Why Toddlers Lie
Parenting is a journey teeming with joys and challenges. One hurdle often encountered in a child's early years is their inclination towards telling lies. While some may perceive this behavior as disconcerting, it's crucial to recognize that young children typically don't lie out of malicious intentāthey're predominantly trying to evade disapproval. Here's an insightful conversation I had with a mother regarding her 27-month-old daughter, Sola, offering valuable guidance on navigating these tricky waters.
A concerned mother reached out to me, sharing her revelation, āMy daughter, Sola, is 27 months old. She told me her first lie this morning.ā With a chuckle, I responded, āYou mean the first lie you noticed?!ā It's key to remember that children donāt lie because theyāre innately deceptive. They lie because they have astutely observed that when they do something wrong and are caught, the resulting disapproval (withdrawal of love) is overwhelming. This dislike for disapproval leads them to deny any wrongdoing, even when the evidence is clearly against them. They are merely employing a strategy that works for them.
When Toddlers Lie
The mother continues, āI needed to do some paperwork, so I handed my phone to Sola, loaded with an educational app. On my return from a quick bathroom break, she kept insisting, āI didnāt watch YouTube.ā Having previously explained to her that only I can switch to YouTube, I was puzzled. Upon further investigation, I discovered a YouTube channel playing on my phone.ā
What To Do When a Toddler Lies
What followed is an example of how this situation could be utilized for teaching honesty. Addressing a toddler requires simplicity, but rest assured, a child of Sola's age will grasp the concept.
Mom continued, āI turned on Kids Learn" (point to it), then "You switched it to YouTube without askingā (show her the buttons using her finger). Next, make it clear who is allowed to switch to YouTube ā āOnly Mommy goes to YouTube. You donāt." And finally, explain the consequence ā āIf you go to YouTube when Iām not here, I will take the phone away for a long time.ā
The Consequence: A Lesson in Patience and Honesty
What constitutes a "long time" for a two-year-old? It's hard to quantify, but it should be long enough that the child asks for the phone a couple of times, each instance serving as a reminder of why the privilege was lost. This scenario, when consistently applied, teaches patience and the importance of following the rules.
Toddlers Lying: Use it as a Teaching Opportunity
In essence, LovingandTeaching a child isn't solely about laying out directives but also explaining the consequences (both good and bad) of their actions in a manner they understand. The story of Sola and her mother serves as an example of the potential teaching moments nestled in everyday interactions between parents and children.
Rather than viewing a child's lie as a cause for concern, it can be used as an opportunity to instill honesty, respect, and understandingātraits that will help them as they grow up.
As we navigate the roller coaster ride of parenthood, let's remember our little ones are constantly learning from our actions. Their innocence and endless curiosity make this challenging journey worth every second.
So here's to raising kids who feel loved, loving, and responsible, naturallyābecause that's who they really are.
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