As a parenting coach, I often encounter parents like Marcia, who sit before me in tears, feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. I want to share with you the conversation we had about our need for unconditional love to nurture our relationships.
Understanding Emotional Exhaustion
Marcia sat in front of me crying. āI want to love my children! I want to love my husband! I read the books, and I try to do what they say, but after a short time, I empty out and go right back to being impatient and frustrated.ā
The Truck Analogy: Power Without Fuel
āYou are a beautiful, new truck,ā I said.
āWhat?ā she asked. Clearly, nobody had ever compared her to a truck before.
āYou have the ability to do much good with your life because you have a powerful engine and great carrying capacity. But youāre missing one thing, and that one thing makes your truck useless.ā
āWhat am I missing?ā
āGas. No matter how powerful the truck, without gas it canāt even move, much less carry anything.ā
āWhatās the gas?ā she asked.
The Essential Fuel: Unconditional Love
āLove, unconditional love. You were never loved as a childāeven though your parents did their best, as weāve discussed beforeānor were you loved as an adult or as a wife. So now when you reach for what you need, and for what your husband and kids need, itās not there. No gas. They need love from you, and you donāt have it. But you try to give it anyway, so for you, itās like pushing your truck up a hill without gas in the tank. Sometimes you can do it briefly if the slope is gradual, and maybe if you donāt have to do it for long, but then you run out of energy, or you simply canāt do it in the first place.ā
āThatās it! Thatās just how it feels. Sometimes Iām okay, like coasting down a hill in my truck, but other times are impossible. Itās very frustrating.ā
Filling Your Tank: Learning to Love
We all drive a truck or a car, or we ride a bus. But without gas, the driving stops.
In order for our lives and relationships to work, we need love as much as a vehicle needs fuel.