As a parenting coach, I often encounter parents like Marcia, who sit before me in tears, feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. I want to share with you the conversation we had about our need for unconditional love to nurture our relationships.
Understanding Emotional Exhaustion
Marcia sat in front of me crying. “I want to love my children! I want to love my husband! I read the books, and I try to do what they say, but after a short time, I empty out and go right back to being impatient and frustrated.”
The Truck Analogy: Power Without Fuel
“You are a beautiful, new truck,” I said.
“What?” she asked. Clearly, nobody had ever compared her to a truck before.
“You have the ability to do much good with your life because you have a powerful engine and great carrying capacity. But you’re missing one thing, and that one thing makes your truck useless.”
“What am I missing?”
“Gas. No matter how powerful the truck, without gas it can’t even move, much less carry anything.”
“What’s the gas?” she asked.
The Essential Fuel: Unconditional Love
“Love, unconditional love. You were never loved as a child—even though your parents did their best, as we’ve discussed before—nor were you loved as an adult or as a wife. So now when you reach for what you need, and for what your husband and kids need, it’s not there. No gas. They need love from you, and you don’t have it. But you try to give it anyway, so for you, it’s like pushing your truck up a hill without gas in the tank. Sometimes you can do it briefly if the slope is gradual, and maybe if you don’t have to do it for long, but then you run out of energy, or you simply can’t do it in the first place.”
“That’s it! That’s just how it feels. Sometimes I’m okay, like coasting down a hill in my truck, but other times are impossible. It’s very frustrating.”
Filling Your Tank: Learning to Love
We all drive a truck or a car, or we ride a bus. But without gas, the driving stops.
In order for our lives and relationships to work, we need love as much as a vehicle needs fuel.
Replace your fear and confusion with peace and happiness.
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