Ten Steps to Being HAPPY!

By Greg Baer M.D.

September 23, 2016

I received the following email from Eileen, someone whose life has significantly transformed since adopting the principles and practices of unconditional love. I am NOT advocating that other people “should” follow the pattern described by Eileen, just indicating some of the possibilities available to all of us. I will leave her statements as she wrote them, and then comment below each one, as indicated by a double asterisk (**):

How I remember that I'm loved

1. Blanket

When I went to my intervention with Greg, I took a blanket with me and used this blanket when I was being held and loved. When I forget that I am loved, I stop, wrap myself in this blanket and remember the actual physical experience of being held and loved.

**We LOVE to be physically touched. We are physical beings, and touch energizes us, connects us, and makes us feel more alive. We NEED it. As another person once said to me, “When you hold me, the love bypasses my head and goes straight to my heart, where I can feel it.” If we’ve never been loved, or physically held, it’s difficult—or impossible—for us to imagine that love. But once we’ve experienced unconditional love and physical touch, we can REMEMBER it. Stirring up these memories can be potent, as described by Elaine. She uses a blanket. We can use any number of things for the same purpose.

2. I wear a cross, an anchor, and a heart on a necklace. 

I hold the anchor and the heart and tell myself I am anchored in love.

**A mother once wrote me that her daughter felt frightened at school because her teacher was intimidating and unkind. Following my suggestion, she took her daughter to a creek bed, where the girl chose a rock that would remind her of her mother’s love. Then they both cut out a small picture of the mother, and the daughter took the picture and the rock to school. Whenever the little girl needed a reminder of her mother’s love, she touched the rock with her hand and took out the picture for a brief look. Her classroom fears disappeared.

3. Repeat the 5 Truths

Once the feeling of being loved starts, I say the 5 truths to strengthen what I am now believing.

**Truth is rarely static. If we don’t nourish it, it fades from our memory or even becomes distorted. Eileen benefits enormously from remembering, “My daddy loves me. God loves me, so I’m never alone. I have everything I need. I’m so grateful.”

4. Remember my mother

I have a tattoo of my mom's favorite flower on my wrist, so I kiss that tattoo, as I say, "Hi Mom, I love you." Then I imagine her kissing and loving me.

**This is a combination of all the above reminders. Eileen uses the tattoo because it was already there. You don’t need to rush out and get one.

5. Self Introspection

I may ask myself, "What is the lie that you are believing?"

**On many occasions we have discussed this process: Event ➝ Judgment ➝ Feeling ➝ Reaction. Our feelings follow the judgments we make. If we’re unhappy, we’ve already made judgments that we’re going to be hurt in a way that makes happiness impossible. But happiness is a choice, if we have been sufficiently loved and taught. Once we receive enough love and have been taught more loving choices, we discover that our negative feelings are based on lies we’ve been taught from early childhood. We can learn to become increasingly proficient at identifying our lies, which makes us much more powerful in choosing happiness.

6. Self-talk

Sometimes I'll gently say, "Stop scaring yourself."

**See #5 above. When we choose to believe lies—however unconsciously—we are causing our own fears. We are scaring ourselves. We can learn to choose not to do that. The basis of our fears is much like monsters under our beds. Neither are real.

7. Real Love Pearls cards

I might read a Pearl card.

**The more we immerse ourselves in loving principles, the more grounded we become. The Real Love Pearl cards are excellent distillations of the most important principles of Real Love.

8. I text Greg

**Simply in the act of texting someone who loves us, we can feel ourselves reaching out emotionally to that person. It’s an act of faith, and often that act alone renews our connection to that person, whether they respond or not.

9. H.O.P.E.

I remind myself of H.O.P.E.—Hold On, Pain Ends—telling myself that this particular pain is from the past, an old wound that is now healing.

**When we realize that our pain comes from old wounds, the sting of events in the present fades considerably. It also helps to know that almost all pain eventually fades under the influence of love. In short, “This too shall pass.”

10. I start saying what I am grateful for and why.

**Gratitude is a quantum leap in consciousness. While we’re grateful, we can’t be angry, afraid, alone, or unhappy. The blessings of this condition are innumerable, as described in more detail in the following  blogs:

I Have a Complaint
True Gratitude

We don’t need to go looking for happiness. We need only take the steps toward feeling loved, being loving, and being responsible—consistently. Once we have found this happiness, we need to consciously maintain this precious gift in every way we can—ten of which we just discussed.

Real Love book

Replace your pain & confusion with peace and happiness.


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About the author 

Greg Baer, M.D.

I am the founder of The Real Love® Company, Inc, a non-profit organization. Following the sale of my successful ophthalmology practice I have dedicated the past 25 years to teaching people a remarkable process that replaces all of life's "crazy" with peace, confidence and meaning in various aspects of their personal lives, including parenting, marriages, the workplace and more.

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