Special Love

By Greg Baer M.D.

August 18, 2014

Personal Growth

Years ago, it was obvious that one of my children was unhappy with me. I couldn't recall having done anything offensive, so I asked what was wrong.

“I feel like you don’t really care about me,” he said.

“What makes you say that?” I asked.

With a bitter tone he continued, “You don’t love me any better than you love all those ‘Real Love people.’

“So what you’re saying is that I should give everyone else my B-grade love, but save the real stuff—the A-grade stuff—just for you. Do I have that right?”

He felt a bit silly, and we got through that moment.

Many people have complained that there was nobody they could really trust or feel loved by except me. I suppose I could feel flattered by such words, but I’m not, because I know what they really mean, and it’s not about me.

If we have felt unloved and worthless for a lifetime, the pain is intolerable. It’s understandable that we would conclude—unconsciously, mind you—that the cure for feeling worthless is to feel special. We’d want to find someone special—a husband, a parent, a boss, the author of the Real Love books—whose “special” love will fill the enormous vacuum of our lives.

Regrettably, our insistence on special love makes it nearly impossible to feel unconditional love, because we have to prove ourselves to be special in order to earn this special love.

What’s the solution to this need for special love? Simply to realize that we don’t need special love to fill our emptiness. We need only ENOUGH love—unconditional, genuine love. We need to just be ourselves—mistakes, weaknesses, and all—and accept the love we find from flawed people who are loving us as well as they can. And if we thoroughly trust them, our emptiness will be filled.

When we’re thirsty, we don’t need special water, just water. With love we need only to find it, drink it, trust it, treasure it, and remember it. And that’s how we find happiness.

Real Love book

Replace your anger & confusion with peace and happiness.


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About the author 

Greg Baer, M.D.

I am the founder of The Real Love® Company, Inc, a non-profit organization. Following the sale of my successful ophthalmology practice I have dedicated the past 25 years to teaching people a remarkable process that replaces all of life's "crazy" with peace, confidence and meaning in various aspects of their personal lives, including parenting, marriages, the workplace and more.

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