Tony said, āI just had an terrible argument with my wife. After a year of learning Real Love, I donāt think I know anything. Nothing. Iām very discouraged.ā
āOh,ā I said, āitās understandable that you would feel that way. But itās only because youāre comparing what you did today with how you were doing yesterday. Never judge how youāre doing day by day.ā
āWhat do you mean?ā
āNothing. The edge will be about as thick as a table knife, and about as dull as the non-sharpened side. Youāll feel a little friction, but thatās all. But now letās measure your progress in learning to love by the DAY, and youāll get a graph something like the following:
![daily Graph](https://reallove.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/daily.jpg)
On a piece of paper I roughly drew this graph. āIf you cut the piece of steel in this shape and rubbed it length-wise across your arm, what would happen?ā
āIt would probably cut off my arm, since thatās just like the outline of a very rough saw.ā
āYes, it probably would. Now letās measure your progress in learning to love by the MONTH, and youāll get a graph something like this:
![monthly monthly graph](https://reallove.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/monthly.jpg)
If we cut the steel using this patternāassuming that we have a smooth cutting instrumentāwhat would happen if we rubbed it length-wise across your arm?ā
āProbably nothing. It would feel a little bumpy, but thatās all.ā
āRight. In fact, when measured by the month, your progress is almost steadily upward, while if we measure it by the day, youād look kind of crazy. Everybody has days that vary widely, up and down, and itās just not accurate or sensible to measure your growth by widely fluctuating days. Your overall progress is great, and itās monthly assessments that confirm that, not daily ones. Donāt get excited about single bad days or moments. Theyāre not a reflection of you. Theyāre a result of your daily growth, physical exhaustion, sickness, the behavior of other people, past events you donāt even remember, and more.ā
Relax. If you get discouraged about a failure, view it within a more long-term perspective. Daily assessments will hurt you, much like a saw blade. I personally gauge how Iām doing every quarter-year or so. Itās reasonable and encouraging at the same time.