent explorers didn’t need to re-prove the existence of this new land. No, it was an established fact, and millions of people came to the New World as a result of their trusting it.
“In the past I have required that people perform and prove their love for me, and I performed to earn it. But then you proved your love for me beyond all doubt, and when I doubted anyway, you asked me if I could remember the times I had felt loved by you. I could not deny them. They happened. They were real. You taught me to trust that you REALLY love me, that it’s a FACT that doesn’t have to be established over and over. Victor Frankl once wrote that one moment of faith can retroactively flood an entire life with meaning.
“Requiring proof of love kept me a slave—an addict always suffering and obsessing over where my next ‘fix’ was gonna come from. But truly trusting that I’m loved—one time, thoroughly, completely, accepting it as a fact, like gravity—totally sets me COMPLETELY FREE to be happy. I finally feel SECURE in the present moment. NO need to obsess, worry or continuously monitor and evaluate whether or not I'm STILL being loved—which had produced only a constant fear, insecurity, and hypervigilance. This complete trust makes ALL the difference. It’s a different UNIVERSE! I finally feel alive. It took me forever to get this realization, but once I see it, it looks like DUH!”
Conclusion
It’s all about trusting. Sure, you want to choose someone to trust who demonstrates at least some evidence of having that ability—you wouldn’t just choose someone randomly off the street to love you—but we must trust if we wish to be happy.
It’s a bit unfamiliar in the beginning, but the rewards are infinite.
Trust that you are loved & experience great peace and happiness.
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