A woman wrote me: “This morning I shared the concept of trading Imitation Love with my friend Flynn. It just came up naturally in the conversation. He was talking angrily about his ex and said, ‘I loved her but she wasn't loving me back.’
“I said, ‘You weren't loving her. You were doing loving acts and expecting loving acts in return.’ He said, ‘Well, yeah, of course I was.’ From the way he said it, I knew that he thought what he’d done was entirely normal. Then I told him the definition of Real Love and said, ‘So, what you were doing wasn't love. It's called trading: I do things for you, and I expect you to do things for me.’
“He was completely quiet for a long while, and then he says, ‘Oh my gosh! EVERYBODY is trading! I can't think of anybody who isn't.’ It was really cute. Then he asked, ‘Is there a book about this?’”
THAT is how you teach people about Real Love. Every day people talk about their fears, anger, and other reactions to situations and people. Like Flynn did. Or somebody says, “My child is such a problem—rebellious, doesn’t do his homework, fights with his siblings.” And that is when you can say something like, “People behave badly when they’re in pain, and their pain is always about whether they feel loved.”
If people want to learn more, they’ll ASK. If they don’t, they’ll keep complaining or change the subject. If they do ask questions, keep answering until the questions stop. It’s an easy way to connect with people in a meaningful way.
Replace your anger and confusion with peace and happiness.
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