Parenting can often feel like a challenging balancing act, especially when it comes to disciplining children.
Many parents struggle to find effective ways to address misbehavior without resorting to harsh punishments or damaging their relationship with their child.
In this blog, I share a powerful example of how loving, consistent consequences can transform a child's attitude and behavior in a matter of minutes.
Example of How Loving Consequences Work
Mom called me to say, āConsequences really work. Wow!ā
Then she told me how her fourteen-year-old son, Bill, had come home from school with a snotty attitude, which involved saying something unkind to his sister.
Immediately Mom said, without a trace of anger, āWhat are you doing right now?ā
Bill was not in the mood for correction, so he responded with, āNothingā and began to stomp out of the room.
Mom called out, raising her voice a little to be heard but not with anger:
āStop. Come back here. You know the drill. Iāve taught you about flinging your attitude around before, and you understood me. Just now I gave you a chance to learn simply by you recognizing what you were doing. If you had done that, this conversation would not be happening. But you refused and gave me more attitude. So, when words fail, what comes next?ā
With less attitude but still plenty of it, Bill said, āConsequences.ā
āYou got the word right,ā Mom said, ābut youāve still got attitude. So now you have a choice. You can try again to answer my question without attitude, or I can increase the consequence. Remember, YOU are choosing now whether to have a little consequence or a bigger one.ā
Bill got quiet and with sincerityānot perfect but enoughāhe said, āIf I canāt learn with words, I get consequences to teach me.ā
āNice learning,ā Mom said. āBecause you chose to learn earlyāwithout a fit or anythingāthe consequence is small. There are a few dishes on the counters around the kitchen. Wash them and wipe the counters. Thatās all.ā
Why Loving Consequences Work
Bill accomplished the task in less than ten minutes, and then Mom said that his attitude was GONE. She was amazed.
I told her that:
- āÆShe had been loving to Bill, which made ALL the difference.
- She had immediately noticed the attitude and acted sooner instead of waiting for it to get worse.āÆāÆāÆāÆāÆ
- āÆShe gave him TWO opportunities to notice his attitude and change itāwith words and a small consequenceābefore moving to something more serious.
- Bill FELT that he was being given a choice, and he LIKED that. Every kid likes having choices over being forced to do something.
Mom said, āHis attitude was good for the rest of the day. All the rest. After the interaction with Bill, my daughter was whining about something, and I said, āDo you want to continue doing that?ā Keep in mind that she had SEEN my conversation with Bill. Immediately, with a wry smile, she said, āNah, Iām done whining for now.ā And it was OVER. Miracle. Consequences work when Iām loving and consistent. Who knew?ā
Applying Consequences
- Love and teach.
- Then love and teach again.
- Then require your CHILDREN to tell you what theyāre learning and give them a chance to change their perspective before moving on.
- If they refuse to choose wisely, you begin to apply consequences until you get their attention.
For more detailed instruction on how to love and teach and apply consequences lovingly, sign up for the Ridiculously Effective Parenting Training.